Hello,
I wrote a year or so ago regarding my man taking too long to propose and you told me to chill the fuck out or ask him already. I did neither, although it was sound advice. So this past weekend he finally did ask me and we are very excited to move on with our lives. I am not even sure what kind of wedding we want yet, but we do know a few things, including that we don't want a bridesmaids or groomsmen. My main reason is that traditionally my sisters are always each other's MOH, and I don't want my sister to be mine! I am the last to marry, so I would be really insulting her if I don't ask her, but I have several girlfriends that I am much closer with. I think secretly she would hate the task too, but would dutifully do it. I was her MOH, and I hated it and she was a horrible bride. So is the only solution to just not have a wedding party at all? If so, who signs the license?
A little background info - my man and I have been together for 9 years and have a child, home, and dog together already. We just want a big fun gorgeous party. I don't want a bridal shower and we are not registering for gifts or any of that.
A second, related question is - how do we get out of inviting aunts, uncles, and cousins that we never talk to? Do we just invite everyone and not worry about it or can we say only our best friends and close family are invited?
Thanks!
*****
DO YOU EVEN READ THIS BLOG??
You people make me tired.
1. Ask whoever you want to be your MOH and/or sign the damn license.
2. Yes, you can say that only close friends and family are invited. (SEE, YOU DO READ THIS BLOG.)
Like you're going to follow my advice anyway. Who are we kidding.
"B u r n t" by Robert Wun via Clik clk via lucille {m}
you could have a parent from either side sign the paper work, there's nothing on that thing saying "bridesmaid sign here" or "groomsmen sign here" it just says "witness."
ReplyDeleteAlso, you don't NEED an MOH, at all. Make them ALL the "best women" cuz they're in your wedding party. Just ask whoever you want to help out with things, make a speech etc.
I'm kind of impressed at the ballsiness of your freely admitting that you didn't follow ESB's advice last time, then asking for more advice.
ReplyDeleteAfter nine years, a house, a kid, and a dog, I think the big wedding ship has sailed. You seem to get this on some level, because you're eschewing the shower and wedding party. It would make more sense if y'all eloped in a semi-fabulous-yet-private manner, perhaps with the friends you would WANT as your MOH/Best Man as witnesses. Then invite everyone for a big party afterwards.
But of course, you are just going to do what you want, so why did you write in again?
So if you're in a long-term, committed relationship that's not marriage for many years, you miss your chance for a wedding?
DeleteTotally disagree. I look forward to those ones the most!
WOW, no wedding ship of any kind has sailed just because she's dated her partner for a long time and has a dog/kid/house. COME ON. People of all kinds are allowed to have the wedding they want.
Delete"After nine years, a house, a kid, and a dog, I think the big wedding ship has sailed."
DeleteWhat?? Is this the nineteenth century? What could possibly be your rationale for this statement? They should marry quietly in a corner because they cohabited/have a kid?
People marry for all kinds of reasons.
Naaah, I disagree. I love weddings after long-term relationships with kids. Attended 2 as a guest: It's so romantic to tie the knot after such a long time. But I think the weddings should be more grown up.....
Delete"hey EB i asked ur advice 1 year ago and i didnt take it so do i absolutely have 2 have bridesmaids???"
ReplyDeleteLordy.
You CAN do whatever you want with the bridal party and invite whomever you'd like, only you know the consequences of whatever choice you make!
ReplyDeleteFor me it's all or no extended family unless I want to hear about it from EVERYONE for the rest of my life. I have come up with some passive aggressive ways to cut out people (surprise wedding, inconvenient date), but have no real solid solution. Good luck!
Totally disagree. I didn't invite most of my dad's side of the family because they suck. They were kind of pissed about it, but they've lived less than an hour from me most of my life and I've seen them 3 times. No one is owed an invite because of a few strands of DNA.
DeleteOh I agree that no one is OWED one, I'm just saying everyone has to weigh their own balance of the consequences of not inviting people. "For me" literally meant for me personally because of the shit I'll have to deal with otherwise. I am all for people who can not invite crazy uncles/unknown cousins and not give a fuck!
