Jill Soloway's Afternoon Delight

I've been sitting here for the past two hours trying to write a review of this movie. (Which is terrific, by the way.)

But all that's coming out is a rant about critics, especially male critics, who can't handle an honest portrayal of female sexuality.

Rather than rant, I will just urge you to go see it.

Please, GO SEE IT.

We need more movies with funny, complicated, not-always-likeable female characters. And more movies (lots more movies) written and directed by women.

When you can't forget the gifts you didn't get.

I was just reading this terrific piece on the Billfold, which led me over to this NY Times piece.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I mean, the people the Times interviewed are mostly old (and rich). But TWENTY YEARS LATER they're still dwelling on who didn't give them a wedding gift??

I just want to say -- right here and now -- to all the friends who didn't give us a gift:

It means so much to me that you made it to our wedding. Or didn't. Maybe you didn't even make it to the wedding. WEDDINGS ARE EXPENSIVE. But we invited you because we love you and we still love you and, just so you know, it matters not ONE IOTA that you didn't buy us anything.

As Emily Gould puts it:

There are so many other costs associated with attending a wedding, especially if you’re in the wedding party or it’s a destination wedding… I know it’s a token and sentimental and that people are generally understanding, but somehow adding a salad spinner to the $450 hotel, $200 dress and $800 plane ticket tends to be the straw that breaks this camel’s back. But that’s both irrational and kind of dickish of me. I’m trying to be better.

IT'S NOT IRRATIONAL! IT'S TOTALLY RATIONAL!

How bout we just do away with the damn wedding gifts already?


Ina Jang for Jalouse April 2012 via Visual Optimism

My wedding is over and I hated my hair

Hey ESB.

I need some straight talk. My wedding happened this weekend, and ... I have major hair regret now. I got married in a different city from where I live, meaning my tried-and-true stylist was not an option, and so I had a highly recommended lady do my hair. I had a pretty shitty trial (she did an 1980's style updo) with my stylist the week of the wedding, but I figured it was a communication issue that would get ironed out since I emailed her a bunch of pictures of what I wanted after the trial and she seemed to get what I was going for.

On my wedding day, she put my hair in hot rollers and spent the next hour doing my sister's hair. When I pointed out that I had to be at a makeup appointment in 30 minutes, she freaked out and threw my hair into a really shitty updo again, despite me mentioning the pictures and her claiming she would do exactly what was pictured. So when I asked for a low, messy bun ... I got a bunch of curls pinned all over the place, no bun, and lots of volume that I never asked for. And since she finished up five minutes after my makeup appointment was supposed to start, there was no going back. I felt like a poodle all day, and even though everyone swore up and down that they loved my hair, it wasn't what I wanted. At all.

So I guess my question is, wtf do I do now? I have no complaints about the actual wedding, for the record. We had an outdoor wedding in a meadow in the middle of the forest, and it was truly lovely. The ceremony was incredible, the reception was a blast, and the weather was really perfect. I just cannot get over how disappointed I am every time I see myself in a photo ... and although I was so happy on my wedding day, every time I saw myself in a mirror I got sad that I looked so different from the vision that I had in my head during all these months of wedding planning.

I realize that what's done is done, but I feel so utterly shitty about all this. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

*****

Oh, lady. This makes my heart hurt.

Here's the straight talk......

YOU'LL GET OVER IT

It'll take a year, but you'll get over it.

In the meantime, stop looking at your wedding photos. And for the love of god STAY OFF THE WEDDING BLOGS



Kate Moss by Daniele & Iango for i-D Magazine (hair by Luigi Murenu) via Fashion Gone Rogue

dear esb: i want to fake couture

Hi East Side Bride,

I am in love with this dress and am getting married in July 2014. I would love to fake it - but I don't know where to begin. Do you have any suggestions?

I found this dress but it's not quite the same in terms of the loose cut and fabric, so I wanted to investigate my cheaper options.

Thanks for this blog - it's definitely a resource for this Brooklyn Bride - to - be!

*****

Please don't try to fake Givenchy.

Buy something original + cool. 

Suggestions? Anyone?

sorry, but i'll never tire of jars

these super simple arrangements from Cecilia Fox are so best.

