Hi ESB,
My aunt's ex-husband gave her a pair of diamond stud earrings (3 mm diamonds) when they got married (no ring) and she gave them to me when they got divorced. She told me that she didn't care if I ever wore them, but she didn't want them anymore and thought that of everyone in the family, I should have them.
A few years later, her adult son (from a different marriage) passed away as a result of chronic health problems. A few months after that, her ex husband committed suicide (after receiving a poor health diagnosis) and she wound up with his dog. She wasn't the most emotionally put-together before all of this and after the divorce and two losses, it's worse.
I've never worn the earrings because they aren't my style (prong-set in yellow gold) and I get uncomfortable looking at them. Fast-forward to today, my FH and I are designing an engagement+band set with a local artist. They will re-use stones in their designs. Do I use the diamonds as accents?
On the one hand, I don't care that much about a multi-stone ring. The artist does amazing metalworking that makes you totally forget how many stones there are and we are already purchasing a larger stone for the main setting. Also, if the earrings give me the willies when they're in my sock drawer, how will I feel about looking at the stones every day?
On the other hand, when the artist does have more than one stone to work with, the work gets even better. Also, what the hell else am I supposed to do with these earrings? Can't give them to anyone else in the family and wouldn't want to saddle anyone anyway.
If I do use them, do I need to tell anyone besides my FH (who already knows)? Do I tell the aunt? My mother?
Thanks,
Diamond Dilemma
*****
Put em in a collar for the dog.
Image via The Life Files
Sell them and buy new stones? Is that heartless?
ReplyDeleteSell, sell, sell!
DeleteHow is this hard?
This is so smart and it didn't occur to me. So maybe sell them and buy new diamonds with the money? Would that still ick you out?
DeleteThe benefit of that is that the aunt probably won't be able to tell that you used different diamonds. You know, if you're okay with a little white lie.
Is it a possibility to sell them and put the money towards ring/wedding expenses or something? Since your aunt gave them to you years ago and hasn't asked you about them, I'd assume she's happier without them and won't follow up any time soon to discover their whereabouts. Get the creepy earrings out of your life and feel good that you turned a sad situation into something happy.
ReplyDelete'help, I'm drowning in diamonds!'
ReplyDeletesell them and give the money to charity? or pocket it, whatever.
How about a charity researching or supporting the illness that took her son's life?
DeleteIf they make you uncomfortable, don't put them in your engagement ring that you have to look at for your entire life.
ReplyDeleteWhy not wear them once around her (at your shower? a family dinner?) to let her know that you appreciate the gift. You're not obligated to wear them though, or even do anything with them. There's nothing wrong with holding on to them and just letting time pass.
I'll take them, I've been meaning to get yellow gold diamond earrings.
ReplyDeletedon't put them in your engagement ring if they give you the creeps. i would sell them and use the cash to do something fun with your aunt -- a short trip, perhaps. she sounds like she needs a little TLC. she did something nice for you once -- a gift of diamonds (even unwanted ones) is a pretty BFD. maybe it's time to do something sweet for her.
ReplyDeletesuch a great idea.
DeleteI also love this idea!
DeleteTHIS!
DeleteSell them and put the money towards your ring. Tell aunt you got mugged for them. Or you know, be honest. If they give *you* the willies, I can only imagine what they do for her.
ReplyDelete"wouldn't want to saddle anyone anyway" tells you all you need to know. Don't make your special engagement ring about anything except your marriage.
ReplyDeleteSave the earrings if you like, keep them in a drawer don't feel guilty about them, be kind to your aunt.
An East London Bride
I second the idea of selling them and using the money to do something good like treating to your aunt to something special. Your fiance can buy you some other stones.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I'd ask your aunt once again, just to be sure, if she doesn't want them back now. Suicide can change everything, i.e. that initial "get them out of my face" feeling she had after the divorce. Grief changes everything, it levels everything. Forget about your desire for a multi-diamond ring.
ReplyDeleteanother great idea.
DeleteAre you sure no one else wants to be saddled with these earrings? Not everyone else believes in bling juju. I'd check amongst the cousins.
ReplyDeleteThey are diamonds, for gosh sakes, not a voodoo doll! Have the designer put four similarly sized diamonds into your ring, and not tell you which ones are from the earrings and which ones are new. That way they won't be 'staring you in the face.' Problem solved! (Love the artist's work, btw!)
ReplyDeletei would definitely ask my aunt if she wanted them before using them or selling them. you're not gonna break her if you bring it up; she will probably appreciate the consideration.
ReplyDeleteand like others have said, if she doesn't want them, sell them, and do something nice for her.
I'd sell them. OR give them to the jeweler and tell him to use diamonds of the same price that aren't THOSE diamonds? Would that not work?
ReplyDeleteGosh, those are the most ugly rings i have ever seen. If "diamond-dilemma" likes these the earrings might be quite nice?!
ReplyDeleteThat last comment was unnecessarily rude...
ReplyDeleteWhy are so many of you guys such assholes? Sure, it's a first world problem, but who the fuck cares, so many questions on this site are first world problems. If you don't have anything helpful to say, just STFU.
ReplyDeleteOP - Seems like the stones have some bad juju. I'd sell 'em and put the $$ towards doing whatever inspires you with your engagement band. Obvs, you'll want to have them appraised first. Good luck.
It's a *wedding blog*. If you don't like reading about trivial problems, don't come here. Duh.
DeleteYou're a genius, ESB. The dog's diamonds pictured look just like the rings the jeweler makes! Offer to give the diamonds back to your aunt before you do anything else.
ReplyDeleteWhy, if you do already feel weird and conflicted about these stones, would you consider making them part of your ring?
ReplyDeleteI mean - if *you* believe in the emotional vibe of jewellery then surely the ring that's symbolising the love of you and your partner etc will pack even more of an emotional/karmic weight to you... so why taint it.
(with a tendency to mindfuck myself, I might worry that the fact I've raised the concern in my head means I would think of it each time I saw the ring.)
For more stones?? A big EHHH to that.
Sell if you want. Don't lie to your Aunt about it.
I kinda feel that by taking them out of their original context and putting them in your ring, you will be giving them a new context, a good one. You, and the jeweler who sets them in a beautiful ring, will be giving them "good juju", so to speak. So something that had negative connotations is put to rest, and something with good connotations comes out of it. Win-win.
ReplyDelete