FMIL Should Put Up or Shut Up

Dear ESB,

I'll just come right out and say it: my future mother-in-law is a cunt. Every step of the wedding planning process has been a nightmare dealing with her. When we picked our original date, she threw a fit about it being too soon and insisted we push it back by an additional 10 months. It was no skin off my nose at the time, so I agreed. Mistake. Pretty soon I got the feeling that that was a test I failed on who was really in control, as every decision I have made from there on out regarding the wedding has been met with resistance from her.

I initially wanted to get married in my hometown city; she protested that it was too far for the elderly members of my fiancé's family to travel. So we picked a new city, one that allowed for an equal amount of travel between both  of our families. I tried to sit down and discuss finances with her; although we agreed to roughly split things 50/50 between our families, she insisted she would only talk in depth about it with my parents in person (they live in my hometown city, over 1,000 miles away) and even then, only after we had already picked a venue and had some price points to present. Fine. We road-tripped to the city we'd picked and found a lovely chapel and reception hall, as well as a great caterer for the intimate event we had planned (70 guests total).

The deposit for the church is $500. The deposit for the caterer is $2,000. I suggested we split the $2,500 between the six of us (my parents, his parents, and my fiancé and I), and my FMIL is now refusing to put in for the deposit. She feels it is 1. too much money and 2. goes against "the principle" of the bride's family taking care of everything regarding the wedding.

She also feels like they shouldn't have to put down money because my fiancé's guest list is smaller than mine so they'll have fewer of "their" people there, and because they already have to pay clothes, airfare, hotel blocks, transportation for the family that is traveling, etc. (My list has exactly five people more than his.)

Here's an excerpt from a text she sent me:

"You have way more people than us & it's not fair that we have to come up w/ that amount for only a handful of people on a deposit, makes no sense... So come up w/ the $500 to secure the place & find some other caterers. Nothing else is to be discussed until we converse in person."

My fiancé's father is pretty much following her lead. She says my parents and I should either pay both deposits ourselves or book just the venue and get a cheaper caterer later. This caterer is all-inclusive (plated food, cake stand, tables, chairs, linens, silverware, glassware, beer and wine, servers, bartenders, and set-up/breakdown) for $4000; it doesn't get much cheaper than that, short of doing it ourselves.

My fiancé has tried reasoning with her but she won't budge. He said he's fine with he and I splitting the deposits with my parents, but I kind of want to just chuck the whole thing at this point and elope. My mother has also offered to gift us $3,000 for the entire endeavor to do whatever we want. Should we go for the elopement? How do we break that to his parents?

Sincerely,
My FMIL Is A Cunt

*****

You don't want her f*cking money. If you can't afford the wedding without it, then yes, you should elope.

Do the thing FIRST. Then breaking the news is easy: "We eloped!"

(Resist the urge to add: "Who's in control now, bitch?")

Marta Kowalska by Paolo Colaiocco for Kneon (Summer 2013) via COUPDEFOUDRE