(photo by ERIN + TARA via Ruffled) 

What, TOO WEDDING-Y around here all of a sudden? I don't know what's gotten into me.

perfect budget wedding shoes

$39.90 at Zara

You're welcome.

ugh

So

My best friend of 25 years got married in June, I was her MOH, I tried so hard to please! I feel like I went above and beyond, her wedding, shower and bachelorette party were all awesome, I would even go so far as to say it was absolutely perfect.

She had a very long engagement, three years, we thought she was never going to get married! Until... I got engaged!

Back story- my FH and I have been together for 14 years, I always said I never wanted to get married and so I never thought he would ask.

Until he did!?!

So of course I said yes, I am a very offbeat girl and I am going very traditional with my wedding, crazy but it's what I'm digging! I wanted to get hitched before turning 30. I kinda felt like she should get married before me as she got engaged before me. Not wanting to wait to pick a date we kinda agreed that I would get married later in the fall as she always wanted a June wedding. I set my date in September after getting engaged in July. As of January she still had not. I had always felt overwhelmed and stressed out that she said she wanted to get married that summer and still had not gotten a dress or set a date or ANYTHING. Meanwhile I had a date a dress a caterer a photog... I digress...

I feel like she didn't even want to get married, it was like pulling teeth. I would try to be uber helpful and work on things to inspire her to no avail. When she finally set a date I was ecstatic! Ready to help all I could, I knew it was going to be an amazing wedding! She was not an easy person to please. I tried my best. I planned an awesome girls weekend and threw her a beautiful shower. I did her hair and makeup for all of her events I spent a ton of money on her gifts, I helped her with everything she would allow me to, I really would have done anything for her! I can't tell you how many nights I cried over how terrible she made me feel, she accused me of not helping her. I never let her know how bad I was hurting, I didn't want to ruin any of her experience, I would just apologize profusely  During her parties etc she would always make snide comments about how I was next, I just let it go not sure how she meant for me to take it...

I hoped that after her wedding things would improve! I had never heard of a MOHzilla...

Lets just say it hasn't, her husband is also in our bridal party, he is worse than she is! She didn't come with me to try on dresses, I was there for her. She didn't come to my bridal portraits, I did her hair and makeup, picked up her flowers, followed her around making sure she wasn't shiny and made her laugh the whole time thru hers. I ordered my bridesmaids dress the day she chose it, it almost didn't make it here because she waited so long, so of course she waited to the last second to order for mine, it's going to arrive the week before the wedding.... I am trying to remain positive but it is a losing battle. The day that my FH wanted to go look at suits (we decided to buy them they cost 80 bucks! Sweet Perry Ellis modern fit suits that they can keep for 80 bucks!) he asked that I go. My MOH's husband gave me attitude about being there, he was very short and snippy saying things like "can we get this show on the road!" I tried to ask him what was wrong and I wrapped my arm around his shoulder to hug him and he pushed me away and said "you need to talk to your friend" and stormed off... Needless to say I cried the whole way to the suit shop. Is it really too much to ask for people to be nice and positive?

So far my MOH has been bitchy and snippy about having to plan my shower and party. She has figured out a place to stay for free which is ok but she said "you know because I am still so broke from my wedding" to which I replied " honey I am still broke from your wedding!"

My FH and I have decided we should have eloped and that after we are married we don't need our friends. We four used to hang out every Thursday Friday and Sunday, now I am lucky if I get a phone call....

I am sure that this will only get worse, the good thing is I am on top of my game and until the week I get hitched I don't think I need to do anything except for buy booze and save money!

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this I would love to hear it.

Super Sad Bridey Bird

*****

Just so we're clear: You are the MOHzilla in this sitch, not your friend.

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED

SHE WAS CRYING OUT FOR HELP

And, um, I hate to break it to you… But I think perhaps they have already split up. Like the man said, you need to talk to your friend.


Carolina Thaler by Laurence Ellis for Amica, September 2013 via COUP DE FOUDRE

Guy Catling via The Jealous Curator

What do I wear to a wedding in TOFINO?

dear esb,

I'm heading out to Tofino, British Columbia for a wedding this September. I'm super excited about the location (right on the beach), but all the guests were told to expect anything when it comes to the weather. 

