Dear ESB, I have a dilemma.
I shall set the scene for you first:
We are getting married in 6 months time in an idyllic country church in a small village in Somerset where my FH grew up. The reception will be held on his parents' substantial rural gorgeous property (think thatched farmhouse, extensive grounds and gardens, large barn for dining). We are deliriously, happily in love and looking forward to celebrating with 80ish of our close friends and family.
I was going to have zero bridesmaids, I'm really anti-traditional wedding protocol and there will be no speeches just music, dancing and lots of alcohol. The thought of a hen do makes me want to curl up and die. I am a recently retired (read turned 30) DJ and the sight of an L plate and a veil entering the club is ensued by an icy grip on your heart as you come to terms with the knowledge that at some point in the night you are going to be asked to play something truly, truly shit. BUT I do have some wonderful friends and FH has a three year old well behaved niece so I have myself a wedding party...plan number 1 failed. Included are my two best friends, my two teen cousins and said small one. This is when I started to spiral into difficulty, even though we both wanted this to be as simple and easy as possible- it never bloody is.
The father of one of my teen bridesmaids is my ex-uncle, through a now-broken-up marriage. To put it bluntly, he is a twat. A BMW driving, twice bankrupted, wife-beating, lying, cheating, charming, troublemaking, double glazing salesman. My Aunt is still in close contact with him (WHY), as is (obviously) his daughter- who thinks he is a saint and doesn't know the half of it. Now they expect it as a given that he will be invited- I mean what the fuck??? Why on earth would I want the man who had a punch up at his own wedding, and started a fight at my other aunts wedding at my own sacred nuptials- the guy has a track record.
My Ma hates him and is on my side. My FH's parents are amazing, seriously fucking brilliant refined gentle country people and I love them and never want to expose them to this low-life. But my Aunt is Sicilian and can be really scary and hold a grudge and I have visions of her pulling my cousin out the wedding if I don't comply. I've tested the waters and talked to other members of my family, stating that there is no way I'm having him there and they have stuck up for him saying he's changed and is cool now. He is not, I saw him a while back, he was drunk and unpleasant, but not as bad as I remember.
Now I'm starting to think maybe we should just invite him to avoid all the tension (as I said my Aunt is fucking scary and should keep him in line) do I risk it just to have an easy life?
Right now I'm burying my head in the sand and concentrating on the smug, warm feeling I get when I remember that my dressmaker, who owns a little vintage shop in a nearby village and whom I stumbled on by chance, just casually dropped into conversation at my last fitting that she has worked for both Galliano and Dior. This is a way better feeling then the former.
Yours Faithfully,
Dirtylittlerockgirl
*****
Come on, littlerockgirl. Did you lose your backbone when you turned 30??
Don't invite the twat.
Photo by Cass Bird for Muse Magazine
I concur with ESB. Also, if he does pull your cousins? Great, it solved the 'I didn't want so many bridesmaids anyway' problem.
ReplyDeletehah, saying the uncle will 'pull your cousins' sounds pretty bad.
DeleteThe OP will understand (UK slang).
Lets not call him a twat, my twat doesn't want to be associated with this excuse for a man. Can we stick go with wanker?
ReplyDeleteDon't invite him. Your wedding your rules. Just tell your aunt nicely that you don't want him there because you don't want the drama. If she pulls your cousins then so be it...their loss.
I second the wanker term (although twat is one of my favorite terms)...
DeleteAnyway.. don't invite the wanker. Why risk having him make a scene at your awesome laid back wedding?
I concur
ReplyDeleteWhat is an L plate?
ReplyDeleteapparently something you put on a student driver's car? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-plate
DeleteI don't know how it fits into weddings...
I googled it...yes, for the license plate but at a hen party they bring stuff with the L plate sticker on it because the bride is a "learner" at being a wife/sex etc and the girls are there to "teach her the ways of the world."
DeleteGross.
Deletewhat's an L plate?
ReplyDeletealso, yes, please don't invite the asshole. hopefully your aunt will understand, even if you need to spell it out for her.
Learner plates you attach to the cars of people learning to drive (before they pass their driving test) to warn other road users... and often worn by brides-to-be on hen nights (bachelorettes) along with pink feather boas, too much cleav and a vodka-redbull or eight.
DeleteIt is simple: Don't invite him. When your aunt asks why he isn't invited, don't say anything about him being an asshole. Jut tell her that you're keeping the wedding small, so you're only inviting close friends and family. You'll be implying that you aren't inviting him because you two aren't close, which is more or less the truth, no?
ReplyDeleteAgreed ^^^
DeleteYup. It's a small wedding. That's your reason right there. People typically understand that. Especially if you have a nice convo with her about it.
DeleteYep. He's not your uncle anymore, in all technicality, so I think that's a good excuse without opening a can of worms.
DeleteSooooooo much awesome British slang in this letter. I actually didn't understand 95% of it, but I'm going to go with EBS here and say don't invite the gross uncle character.
ReplyDeleteYou need to start watching british TV shows or something then...
DeleteAt a huge wedding he may disappear into the crowd a bit more, but at an intimate small wedding, even if he doesn't get get into a brawl, he will likely be garnering negative attention. Would you rather face potential (unreasonable) anger from your aunt or look back at your wedding with anger that you got suckered into something that blew up in your face? Seems like a pretty easy choice to me.
ReplyDeleteWho's the dressmaker?
ReplyDeleteI invited a few people I didn't really care for to my wedding for the sake of various family members' sanities and just... bc I didn't want to fight about it. My wedding was a bit bigger than the one you're planning, so perhaps they were just lost in the shuffle, but they also didn't bother me in the slightest the day of. I didn't notice any of them and it didn't affect anything, and, barring your uncle actually fist fighting, I doubt you would either. Not advising to invite him, just pointing out that you won't actually care (probably) on your day.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I have had to invite some people whom I would rather not, at the request of immediate family members. I caved. Please don't cave too :(
ReplyDelete