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Good Morning, East Side Bride.
Hell froze over and I'm getting married. I don't care about much of the entire planning process except that I want to wear my mother's wedding dress (short, 60's sheath with a matching swing coat). And, I probably really want to wear her dress because that means I can devote all my wedding-wear money to the shoes - the Rockstud Valentino shoes of my dreams.
My issue is my father. My acts-like-a-12-year-old ever since the divorce OVER 20 YEARS AGO father. He really, really didn't want the divorce. He really, really doesn't like the idea of me wearing my mom's dress - the one that she married him in. Since I'm not wearing it for sentimental reasons, should I forgo the dress that upsets him? Or say, fuck it, and wear what I want even if it makes him uncomfortable?
I should say that I plan to be slightly inebriated at the ceremony as I often am when my parents are in the same room. I've found it's the best way to cope with their shenanigans so perhaps I won't notice if he's pouting.
Best,
The Often Overprotective Daughter
*****
Awwwwww. Cut your dad a break. You can find another dress.
Diana D by Dancian for Io donna via visual optimism
Sorry, gotta disagree with ESB on this one. You are an adult, as is your Dad, and therefore you get to make your own decisions. He is definitely acting like a child here.
ReplyDeleteAlso, not that you asked, but I recommend not being drunk for your ceremony. It can/should be a really wonderful, powerful moment (it is after all, the part that actually results in you being married), and you might want to remember it.
Being an adult also means not hurting other people needlessly.
DeleteIt makes sense that seeing this dress would bring up sad memories for your dad, so why not wear something else? Especially if you're not sentimentally attached to the dress. Let him be happy with you on your wedding day.
I'm sort of surprised your mom's into this plan. You'd think it might be kind of weird for her too, especially knowing your dad will be there. Is it possible she likes the idea of digging in the knife a little? If so, I wouldn't touch this dress with a 10-ft pole.
I'm with ESB. It's one thing if your parents are divorced but neither cares or feels weird about you wearing the dress but if it bothers your dad, I can't see why you would't just find another dress. I don't think your dad is acting badly at all. Sure, 20 years is a long time to still be upset about something but we can't control how we feel all the time.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the style of dress you seem to want are at the lower-end of the wedding dress cost-spectrum. Find something cute for $300 dollars or so and move on.
Some options that *I* like (I didn't really look at the materials or sizes or anything, so maybe these are ridiculous - oh, and I have no problem with the likes of JCrew and Anthro, so, yeah):
DeleteJCrew $395
JCrew $495
Temperley London $399
Laundry $265 (kind of like Temperley but less exciting)
another Laundry one $345
Cute dress but weird site $220
Jill Stuart polka dot mesh$198
another Laundry one - super 60s $295
Long sleeved lace $179 (there are TONS of similar dresses at the various department store sites)
another lace one $99
Ted Baker $253
Ted Baker pale yellow $270
Anthro $182
Anthro $206
BHLDN $490
BHLDN $380
BHLDN $440
BHLDN $420
Hillary. You know none of us are going to click ALL OF THOSE LINKS
DeleteSo just click the ones that aren't JCrew or BHLDN or Anthro!
Delete(SOMEONE might need a dress like this - I was bored this morning).
Okay I went through most of them, the last two BHLDN are really pretty!
DeleteOkay LOVE that Temperley London one!
DeleteAs a child of divorced parents, and a divorcee myself (funny, that word is used rarely, huh) I agree with esb. The ending of marriages is hard and continues to be hard and it's just a dress, in the end.
ReplyDeleteMaybe one of these:
ReplyDeleteNicole Miller
or <a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/David-Meister-Sleeveless-Asymmetric-Neck-Sheath-Dress/prod155990069/?ecid=NMALRFeed&ci_src=14110925&ci_sku=prod155990069skuWHITE&CS_003=5630585>David Meister</a>
Also: vintage stores. What's the name of Celia's etsy shop?
Love the Nicole Miller!
DeleteOr this White dress from H&M?
@Ms K Monday's Child
DeleteI'm on the fence, but if the dress is not sentimental to you but upsetting to him...and the only reason you're wearing it is to save money...buy a different dress. Like Hillary said, the good news is it won't cost too much.
ReplyDeleteI agree with ESB. Here's a gold dress + coat set that would look great with those killer heels.
ReplyDeleteNot related to the topic at hand but--Gilt is having a sale on Seychelles starting tomorrow, and I know there are a ton of commenters on this site that love that brand.
ReplyDeleteI love those Valentino heels--bummer there is nothing as awesome as those at a price below $400.
As a child of a father who didn't want to get divorced 25 years ago and still feels a great deal of sadness over it, I agree with ESB.
ReplyDeleteOf course, my dad would have just expressed his unhappiness over the dress decision with a quiet "Oh. Are you sure about that? It is a pretty big symbol of your mother and my failed marriage," and a bit of a downcast look that would have broken my heart and make me think OF COURSE this is a bad idea. If my dad were more childish and petty, my gut reaction about this sort of thing might be different.
Couldn't agree more with ESB! Give dad a break. Plus, you don't want to think about this on your wedding day.
ReplyDeleteAs a bride who thought she didn't give a shit about her dress, I felt pretty regretful on my wedding day that I was putting on something that I wasn't exactly thrilled about (my mother made it for me, so it's a whole 'nother long story, but SOME ONE had an attachment to that dress and it sure as hell wasn't me). Simple white sheaths are easy to come by, and hell, since you don't care that much, buy something that you can dye black, chop up the neckline and have a sweet cocktail dress to wear with your hot shoes when your wedding is done and over!
ReplyDeleteAsk him to help buy one if you can't afford it? idk, I wouldn't wear it if it upset him that much :S
ReplyDelete@cathi
ReplyDeleteWhat a well-worded response.
AGREE