I'm left feeling completely unsure and hopeless about what to wear for a beach wedding where we could be hot, cold, or soaked from rain, or perhaps some combo of all three. Can you or your lovely readers offer some help? I was thinking something long and in a natural fabric, but can't get much further than that (I did mention I'm hopeless, right?). 

Also - thanks to you and the lovely ladies at Bona Drag I scored my dream wedding dress in the Mara Hoffman all seeing bridal gown for our cottage wedding next year. But, until I can rock that hot number, I need some help with my current dress dilemma. 

many thanks....

p.s. I probably should have said I've got a budget of about 300 to work with...

*****

TEVAS!!

just kidding.



How bout you do this Mara Hoffman snake braided maxi* + jean jacket + booties. (Though you really could rock Tevas, and you'd blend right in with the natives....)


*If you happen to wear a size large, it's on sale over here.

WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG? Dude edition.

(Click to enlarge)

I've been sitting on this submission from Rob for a couple of weeks now, and I figured what better way to follow up the Teva post??

(p.s. Rob, you haven't commented on the Teva post.)

What bag is currently in your wardrobe rotation? Bag? I have pockets. And pockets are always in my wardrobe rotation.

What's inside? work keys (3 PO Box keys, one door key, one unknown door key), car key, phone, chap stick medicated, wallet ($6, 3 credit cards, license, and an old pub crawl wristband)

What is the one item we will always find in your bag? Again with the bag thing. I don't have a bag, but you will always find my wallet in my back right pocket

What is your favorite thing about your job? I don't have a favorite thing.

Where is your favorite place in Los Angeles to grab a drink/bite? In-N-Out

What are your top three favorite stores in Los Angeles to shop? I've never shopped in Los Angeles.

If you could tell your 22-year-old self one thing it would be.... start running/riding.

What is your ultimate guilty pleasure? This blog.

SeaVees + Teva at BARNEYS?

I've been resisting the damn Birkenstock trend like CRAZY, but I just might go for these.

a) I have never owned a pair of Tevas. Made mad fun of them when all the Seattle dudes were wearing em back in the 90's, but I have never owned a pair.

b) Now that I live in Southern California.... and frequent rocky beaches/get in and out of boats now and then.... I kinda get it.

c) Should I just kill myself?

Engagement Party Disaster

Dear ESB:

My fiance and I had an engagement party this past weekend, hosted by my future in-laws. It was a lovely affair, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Until the end...oh the end...

For some background: my fiance's younger brother has been dating his high school sweetheart, who we will call Dee, for seven years. My fiance and I have been dating just over two. When we got engaged, Little Brother and Dee promptly broke up. I always suspected this was because she was angry that I received a ring before her. They eventually got back together, and are now engaged themselves, and planning a wedding for six months after ours. We are in our early thirties; Little Brother and Dee in their early twenties.

Back to the party. As the night wound down and drinks begin flowing freely, a friend of mine asked Little Brother and Dee about their engagement. When my friend learned that they had dated seven years prior to becoming engaged, she asked if they had ever gone through any breakups or setbacks. Dee responded, with a giggle, "Well, there was that one time." Having always heard there was more than one break-up, I said, "One time?" I knew right away I shouldn't have said it, but it had already flown out of my mouth.

The response was apocalyptic. Dee stormed about for about thirty minutes, telling everyone that I was a bitch, my fiance (her future brother in law) was an asshole, that we were disgusting, rude, horrible people and she hated us both. I tried to apologize, as I did not intend to hurt her with my flippant, thoughtless remark, and she waved her finger in my face, calling me a rude bitch and saying that she hated both me and my fiance.

Her parents finally picked her up and the party ended soon after.

I am traumatized and humiliated by this event, and certainly do not want someone who hates us and thinks we are disgusting to be present at our wedding, but I do not foresee a way we cannot invite her without causing huge family drama. 

How should I proceed with this? Wait for an apology that I am certain will never come? Just forget her name on the invite? Take the high road and let it go?

Thanks!
A Disgusting, Rude Bitch

*****

The Bad News: You have to invite her. You know you have to invite her.

The Good News: Girlfriend was blackout drunk. She'll never remember what happened.




Collage via Jamala Johns. Anyone know who made it??

