Hi east side bride,
My cousin hired the same wedding photographer I used for my wedding a few years ago. He was awesome at my wedding, got along with family, was a great deal, and we loved our pictures. When my cousin got engaged I was more than happy to make the recommendation.
So the wedding was this past weekend and, as is sometimes the case, there was one emotionally needy bridesmaid. This one girl decided to latch on to the wedding photographer at the rehearsal dinner. Follow him around, talk all night to him, invite him out for drinks, etc. Turns out, the next day, she was flirting with him in the bridal suite while everyone was getting ready and chasing him around reception. She invited him to the after party (which was after duration of his contact so he technically wasn't "working" anymore). Bear in mind he is married.
Anyways fast forward to today... I called my cousin to catch up after the big day and she mentioned that the girl said that the photographer made a move on her bridesmaid after the wedding after-party. Nothing happened (that we know of) but it seems pretty skeezy that the man you hire to capture your special day is putting his own marriage at risk for a fling with a needy bridesmaid. Not discounting that the bridesmaid should not have been throwing herself at the photographer, but I feel like he should have had the professionalism to (politely) turn down her advances.
So it's not my wedding, but I feel ashamed that it was my recommendation. Is there anything I or the bride should do? Write a review? Email him that we know what happened? I feel like this behavior is totally unprofessional and unacceptable, but my husband thinks I should just let it go.
What do you think?
*****
LET IT GO
You don't know what actually happened
You don't know who made a move on who
Even if they fucked, and you had proof, this is not fodder for a Yelp review. Please don't jeopardize this guy's career -- or his marriage, which you were uber concerned about a minute ago -- because a couple of consenting adults behaved badly.
(You may feel free to never recommend him again.)
this is between the needy bridesmaid (who is hopefully very embarrassed) and the photographer.
ReplyDeleteand maybe take your cousin out for a martini and apologize for the bad recommendation.
I'm having trouble generating much outrage at this photographer. He's likely a shitty husband I guess, but otherwise I'm kinda meh on the whole thing. If he was an awesome photographer I might still hire him.
ReplyDeleteHe might be in an open marriage, ya never know. There is simply not enough info to even begin to form an opinion or judge anyone involved.
DeleteEven artists are stupid sometimes.
ReplyDeleteHa - our photographer hooked up with one of my bridesmaids, too. But..... I was happy for her! She needed to get laid. As far as I know, he wasn't married. And our photos were KILLER - so I totally can't hate on him.
ReplyDeleteTotally let it go.
sometimes there just aren't enough available groomsmen, imeanright?
Deleteum, yeah totally.
ReplyDeleteI don't normally ask my event photographers what their taste in music is before they photograph my concerts. I doubt most brides ask photogs if they're faithful pre-wedding.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I'd have done as the annoyed bride is ask for a discount due to having (potentially) hooked him up with a hot bridesmaid.
It might have been unprofessional, but I wouldn't leave a bad review unless he neglected to do his job. And even then, it would be up to the bride to decide that, not you, even if it was your recommendation. But you certainly don't need to feel guilty or ashamed.
ReplyDeleteThis. If the photos suffered because he was flirting with the bridesmaid, then I'd put in a review (maybe just leaving it at 'he seemed distracted and missed several key moments.'
DeleteAs the recommender, you can only go on your experience. How could you have foreseen what this guy would do? Stop feeling guilty, pronto.
OMG please take ESB's advice here. Not your business.
ReplyDeletepeople like this are the reason i HATE reviews, and why yelp is such a joke.
ReplyDeleteSo much of why people find weddings sooooo stressful is because of situations like this where you consciously sit down and try super hard to find something to obsess over. He was a photographer. The pictures were good, or they weren't. End. Of. Story. You can criticize your vendors if they do a poor job at what you paid them to do. You can't criticize them because you think they're making poor relationship decisions in their spare time.
ReplyDeleteI would speak to the needy bridesmaid before I'd have anything to say to the photographer!
ReplyDeleteAre the pictures good? If so, you made a good recommendation!
Actually was in a wedding this past summer as a bridesmaid, and halfway through getting ready, my best friend / bride whispered in my ear that she thought the photographer was paying more attention to another bridesmaid than to her. Once she pointed it out, I did notice that he was always off in a corner talking to her and taking a lot of photos of her, rather than the bride. It seemed like every other time I turned around he was lingering around the other girl. My take? Flirt with the bridesmaid and take her home if you like once you're off the clock. But, if the bride is worried she's gonna get a lot more photos of someone other than her on her wedding day, you're not doing your job right.
ReplyDeleteJust curious, did you say something to the photographer at the time? Not that I think you should have to tell a professional to be more professional, but I'm always surprised when sketchy behavior isn't shut down quicker at weddings...
DeleteYeah - I'm a bit of a wimp. :P I did feel like I should have said something, but I didn't know what to say exactly. Also, I'm admittedly a non-confrontational sort of gal, except within the anonymous confines of the interwebs.
DeleteI should point out that the bridesmaid was the one who told the cousin that the photographer made a move on her. Ahem... she could just be lying, I mean she was hitting on him all night, she probably wished he had made a move on her, when she most likely made a move on him. Definitely do not blame him for this and risk his marriage if you havent even talked to him about what happened. Just sayin'.
ReplyDelete