DeleteDifferent anon here. I was a bit of a coward when it came to inviting extended family and close friends of my parents, so we opted to have our wedding far away in a small town in Montana. We talked with all our important peeps that we wanted there to make sure it was doable for them and the planned a weekend. We sent out the obligatory invites but distant relatives or people who only casually know the bride and groom (aka the people we want to cut) don't usually she'll out the clams for a cross country trip. Sneaky and yes just a tad passive aggressive, but no feelings were really hurt. My dad complained but we covered the wedding and his trip out there so I think he was just looking for something to complain about.
DeleteThat was riddled with typos. I'm sorry. I'm still getting used to tablet typing.
DeleteI agree.
ReplyDeleteHold a small ceremony and back yard reception/party for close friends and family only.
Ask any one of those close friends or family to be your witnesses on the register (parents, siblings, whoever).
Simple.
all I can do is laugh.
ReplyDeleteyou've been engaged since last weekend? I might gently suggest you peek at the "chill the fuck out" advice one more time
ReplyDeletethis.
Deleteoh missed that part... yes "chill the fuck out" times 20.
Deletei'm sorry but who are these people who don't want to invite their family to their "big" party?? if it's so big then it shouldn't be an issue to invite them, and if you're not that close they probably won't come anyway. i understand that not everyone is super close to all of their aunts/uncles/cousins but they are your FAMILY, so unless they are terrible human beings or you can't afford it i just don't get not wanting them at your wedding. ok rant over.
ReplyDeletePeople who have over 100 people just in aunts/uncles, and first cousins?
Delete"Not that close" doesn't begin to describe my relationship with some of my cousins. "Wouldn't recognize them on the street" is more accurate. So is it that hard to understand why I'd rather make room for friends I do know?
This exactly.
DeleteAgreed. Weddings are a good opportunity to reunite/ get to know the extended family. I understand the financial side of things but a wedding should be planned around the people, not a venue or other petty details. (I hate hate HATE the my venue only accepts 50 people so I have to not invite a bunch of people).
DeleteOf course the wedding should be planned around the people. Doesn't mean you have to invite everyone. If you're a big party/big wedding person by all means do, but if you're introverted or have a tiny family or don't like crowds or want to make sure you actually get to talk to the people who show up or WHATEVER there is no reason to invite 100 people you wouldn't recognize on the street just because they're 'family.'
DeleteAlso, sometimes you pick a venue based on the people you plan to invite and then suddenly it turns out (hi parents) that there are MORE PEOPLE you want to invite or your families want to invite or your friends start dating people or ask for extremely reasonable +1s and now you have 20 more people than you were expecting and the venue limitations start to matter. OOPS.
If you want to reconnect with distant family that you either dont know or haven't seen in years, then have a family reunion. Wedding festivities will more than likely keep you from having time to catch up an make/ reestablish familial bonds and connections. Your parents probably won't have much of a chance to reconnect to their distant family either.
DeleteYou should invite only the people you want to your wedding. I have a huge family, but am only close with a fraction of them. They are the ones who keep in touch with us, know about our life, and vice versa. We love our family, but in my opinion, just because you share my DNA doesn't get you an automatic invite. We invited a lot of our friends and the family we keep in touch with. Oh, and paying for the wedding yourselves will really help shape the invite list your way. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteugh. this chick be trippin.
ReplyDeletelady - do whatever you want! there aren't any rules. You don't HAVE to do/have anything you don't want.
Woah. Unless the wedding is in 6 months, I'd say wicked cool it on the planning. If she's already stressing on who signs what when, day of she's gonna need some serious sedatives and a straight jacket.
ReplyDeleteI heard that your MOH signs your wedding license.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to have a MOH.
WHO WILL SIGN MY LICENSE?!?!?!?
(BRAIN EXPLODING DUE TO INABILITY TO GRASP FACT THAT ***ANYONE WHO WITNESSES THE WEDDING*** CAN SIGN AS WITNESS ON THE WEDDING LICENSE)
Seriously. We just grabbed the two people standing nearest when we were doing the paperwork. An aunt, and I don't even remember who the other person was. It's an incredibly insignificant detail in the grand scheme of things.
Deletehave you seen my big fat american gypsy wedding?
ReplyDelete