New from Catbird!

Gorg lil (affordable!) rings....

Sleeping Beauty, 14k white gold setting + rosecut white diamonds, $498

Maleficent, 14k rose gold setting + rosecut black and white diamonds, $364

And you might need the lil matching studs to get married in.

14k rose gold setting + 3mm rosecut white diamonds, $376

Cute Wedding Romper?

Tonia thinks it's cute.


I think: CLAM JUMPER?! CLAM? REALLY?

Great racks and low backs.... CELIA EDITION

Hi! 

I've got a boobs dilemma for you. My wedding dress has a low back, but also has straps. I've got giant boobs, so I can't wear one of those strapless bras that stick to your sides - it won't be enough support. 

I went to department stores, bridal stores and VS - none carried a corset (which I need for support) with a low back. I ordered this one online and it's pretty much perfect - low enough in the back and I can even wear the straps because they match up with the straps on my dress; however, the line where the corset cuts off shows through. Back it went. 

Now I know I need a bodysuit, not corset, with a low back. Preferably with removable straps, or tight enough to give me the support I'll need. 

On that front, here's what I've found:

This comes in S-M-L sizes which makes me think it won't be big enough cups.

Here's a totally weird looking one w/ same S-M-L issue.

I think this could be a good option, just not sure if that boning will show through. 

This looks like one of the best options, but I need something like 34DD or 34E/F, and they're out of everything but 38s.

Suggestions? Didn't think the bra would be harder to find than the dress, but here I am...

*****

Here's Celia to save the day....

Hello Low Back,

Without seeing your dress, it's not easy to figure out exactly what you need. However, anyone with a larger chest should never, EVER consider buying any bra/bustier that comes in s/m/l. I recently flew to my parent's house for a weekend and forgot my swimsuit. I stupidly thought I could get away with buying a size 10 suit (I wear a size 6) because I figured a larger suit would be larger in the bust. I ended up with a suit that sags on my ass and can barely contain my nipples. Thank the Baby Jesus, I only had to wear it in my family's backyard and that I had a properly fitting D-cup suit back home. 

Anyway, I have a feeling this is the answer to all your prayers. And next time, find a bra before committing to the dress. You should know better, Ms. 34DD.

Love,
C

p.s. Celia answered another one (re: pregnant boobs) over on her blog. Way helpful if you're pregnant or one day hope to be, a teence horrifying for the rest of us.

here's an *actual* shoe shopping challenge

Hi ESB!

So I'm wearing this most perfect dress in the world- I wear it around my house all the time for fun and I cannot wait to get married in it. I am 5'10" and I'm getting married outside, on grass. 

WHAT SHOES do I wear? It's in October, so closed-toe is preferable. Thanks so much for helping me plan my wedding, one blog post at a time. 

Size + Budg: 9-10, and preferably below $200 but I'm willing to splurge for something real good.

*****

SHUT UP YOU KNOW I LOVE THAT DRESS

I'm throwing this one out to you guys, but…. Some sort of cheetah/leopard calf hair situation would be amazing. (Ahem)

p.s. wtf is going on with these animal toe shoes. pls discuss.

Seeking: Big Ol Size 11's to go with this dress

Dear ESB, 

I feel like I keep searching and continually come up empty in my quest for the right shoes for my wedding, so I'm hoping you and your readers can help get me on track! This is my dress [pictured above] and I'm wearing gold jewelry, so I'm thinking of wearing a gold or cream colored sandal at my wedding in October. 

Sounds simple, right?  There are a couple of things that have made it more difficult to find the right one. 

>>I really want a shoe with a low-ish heel - and preferably a wedge - since I'm crazy clumsy and therefore terrible in heels. This rules out a lot of options. 

>>Finding the right tone of gold - I don't want anything too shiny, but more of a matte or distressed look - or the right shade of cream - one that works with the dress - has been hard. 

>>Finally, the kicker is that I've got enormous feet.  I wear a size 11, and it's crazy hard to find good shoes in that size anyway, let alone something so specific.  

Help!  I'm sure there are resources I'm not looking at that would be good to investigate. I'd love to spend no more than $200 on these guys.

Thanks!

