Dear ESB
I have one month and one day to go until our wedding.
Three of my closest, dearest, most wonderful friends will not be coming. They all have excellent reasons - they live on opposite ends of the planet and can't afford to come blah blah blah.
My rational head KNOWS that i am not actually MARRYING any of my best friends, and all that will matter on the W-Day is my fiance is there and he says 'I do'. BUT my rational head isn't getting much of a look in at the moment, and I keep dwelling on the fact that none of them will be there and getting a bit miserable. SO I need a healthy dose of your beautifully mean snark to shake me out of this gloom.
Thanks everso
XXXXX
*****
Oh, man.
I can't snark on demand.
Here's what I've got: Allow yourself to be sad about your friends. Wallow, if you need to. Then BUCK THE FUCK UP, make yourself a martini, and traipse around the house in your wedding shoes. You're getting married!!
In keeping with the fashion idol theme: Darren McDonald Captures An Homage to Patti Smith for Helmet Magazine #3 via Fashion Gone Rogue
Try as hard as you can to focus on the people who WILL be there
ReplyDeleteThat sucks girl. I feel your pain. I have a close friend who wasn't able to make it to my wedding four years ago and it still sort of stings, for both of us.
ReplyDeleteI had two close friends that did not make it to my wedding, and I was fairly crushed about it, despite the fact that so many other dear friends were able to make it. In the end, I realized I was most sad that when looking back on this important day, they were not part of the memories made. And this hasn't changed now that the wedding day has passed. I am still sad about it. But, ultimately, when I was marrying my husband, I was so thankful for the people that WERE there to support us, that I was not as concerned about the ones that were not.
ReplyDeletesounds like you need to call some friends that are near you and just have a fun night getting excited about your wedding, get your mind off the besties that can't be there.
ReplyDeletealso, skype! talk to your best friends and let them know you miss them and give them a chance to make you feel better about missing the day (they will probably say the right things, they are your best friends). Also, if you will be seeing them in person anytime in the next year or so plan time to get together and show your wedding photos and stories with them.
At least they told you ahead of time that they can't make it instead of last-minute-cancel-even-though-they-knew-all-along-so-here-pay-$150-a-pop-anyway. Be grateful they are true friends by being upfront about it. Also, walking around in your wedding shoes with martini is the best idea- I plan to go home and do that just for fun.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's just one day. You will make other memories with these friends. If your wedding is anything like mine was, you'll rarely get the chance to have a real conversation with anyone. I didn't get to hang out with my best friends at my wedding b/c I was busy meeting my husband's 1 million relatives. But they are my best friends so I have and will see them aplenty in the future. So go make that martini right now and you will feel so much better.
Bummerz. :( There were a few key people missing at my wedding as well, and I was down in the dumps about it beforehand just like you. But- and I feel bad even saying this!- I didn't even think about them on the big day. The people who were there made us feel so remarkably loved and cherished and they celebrated with us so hard...I was in a reverie and couldn't think about anything besides how friggen happy and blessed I was. It's natural and right, what you're feeling now. But don't worry: the W-Day will be awesome and your best friends will still be your best friends afterward and you can bet they're just as bummed about it as you are and will likely make it up to you somehow.
ReplyDeleteThe wedding blues! I feel like you spend so much time worrying about the myriad things that could go wrong with your wedding, that when something does go wrong, it's easy to seize on that and think "See! it IS a disaster." But it's not! Regroup (after martinis and stomping) and focus on all of the many many amazing things that are going right, and the countless thoughtful gestures and efforts to be there that other people ARE making. Chin up ladybug!
ReplyDeleteI get this. Marrying into an Army family means we're short some loved ones.
ReplyDeleteThankfully we live in the fucking future, so we'll skype the ceremony, and the toasts, tell people we love them, and party onward.
(This I can cope with, but cat puke on the dress and I write a Dear ESB? This wedding is making me stupid.)
Expecting people to spend hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars to celebrate the fact that you found someone to legally bonk strikes me as a little self centered. $0.02
ReplyDeleteBe grateful for what you have.
Douche response. OP: you sound plenty grateful, just understandably sad. I second all the supportive advice above.
Deletewhaat? bitter much? I'd be interested to know if you are married or getting married, because if you are you realize that it's a big MOMENT in someone's life, and inviting people to share in that moment is not selfish, in any way.
DeleteAlso, the writer said she was bummed her friends couldn't make it, but respected that they had valid reasons for not being there.
She doesn't expect them to pay that money. In fact, she specifically says she understands. But she's still sad that they won't be there. Emotional complexity: At least the OP has it.
Deletewhat Anon 12:43, JB, and MsK said.
DeleteShe doesn't expect shit, she is just sad that 3 of her closest friends aren't able to make it.
Fair call - I would be sad too.
what Anon 12:43, JB, and MsK said.
DeleteShe doesn't expect shit, she is just sad that 3 of her closest friends aren't able to make it.
Fair call - I would be sad too.
HEY DEBBIE DOWNER- as long as our girl is 18 i believe she can bonk whoever the fuck she wants. go be a dick to your sex depraved hubby, not some random esb writer-inner.
DeleteWith that attitude, it's kind of a mystery as to why Anon 12:39 is reading wedding blogs...
DeleteI feel you. I was sad about my best friend and maid of honour likely not being able to make it to our wedding (in 2.5 weeks. Holy hell. huzzah!) due to being...due. To drop a kidlet. (in fact that happened yesterday ahead of schedule so fingers crossed she can come now. Plus bairn.)
ReplyDeleteANYway, to say: yes it's sad even when you appreciate that there a totally legit reason.
Initially I tried not to show her that I was bummed, because I thought it might make her feel bad - but actually just having a frank chat about how we both understood the situation but were both super sad was quite cathartic and I was able to stop dwelling on it.
That and I was threatening to take others' Skype advice a stage further and set up a live video link to the wedding so she could give a speech from her bed - If you have the tech I think this is a pretty good idea.
Be sad. Then be happy that you have friends that you would be so sad to miss. Then have that martini.
Best advice ever, ESB!
ReplyDeleteyes. Cry now and get it out of your system. Only then will you be able to move on.
DeleteAww you guys... I'm the one suffering from wedding grumpiness due to my three absent friends - thanks so much to ESB et al. Perfect comments - made me feel heaps better to be told firstly that it was ok to feel sad, but then also to buck the fuck up. And i have. Bucked the fuck up, that is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, love that someone used the phrase 'legally bonk' without a hint of irony. BONK! That word cheered me up almost as much as the martini did.
This is such a wake up call to the whiny, bitchy wedding guests and bridesmaids that don't want to/can't financially prioritize going to the weddings of their dear friends.
ReplyDelete