Hi ESB,
I've got somewhat of an issue that I would really appreciate your no-nonsense approach to: my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 1/2 years now and we both realize we're perfect for one another (despite neither of us believing in "soul mates"). We've been talking about getting engaged for a while now but monetary restrictions were an interference until about last month (hooray raises!).
However, 2012 seems to be the year that ALL of our close friends decided to get married. You see, we've been invited to 15 weddings this year, so far, and it's only March. We've agreed we will be going to 9 of those, with 6 weddings being of very best friends which we're actually part of the wedding party. 2 of the others are in town (minimal cost) and 1 is out of town for a very close friend who my boyfriend would be a groomsman for if the groom didn't already have 6 brothers...
While the idea of 5 in-state weddings, 4 out of state weddings and 5 out of state bachelor/bachelorette parties would make anyone cringe, that's not the problem I have. The real issue is our own engagement and wedding. And we're planning a wedding in the spring/early summer of next year!
I love my boyfriend and can't wait to marry him; we have so much fun together! I feel like it is a very honest, mature relationship which is a blessing in itself. However, after all these other weddings, I'm left feeling exhausted. Feel free to tell me I'm being petty, however it's hard to look forward to my own wedding when I feel so overwhelmed by all the others.
I truly am excited for our friends to be able to go through this special time in their lives, but the thought of our own engagement and wedding feels somewhat trumped by all the many other ones going on right now. Although I'm sure the financial obligations associated with this year aren't helping, we're more than capable to afford these events or we wouldn't have said yes in the first place.
I just need some guidance on how to look forward to our own special time despite feeling burned out by everyone else's.
I appreciate any thoughts/suggestions/wake-the-F-up insight you could give.
-Just Wait Until They Get Pregnant
ps. we're going ring shopping together this weekend
*****
Maybe you and your boyfriend should establish some sort of rating system for food, decor, guest attire, bride's shoes, fit of the groom's suit, etc. (Sort of like that bad show but better.)
Then you can entertain yourselves by filling out score cards at each wedding.
Siri Tollerod by Suzie Q + Leo Siboni for Exhibition #2 via Fashion Gone Rogue
Ummm... We went to seven weddings the year we got married and, yeah, we kind of did this. I have to say, it was really fun. Especially because ours won (surprise!).
ReplyDeleteOBVIOUSLY you don't tell anyone else though. Except the entire internet. Whoops.
It's also an excellent (and enjoyable)chance to "research". At the other weddings leading up to our wedding, I was able to test drive wedding hairstyle/makeup ideas in an appropriately "fancy" context. And we got to see how certain wedding ideas that we were considering actually played out. Last, but certainly not least, I think we enjoyed the other weddings much more because we finally realized how much work, thought, and love were put into each. So relax and enjoy all the awesome parties that you get to attend this year with your fun partner!
ReplyDeleteUgh I feel the same way! I'm going to 6 weddings this year, one being my sister's that I'm part of, I'm so tired of the wedding talks among family that even though the almost fiance and I are talking about getting married next summer and have done the ring shopping thing I don't even really want to think about, plan or discuss my own wedding.
ReplyDeleteI also already know of 3 other weddings that I'll be part of or invited to that will happen next year, none of which have a date set :S
But maybe this means we'll both be really decisive brides? Or end up having a surprise wedding ceremony where only a few people know it's a wedding, or maybe it'll be really small or there'll be an elopement? Not everyone has to have a big ass fancy pants wedding.
Your friends will be just as excited for you, maybe even more excited now that they know the "specialness" of being a bride. And having just planned and survived wedding madness, they will know the support and encouragement you need to get through the planning!
ReplyDeleteAnd the other comments are correct -- use all these wedding as research! It will help you guys decide what you do and don't want way easier than looking at blogs and shit.
Also, bow out of most of those bachelor and bachelorette parties if they cost a ton. It always seemed inconsiderate to me to expect people to travel for a bachelorette, a shower AND a wedding. Don't feel guilty, and you won't miss out.
Dang, that's a lot of weddings! Honestly, though, I don't really think it will diminish your actual excitement/enthusiasm for your own planning. You're probably feeling overwhelmed now because you're JUST realizing how many other weddings you have to attend this year, but once your plane tickets are bought, you really won't have to spend too much time thinking about the other people's weddings until you actually attend them.
ReplyDeleteWhich means you'll have over 300 days (ish) to think about your own wedding. See? Not so bad.
Plus, as everyone else said, the other weddings will be a really great opportunity to pick and choose what you really like or what didn't work.
P.S. Congratulations to you and your soon-to-be fiance!
Yeah I was thinking the same thing as the ESB... use it as an opportunity to really think about what you want and don't want at your wedding. I find seeing what is super important to others puts in perspective what is (or isn't) important to you.
ReplyDeleteSit back and soak in :)
I totally do that. It has nothing to do with the number of weddings I attend, I just love to bitch.
ReplyDeleteyeah, you need to make a game of it, preferably a drinking game.
ReplyDeleteAlso esb, you're KILLING it with the pictures. This one and the one for the made-to-measure post are exceptional.
Back to back to back to back to back weddings is precisely the reason I now never want one of my own. So, yeah. Totally get it.
ReplyDeleteDrink a lot! And look at theirs as test runs for whatever you definitely don't want at your own.
you know what's worse? being the first in yours + his group of friends to get married and then have everyone make comments comparing their future weddings to yours. like "we had so much fun at your wedding, that we know ours will be even better, since our friends are more fun."
ReplyDeletethe grass is always greener.
I think your friends might be a bit burned out by the time yours comes around, but I don't think they will be any less happy for you. Hopefully you've got family who aren't involved in all these friend weddings who will be able to help.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think once you start planning your own and making decisions about what represents the two of you, it will become a lot more fun. You'll be invested and, like everyone else has said, you'll have a lot of opportunity to see what works and what isn't necessary.
i agree with cara. drinking games make everythig more enjoyable. anything you think is cheesy/overdone/vetoed for your wedding = shot. ie. chicken dance = shot. your rating will depend on how hungover you are the next day.
ReplyDeletelol the photo.
ReplyDeleteI agree! Use them as guidebooks for what to do/what not to do. Take notes and be all judgey w/o telling anyone. Make for good times and act secretly elitist/superior. The only way you can get past it is to laugh at it, so laugh away.
And anyway, your wedding is over a year from now, at least you'll have time to breathe and so will your friends! If anything it will be a big throw down to cap it all off very excited like, or a great way to kick off the next wedding season.
Oof, that's a lot of weddings...
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time, don't worry, you'll be plenty excited about your own. It'll be the awesome one, where you get married. And have fun with all those friends getting married! Also, brace yourself for loads of advice from all of those newly married friends.
Don't worry about it. My husband and I went to 21 weddings in the last 3 years, 22 counting our own. Think of it as an opportunity to see all of the run of the mill things that every single person will do and to come up with more creative and unique things for your wedding that will set it apart. Believe me, after that many weddings in a row you'll know what you want and what will be the most fun for you and your fiance on your day.
ReplyDeleteyou committed to going to nine weddings in one year? you are a much nicer person than i could ever even dream of being.
ReplyDeleteWow, you guys are not nearly as snarky as I was expecting! Thank you for all the great advice and help with this! I definitely feel a lot better about my crazy year now and will take all your suggestions to heart.
ReplyDelete