*****

DUDE THESE ARE ON SALE FOR $150

AND THEY COME IN ELEVEN

Have I not told you all to just check Loeffler Randall before you pester me with shoe questions??

happy monday!

pls accept this photo of a gold brick while i get my shit together.



Brick by Marshall Korshak // Photo by Rachel A

Please help me dress my boobs (BRIDESMAIDS EDITION)

Hello! 

I am in a wedding in a few months for a VERY stylish couple. They have graciously allowed us to pick our own dresses (yes!) but the parameters are little... tiny (oh no!). Pinks, blush, rose, FULL LENGTH. AHHH! I'm 5'2! And busty! I can't wear any of the awesome cut out back things that are happening right now, a bra is a MUST. I don't want to be in an ACTUAL bridesmaid dress while everyone else is at this swanky downtown New York wedding all tricked out! I've seen your readers save the day, I've contributed suggestions myself, now I need your help! 

Thank you in advance, I know I will be clicking through links in no time! plz plz!

*****

Here's what Celia, aka Our Lady of the Boobs, had to say....

Dear 5'2 & Busty,

First of all, your problem here has nothing to do with the fact that you are either short or busty. After spending one too many hours (yes, HOURS) on the world wide web trying to find a dress for you, I have come to the conclusion that pink, full length gowns are designed for three types of ladies. 

1. Bridesmaids, a look you're not going for

2. Mothers of the bride, a look I'm assuming you're not going for

3. High school girls desperate to get laid on prom night, a look I'm hoping you're not going for 

So my question is this, would a patterned dress be an option? Not that ESB is looking to be the new poster blog for Halston Heritage, but I found this. The cut is PERFECT for all that boobage, and as a major plus, it can be worn with a conventional bra. This Halston dress is also calling out for some big ol' love pillows. 

If you're up for wearing a convertible bra or a great and supportive bustier, the one-shoulder look is ultra flattering for just about any well endowed bridesmaid. 

Your 5'2 and busty soul sister,

Celia

Photo at top: Monika Jablonczky by Mate Moro for WADmagazine

______________________________

p.s. Celia also has guest post up on the etsy blog today. (SPOILER ALERT: There are no boobs involved.) AND: She has invited us to shop her rad little vintage store at a discount. Use coupon code ESB15OFF for 15% off until Sunday, 8/11.

Beth Ditto got married!

BOOB-A-LICIOUS

Speaking of boobs, I've roped Celia in for a reprise of Please help me dress my boobs (the crowning glory of #boobsweek).

Email me your boob dilemmas and I will pass them on to the lady herself! Perhaps we can turn it into a monthly column....

Coming shortly: A bridesmaids dress for 5'2 & Busty!

Beth Ditto and Kristin Ogata courtesy of Vogue (with thx to Katherine for the tip)

HELLO SPARKLES!

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG





Antique 18k Five European Cut Diamond Ring from Metier

my fmil wants to wear a miss america dress

Dear East Side Bride,

My partner's mother is very sweet and supportive, but she can be pretty oblivious. She picked out a dress for our wedding the day after we got engaged, and it is about 2+ levels more formal than what anyone else will be wearing (my mom, my attendant, etc.) Although we've talked a lot about having an intimate, not overly formal wedding (I am wearing a simple vintage dress), she picked out a borderline Miss America dress.

When she showed it to me online and asked what I thought, I showed her my mom and attendant's dresses, hoping she would come to the conclusion on her own that she picked something overly formal. No such luck. The dress came with this over-the-top pitch about how much she loved it, and, since it won't clash color-wise with my mother's dress, and she was so excited, I just said I thought it was fine.

In retrospect, I should have told her I thought it was a great dress for a more formal wedding. They live half-way across the country, so I'm not likely to see her again for a while (wedding is next spring). We have a good relationship, but very different personalities.

On the one hand, who cares, right, as long as she feels good? On the other hand, it would be nice if she didn't look totally ridiculous.

Any ideas?

*****

YOU ALREADY TOLD HER IT WAS FINE






Time to fixate on something else.

Tilda Swinton by Tim Walker for W

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN

They prefer this Vivienne Westwood to the (awkwardly styled) Halston Heritage.

Far be it from me to side with the people.... But I think I agree.

Even if it is 95% polyester.





