Planning the wedding was incredibly stressful. My husband and I both come from conservative families, and no one could seem to wrap their minds around a casual wedding in a park where I didn't care about things like bridesmaids or carrying a bouquet. I can't tell you how much my mother and I argued, or how hotly she criticized all my choices. My father regressed into a middle school child and gave me the silent treatment for five months.
So it was no surprise that when my father's best friend offered to play the violin at our wedding, he had no idea what kind of wedding I was having, and my parents couldn't help him. I tried my best to explain it to him, but he didn't get it, either. We eventually agreed that he would play the wedding march. He couldn't make it to the rehearsal, but he was a professional and it would be easy for him to figure out when to start playing, right?
The day of the wedding, the pastor asked the guests to turn their cameras off; a friend of ours would take pictures and we would be happy to share them. My father walked me to the beginning of the aisle. The guests stood up. We waited for the music to start. Nothing happened. I craned my neck to see what was the matter. Instead of holding his violin, my father's friend was TAKING PICTURES. I didn't know what to do. Everyone was staring at me. The pastor clearly had no idea what to do, either. We all stood there like a frozen tableau for a solid minute, until the violinist decided he had enough pictures and started to play. The rest of the wedding went off without a hitch.
Afterwards, my father, mother, and my father's best friend all told me they thought the wedding was going to be a disaster, but they were so surprised when it wasn't!
Also, we have almost no photographs of the reception because our photographer decided he would rather talk to mutual friends than, say, photograph guests. Be careful when you hire friends!
And, if you "hire" friends make sure they are actually hired and that you pay them. 90% of my wedding vendors were friends of mine or my husband's, but we had invoices and contracts with most of them. We went through everything just as we would have if they weren't our friends, except some of them wouldn't accept part of our payment or added a bonus as our wedding gift.
ReplyDeleteI do have to wonder if the hired friends were paid at all. On the rare occasions I've shot weddings pro bono as a gift to a friend or family, I take more breaks and chat more with other guests than I would ever think to do at a paid wedding. I still sufficiently capture the event, but no one's entitled to a hissy fit if I chat with my uncle for 5 minutes during the dancing part of the reception when I'm working for 24+ hours (editing included) for free, y'know?
ReplyDeletethe do not offer to shoot the wedding. You can offer your pictures as a gift, but you can not offer to provide a service you will not provide.
DeleteThings should be clear. Did you explain them you would take more breaks because you are not getting paid?
do you understand that when you offer, you make it id difficult for the couple to hire a professional photographer? They would feel they are somehow nowt valueing your gift enough.
These posts are starting to really bum me out.
ReplyDeleteyeah
DeleteReally? They're making me really thankful for how well my wedding went, and especially that I don't have a crazy MIL.
DeleteI lucked out with MILs, but my husband's sister has the worst. She invited extra people to the wedding, didn't tell anyone, lied about it to the couple's face when there weren't enough chairs for everyone, and only fessed up when one of the extra guests confirmed that she said he could come. The wedding party ended up eating subway. THIS IS NOT THE MOST FUCKED UP THING SHE HAS DONE.
DeleteOriginal submitter here. Payment is a fair point. Violinist was offered money but refused. Photographer is an amateur, but this was not his first wedding. He asked for very little and we paid him more. We have 25 photos of the reception and 6 of those are of us signing the marriage certificate.
ReplyDelete