Crazy Pseudo-Sister-In-Law-To-Be Is Making Me Crazy

Hello ESB,

I read your blog daily, and I was hoping to never have a problem that would rise to ESB-level, but unfortunately I wasn’t so lucky. I will try to be as brief as possible.   

My FH is from New Zealand. He has a younger brother, "Mike", who is 34.  Mike has been with "Emily" for at least 7 years (they have lived together for that long). They are not engaged, and I don't think Mike has any plans to propose (a whole different topic completely). When I first met her last year in Auckland she immediately vented her frustration with not being engaged and told me she planned to propose to Mike on Leap Day (2012). However, in January, my FH proposed to me. Emily never proposed to Mike. And FH and I are happily in love and planning our wedding. Unfortunately, I am Facebook friends with Emily.

She posted this as a status update after I had posted an engagement photo of FH and me on Facebook (her status postings are in blue and are only altered to change the names of people referenced):

May 18
It's amazing how someone (or a pair of people in this instance) can burst your bubble so much that you give up on your own hopes and dreams...sad but true

Now, let me say she is overall a pretty negative person, so posts like this are not shocking. But I couldn’t help but realize the timing of the post, the “pair” reference, etc. I mentioned it to FH and while we assumed it was in reference to our engagement photo, we tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I forgot about it and went on with my life. 

Then a week later, she posted this as her status update:

May 28
Yes, I'm hoping that one day Mike and I will be able to take time out to enjoy life a bit before we're too old to move! I keep reading people's status updates and think, shit, where do people find the time and money to have fun (this includes going out for dinner or coffee for god's sake let alone going away for the wknd, going overseas, entertaining, etc. etc.??) Jealous much, fuck yeah! It's tak...ing me a lifetime to save to go to a family wedding in LA (my first time overseas - voluntary) - It's very, very likely I may need to forfeit that cos I'm still too fucking poor!! Never mind study loan shit. Prostitution has been an option for many, many years, but I'm still struggling with the concept to go ahead with it...and Mark would kill me. Donations to the "Emily Fund" very welcome.

and

Hey Linz - thanks for the feedback - I can see where you're coming from :) But firstly, I'm too old and ugly to be fluttering my eyes at punters to earn $$, secondly I am working (part-time while studying full time) but business is shit wit...h the current econmic market, thirdly, our internet costs are a flat rate per month despite how much I use (which isn't too much at all) so happy days, and finally, I do get to spend time with family and friends every now and then which is absolutely great, but I miss being able to go out for dinner/coffee/anything once in a while or being able to buy something nice without having to consider how I am going to live (survive) for the next week. I never buy clothes, and I haven't even had my hair cut or coloured in over 7 years to save $$. I do it all myself - that's why I look so shit. One day I'll win lotto and hopefully get a well-paying job, too!! ;) Postive thinking mate, I'll get there!!! :)

This one caused me to be somewhat angry because she’s complaining about having to save for our wedding in LA (Los Angeles), and I'm like, don't do me any favors. But, I also felt sorry for her becuase she's having to save for our wedding, so I bought a New Zealand Groupon for a dinner and was preparing to email it to her. P.S. Mike owns his house in Auckland, and they are not poor. Let me also say Mike is also on Facebook, and I have yet to confirm whether he has seen all of these crazy posts.

Then prior to my sending the Groupon, and just after I had posted about 30 engagement photos on Facebook, she posts this as her status:

May 31
I know, I know, jealousy makes you nasty - but come on! If you knew the circumstances, you'd so be backing me on this one!! Yet another kick to the guts! Pity it's extended family doing the kicking - perhaps it's time for a revist of the mid-life crisis I had earlier this year... :( 

This is pretty much when I got actually angry/annoyed. I am kicking her in the GUTS? I talked to FH and told her that she is crazy, and I really didn't want anyone at our wedding that isn’t happy to be there and happy for us. He agreed that she’s crazy.  He says her whole family is crazy, and we have to treat her like a person with a disease. Long story short, even though his parents, my FH, and I all think she’s a bit crazy and rude, we are still supposed to invite her to our wedding (per my FH). FH is convinced that she won’t come because she either can’t afford it or just won’t want to be there (weird that Mike wouldn't buy her ticket, but again, not my issue). I don’t want to take that chance! But, I gave in, and said I wouldn’t deal with it for now. 

Then she posted this as her status today:

11 hours ago
I need to remind myself that I should never envy others because everyone has their own life (and shit to deal with) and you never know what's gonna happen in the future. (just trying to justify a jealous reaction to certain things and, naturally, to a wedding coming up next year... *^&#^*(@(*$*(@(^(@*) I need to remember to love & appreciate what I have now and stop comparing my life to others (a ...heavy burnden I've carried from my high school years of comparison and competing - YUKKY memories, but true, hence the reason I hate my RGHS years!) BUT, life is what you make of it - I am happy now, and I have genuine people in my life who love me for me, so that's all that matters. Ok, had my rant. Thanks for reading/listening! Have a good weekend peeps xx

So, now I’m just at a loss. FH is still saying we need to treat her like she has a disease. I’m wondering why if she’s so off her rocker that Mike is with her. He’s a good looking, nice, smart guy. And this is just unbelievable. 

So here’s my question: I know she’s obviously very disturbed and super unhappy with her life. But I'm also incredibly affected by this behavior. I just don’t think I can let this go and have her show up at our wedding and put on this attitude. Plus, she'd be at EVERY event because she's "family," and Mike is a groomsman. FH doesn’t want me to say anything to provoke her. Also, our save the dates are going out next week, and I cannot imagine the backlash from that. 

What can I do? What should my FH do? How do I get him to do it? What do I do with the Groupon? Any Kiwi-readers want it?

Thanks much

*****

Your FH is right. You have to invite the crazy lady.

Hide her damn updates, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ease up on the engagement-photo stream.

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT MANY ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS.

Photo by Herring & Herring