Sigh.

Seeking: A late-night dancing dress

Dear esb,

First off, thanks to your and your readers. In the last several months of wedding planning you've given me a lot of laughs, but you've also 1) wisely kept me from sending out too many save-the-dates, 2) convinced me to keep my name, 3) given us a reading for our wedding -- Felix Gonzalez-Torres is my and my fiance's favorite artist, and the note you posted from him to Ross is beautiful. We're getting married in 3 1/2 weeks now and I couldn't be more excited.

There's one last thing I've been looking for though. I need a dress to change into at the end of the night -- probably for the last hour of dancing, when my parents' friends will have left and the dance floor gets wild and sweaty, and then for the afterparty (we're going to do at a dance-y bar). So I guess I could call it a "reception" dress. I found the perfect one, but at $600 it's out of my budget. It's Mariana Valentina, and since she doesn't have her new collection up on her site I drew this picture of it.

What I love about it -- 1) the combination of the deep V and high slit with the tulip skirt is sexy but still modest with the sleeves and length, 2) the whole 70s disco vibe, 3) the gold as a contrast to the white dress, 4) the wrap dress look is really flattering for curvy girls like me, 5) the stretchy fabric is super comfortable to dance in. Do you and your readers have any suggestion for a similar dress that's closer to $200? I like the gold, but would also be into any metallic, bright blue (one of our colors), or a black/white combo.

I know you've frowned on the reception dress in earlier posts, but here is the reason why I want to change out of my wedding dress. I have absolutely come to love this dress, but it's not exactly the unusual dress I always thought I would wear (the dress-in-my-head I never found was a floaty sheer silk long-sleeved wrapped dressing gown look) so having a change would make me feel more like me. Mostly though, it's long and a bit cumbersome for late-night dancing.

Thanks!
Channeling My Inner Disco Dancing Queen

*****

LOOK WHAT I FOUND

WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG? Wyoming edition!

(Click to enlarge)

I know nothing about this anonymous reader except that she is rad. And she's from WYOMING.

Who knew I had readers in Wyoming??

What bag is currently in your wardrobe rotation? TJ Maxx Michael Kors that I bought for the color

What’s inside? Wallet, checkbook holder, sunglasses, Google Nexus that I'm using to take this sweet pic, old phone that I now use to track workouts, iPod shuffle for the gym with shitty headphones from a Birchbox, deceivingly heavy Burt's Bees almond milk hand cream, ancient LeSportsac pouch containing tampons, hair ties, and emergency meds, business card case and lots of business cards I always forget to hand out, Smith's grocery store reward program application, Sport's Authority receipt, Attitudes hair salon business card, Orbit sweet mint gum (discolored with age), 2 inhalers, 1 safety pin, 1 penny, 1 spoon, used & new Kleenex, $70 in $5 bills that were stuffed in a pocket and need to be given to my Mom, tiny pin that was thrown in with a recent Etsy purchase, 1 Mikuni carburetor main jet which is used for tuning small engines at high altitude. (This one is for a 120 Pro R kids snowmobile. I wish I threw that in for whimsy, but unfortunately it's real life.) Keys with YUMMY Dessert candy apple keychain plus ice cream & hot chocolate keychains purchased at the Sugar Factory in Las Vegas. Super Mario Brothers lego men bought for myself; I do not have a child.

What is the one item we will always find in your bag? deceivingly heavy Burt's Bees almond milk hand cream

What is your favorite thing about your job? I can wear whatever I want and my husband is my only co-worker so we can have real fights about things, not just post passive aggressive notes/memos in the coffee room.

Where is your favorite place in Los Angeles to grab a drink/bite? LA, I have no idea. In Dubois, Wyoming, which is where I live, I'll say Paya, Mom's, and Crooked Creek Guest Ranch.

What are your top three favorite stores in Los Angeles to shop? We shop at Walmart, Dollar General, and NAPA Auto Parts.

If you could tell your 22-year-old self one thing it would be.... Stop napping so much, when you're 30 you'll be too tired to go out all the time.

What is your ultimate guilty pleasure? napping

______________________________

I meant to post these every other week, but instead I've been hoarding them.... If you think your shit is worthy, pls feel free to submit!