Dear ESB,
This is not a wedding question. . . yet. But maybe you can advise.
I'm in love with a man nine years my junior (I'm 32. He's 23.) I had no idea he was so young when I met him. I acknowledge this is absurd and can't possibly work out. But. I think I need someone else to tell me that. Can you knock some sense into me?
Or else tell me about your best friend who did the same thing and it magically worked out and they are still madly in love 20 years later? (HAHA)
love,
the accidental cougar
***
Are you in a hurry to get married and have kids and shit? Has the subject come up?
For now: ENJOY THE SEX and try not to think too hard about the future. (I'm more concerned about him being 23 than being nine years younger. But he won't stay 23 forever.)
Photography by Brendan Freeman / Styling by Katy Lassen / Makeup by Isamaya Ffrench for Used Magazine AW12 via HUNGER TV
My aunt married someone 10 years her junior and I think he was 24 when they met. They are one of the best couples I know :).
ReplyDeleteAlso, they are 44 and 54 now, so it stuck!
DeleteWell, there are 23-year-olds who are immature babies who need to cut the apron strings, and there are 23-year-olds who are full-blown adults, albeit young ones. There are also 32-year-olds who fit each of those descriptions. Rather than focusing on your age difference, I think you need to make sure you're on the same page about the future (marriage, kids, etc.). My stepdad was 24 or 25 when he met my mom, who was 11 years his senior and had two 12-year-old girls. They were together for 15 years (married for 12) before my mom passed away last summer.
ReplyDeleteYes, this. I dated someone who was 36 when I was 22, and I ended up being so much more mature and emotionally stable than him. Totally depends.
Deleteyeah figure out what you and your partner want longterm...but if it feels right and happy why would you deny that?!
ReplyDeleterelationships either work or they don't. no matter the age difference or lack thereof.
enjoy! age ain't nuthin' but number yo.
My aunt is 9 (maybe more?) years older than my uncle. They are my most favorite people and they've been married for 25+ years. My best friend is happily partnered to someone 15 years her senior and they are another fav couple. My dad is 7 years older than my mom, and they married when she was 22.
ReplyDeleteNo reason it is doomed because of age. Chill out and enjoy.
Sometimes I think a notable age difference almost proves -- rat her than undermines -- the fact that a couple must really be a good fit. If they weren't, they wouldn't have enough reason to keep up something that seems a little questionable or taboo.
ReplyDeletegood point!
DeleteAnecdote time! There's 9 years between me and my boyfriend, met when I was 18 and he 27. Still going strong 8 years later! Nine years isn't necessarily a deal breaker (ladies!).
ReplyDeleteI'm 12 years older than my husband and we've been together for 6 years (married 4 1/2) it works well.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing that we did was to discuss what we wanted out of life, marriage, kids, houses, careers, travel and everything we could think of early on.
We knew we were on the same page, way more important than age.
EXACTLY.
DeleteMy mom met my step-dad when he was 20 & she was 32 while she was going thru an icky divorce with my dad. My step-dad became an insta-parent to my sister & I (2 & 5 at the time) and I'm proud to call him my dad. He is one of the best people I know. He & my mom are happily married still, 35 years later. Sometimes it just works.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is 11 years older than my stepfather and they have been together for 20 years. However, he never got to have kids bc my mom already had 3. I'm sure he would have loved his own, but instead he put all the love he had into us.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why the OP is so sure it's doomed... I'm eleven years older than my bf and we're doing great, thank you. Talk about the stuff that bothers you, relax and enjoy :)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite young groom who is married to my older-bride cousin told me that in France (where he is from) they say "sometimes an old soup needs a young carrot" which killed me!
ReplyDeleteYOUNG
ReplyDeleteDUMB
AND
FULL
OF
CUM