Hi ESB
God this wedding sh*t is stressful
We got engaged in November, did f*ck all as we just enjoyed hanging and being happy, told family in December when we went home for Xmas and now it feels like we're in this headlong rush
What the f*ck changed?
We were going to do a City Hall thing in March but that sh*t apparently needs planning (ok, it is our choice to plan i.e. take some time choosing a dress and restaurant. telling witnesses to get their ass there)
And I haven't got to the whole June thing in London with family. That sh*t is totally taking a back seat. I want to do nice invites and stuff but I already feel like I'm going to be texting people from the plane to f*cking come with 3 days notice.
My boyfriend is awesome but never plans ahead but I feel like I am nagging him to get this sorted. and that is not a cool feeling
Are weddings ever sorted really? Or do you just run out of time?
I wish my job wasn't so stressful too. but it is paying for all this. Oh and we have to sort out my boyfriend's visa the very day after we get married. Ha yes, that's the big f*cking cherry on the cake
What would you make sure was covered and what would you ditch?
*****
Yikes. Okay, here's what you ABSOLUTELY NEED TO DO:
1. Find a venue + someone to marry you
2. Set a date
3. Invite people, witnesses, whoever
4. Get a marriage license
5. Figure out what to wear
The food, the drinks, the flowers, the fancy invitations, even the rings, are all icing on the cake -- THE CAKE!
Just kidding, you don't need a cake.
But lady, if you don't make a plan and STICK TO IT, this thing is never gonna happen.
Arizona Muse for Louis Vuitton Cruise 2012 by Mark Segal via Fashion Gone Rogue
If you're gonna curse, at least do it properly and stop using annoying *s as substitutes. If you're so uncomfortable with it that you can't type out the whole thing,just don't do it! It's annoying!!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more! SUPER annoying and beyond juvenile.
DeleteYou replied! Thank you! Your list is cool.
ReplyDeleteyou need to book a registrar/officiant to perform the wedding asap (and at least in the UK you need to delcare you intent to marry at least 3 weeks beforehand, but your city hall can tell you what you need to do re that). Once you've got a date booked in at city hall, that's the big stuff done.
ReplyDeleteThen let people know where to be when. Reserve tables in a restaurant for afterwards. buy clothes. done.
But seriously.. you need to get stuff done NOW, because March is waaay soon.
If you can, I would give yourselves a chance to be engaged for a while, then plan it for the summer or fall??
I can totally relate to this after just getting back from our international wedding and now planning our spring stateside event. Planning can easily seem like this nebulous, suffocating thing until you lay it out straight like ESB. Good news is you can DO IT!
ReplyDeleteHowever, you are going to need help, either from your fiance, family, friends, and/or coordinator-type. This should be something you are doing as a couple, however you decide to divide up the process, because you sound like you are pretty pissed off at him right now and that is not how you want to spend the next few months. Good luck!
If you're this overwhelmed, maybe consider getting a wedding planner, if only for the shindig in June. If you don't want or can't afford a planner, then enlist somebody who's superduper organized. I am one of the least organized people on the planet, and I'm telling you, if it weren't for my mother (who is a party planning superhero), I could never plan my own wedding.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing that helps is break it down into manageable bits. Like, "This week I'm going to narrow down my invitations choices and next week I'm going to research how to get a marriage license."
You will run out of time but I think it really comes down to priorities. Focus the majority of your time on the details that really matter to you; don't worry about or linger on the ones that don't.
Thank you ladies. I don't normally swear so much, honestly, I was just kind of mad at my boss for giving me insane deadlines when I felt all maxed-out on deadlines.
ReplyDeleteI have stuck ESB's list on a post-it on my desk. I wrote myself list.
I wrote the future Mr a list.
Feel better
Have "the talk" with the FIANCE (not boyfriend) and start realizing that this is FOREVER, not to be rushed. I think you should wait a year. You don't sound ready, you sound like you need time to get used to the idea that this guy is not your boyfriend anymore. And you have to talk with him, for REAL, and let him know that he is now your partner in all this and you are feeling stressed. If he doesn't get it and offer to help...are you sure you want to rush into it?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have had 18 months to plan my wedding and it's still a clusterfuck rush. Just do yoga and vent a lot with your best friends/parents/significant, allthewhile keeping that vision of you two standing together, holding hands at the alter as the goal in your mind and heart.
You've gotta keep the focus on the love. Otherwise all the choices you make will just be shit.
Best of luck. To you and you FIANCE.
Firstly - are we really going to start forcing people to use the word fiance? Seriously?
DeleteSecondly - the wedding is not forever, the wedding is ONE DAY (two tops if Liv plans two celebrations). She's not asking questions about the marriage she's asking questions about the wedding(s) - two very different things.
Weddings are only as stressful as you allow them to be. Make a list - prioritise and then just DO IT!!!
Good luck Liv! Deep breathes and keep writing that list...
Thank you Anon 1:29 for correcting her! He's no longer your boyfriend if he put a ring on it.
ReplyDeleteTell me about it. I've been engaged since June, wedding this July, and only just picked a venue. Oh, and it's a trans-continental wedding as well. I feel your pain. Definitely venue first, then date, (we did it the other way around and it was tense, very lucky to get the venue we wanted after picking the date), the rest will click into place. Be decisive and go with your gut instinct, and things will slow down enough so that they're not rushing by you! You'll do fine =)
ReplyDeleteI would say future husband's visa situation is likely important enough to be on the list, as is nailing down the officient as previous responders mentioned. Other than that, keep it simple and try to enjoy it! Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteMeh, boyfriend/fiancé, whatever. She gets to call him what she likes.
ReplyDeleteWeddings can be planned in a few weeks (ours took 10weeks but could easily have been less). I agree with ESB, make a list of really essential things then do those. If you have spare time for anything else, bonus!
Whaaaat. Look, my grandpa organised Mum and Dad's wedding in NINE DAYS.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason anyone may need a looooooong engagement is if they've been spending too much time on the the internet, reading bridal magazines, books etc which have done them the great disservice of an itemised gazillion-item to do list. (says the woman reading a wedding blog *cough.* esb doesn't count as a wedding blog, right?)
Good luck!
Thank you ladies! It feels pretty good having you guys on my side
ReplyDeleteLiv, I know how you feel, it gets pretty overwhelming. my best friend at the moment is google docs! i've got a list of things that need to be done (also by march) and it can be shared with my fiance who can add things as well. plus i have the list of guests with their contact details, lists of vendors etc and they're all in the one spot which makes me feel a lot less stressed out about everything. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThere is absolutely no denying it, planning a wedding is a BIG job. But it can be done in a relatively short time - we got engaged in August and married in Feb (nearly our 1st anniversary - woohoo!!) The items ESB has listed are definitely the ones to focus on, especially venue, date, people. Beyond that it is just about making a couple of calls on your overall "vision" and priorities, and then sticking to that. Eg is it more important to you to splash out on great food or great clothes or great photographer or heaps of guests. Work that out with your sweetie, and then get stuck in.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, while the two of us made those big decisions on where the budget was going together, and on the venue, I did most of the rest of the planning myself. Purely because those other details mattered more to me than to him. It doesn't mean the wedding isn't important to him, just that he doesn't give a shit about the exact wording on the invites, the colour of the flowers or what the bridesmaids wear. He just wanted to get married. Those things mattered to me, so I spent the time and effort to get things how I wanted. My family and bridal party were out of town so I did most of it myself. It can be done. And once you have decided which bits are important to you it will fall into place. Treat it as an adventure, and enjoy it, because it is a special time and will be over before you know it.