Dear ESB,
I am planning on paying for bridesmaids dresses for all the girls, but I would really like if they wore mismatched dresses. However, I have a few friends that would panic and pester me if I made them make the decision, while some other girls would come up with something fabulous.
How do I present this idea to them? Do I offer to select the dress if they don’t want to? And how do I go about paying for the dresses when they are shopping for theirs. My best idea is to purchase some great dresses that I like and have the girls pick out which ones they want to wear and make a little party of it.
I have never been in or heard of a situation where the bride pays for the dresses the girls choose, so I would love to hear your thoughts!
*****
Take everyone shopping. Make a party of that.
There is no way in hell you can just go out and buy an assortment of "great dresses" that will fit/please all your ladies. UNLESS THEY ARE MODELS? I am so confused.
But kudos to you for being rad!
Photo: Michelle Williams by Alexei Hay for Elle UK, December 2011
THAT dress is for me.
ReplyDeleteI was a little confused by dress-trying-on-party idea. Are they all the exact same size?
ReplyDeleteThe shopping party idea would probably work, though for your own sanity you should set some kind of price limit. Or, if you don't trust everyone to show up looking great, go with your gut and select a few different styles (just pick them out, don't buy them), send the girls the links and have them pick their favorites. You might have a few who pick the same thing, but at least you won't have to hurt anyone's feelings by telling them the dress they picked is awful.
I also had my ladies in mismatched dresses but they live all over the country so a dress party was out. Instead I just sent them some guidelines (color, length, fabric, etc.) and found some photos that captured my vision. I think it turned out pretty well.
ReplyDeleteAnd since you're paying I would definitely give them a budget and then reimburse them?
I really wanted mismatched bridesmaids dresses too, but my MOH found one she liked and my other two ladies just followed suit - all the way down to the matching shoes and jewelry (they called me bridezilla when I tried to stop them from matching, so I gave up)
ReplyDeleteMaybe show them a wedding blog with photos of mismatched ladies so they know exactly what you're going for?
I also bought my 2 ladies their dresses, but they were super-affordable and I already felt pretty indebted to them for flying across the country to be in our wedding. Oddly enough they wanted to match when I wasn't that excited about the idea. In fact, the entire bridal party ended up matching and that was never our intention. Weird.
ReplyDeleteDress party FTW. Don't worry so much about bridesmaid dresses though, it's not a big deal. I wasn't even there to pick the ones my girls wore. My mom and sister were at a sample sale and told me what colors they had and I picked one over the phone.
ReplyDeleteIf they live all over, you could start a pinterest board and fill it with dresses you like from internet stores. Then they can either pick one, or use the board as inspiration. Pinterest is a godsend for these kinds of decisions!
ReplyDeleteMaybe choose a designer and tell your girls that they can pick what they like best? Whitney Deal has some amazing and reasonable priced dresses. They could def wear them again and they come in a bunch of styles and fabrics that would be "different" but would work together?
ReplyDeletewhitneydeal.com
Frances wins. pinterest prequel party! (and also shopping party)
ReplyDeleteI had the same experience as nikki. I wanted mall my bridesmaids to be in mixed cocktail dresses....but they did not want any part in decision making. they wanted to be told what to wear and the second one girl found a dress they all hopped on board....then i wanted them in different shoes, but the second one of them found a pair everyone bought the same ones.....ultimately if matching is easier then do that...the whole idea is to not go crazy over it
ReplyDeleteMy pretty ladies demanded guidelines so I said "a black dress you feel good in." Since half are out of state we chat on the phone and browse dresses online. If you can go shopping together, I say do it.
ReplyDeleteDress shopping party sounds like so much fun!
ReplyDeleteIf y'all live close to each other, definitely go shopping together. If not, then I like the pinterest board idea. Or maybe do a pinterest board no matter what, so they have an idea of what to look for when shopping. And yes, be prepared for them wanting to be told what to do (and maybe even wanting to match). For some, that's just easier. As far as the money exchange goes, I'd set an upper limit and then just reimburse them via cash or check. Or just give them a certain amount to spend; if they buy a dress that's cheaper than that amount, they can put it toward shoes/accessories/travel.
ReplyDeleteThe woman I knew with the best taste ever, getting married in 1982 she was, asked her 8 bridesmaids from all over the world to all wear tea-length cream-colored dresses. So we did. Everyone chose their own, no coordinating involved. Mine was satin, dropped waist, with a little calla lily figure pattern in the satin. Not only did I wear it again, I wore it to my rehearsal dinner two years later:). If I recall, we all looked divine, en masse and separately.
ReplyDeletePinterest board no matter where you all live. And YES to what Jess said: give them a budget, let them shop, reimburse them. They can even go over budget if they're willing to pay the little bit extra (worth it for a dress they'll wear again).
ReplyDeleteI had my two girls wear whateves the hell they wanted, ditto for the fellahs--and everyone showed up to the wedding looking rad-ass in their different colored outfits.
ReplyDeleteBut, I mean hell, I didn't even SEE my wedding dress till the Wednesday before our wedding.
Ah, this is what I did. Mismatched dresses and I paid (I'm in the UK, where the bride always pays). I did do a pinterest board as several people suggested, which worked well so everyone knew the colours/styles I had in mind.
ReplyDeleteI ended up doing a different thing with each girl. For one, we had a shopping party and we found hers that day, but nothing for anyone else.
For another, I found her dress online, asked if she liked it and had it sent to her house so she could try it on.
The third bridesmaid was the hardest - she has a really tricky figure to fit #boobsweek, and she eventually found her dress on her own. I went with her to approve it and we bought it then and there.
As far as paying for the dresses, either pay for them yourself (shopping party, online) or reimburse them. Make sure everyone knows what your budget is. I went quite a bit over with the tricky to fit bridesmaid, but it was ok as the the other two came in under budget.
Am I crazy or is that totally NOT Michelle Williams? Or did she lose a ton of weight? or is she 12? WHATS GOING ON?
ReplyDeleteRedacted, so it completely is. so fine then DAMN, Michelle. Where'd your cheeks go? circa this: http://ow.ly/8qtPB
ReplyDeleteHave each girl put two dresses on hold in their size and then you can go by the stores and choose which one you think is most appropriate and buy them. Not so hard. And if you don't think you have the time to do that then why not have your PA do it. (by which I mean if you don't think you have time get over yourself.)
ReplyDeleteMy BFF just got married and bought "convertible" dresses that you can wear multiple ways for us; so each BM rocked her own style (strapless/halter/over the shoulder) while remaining "coordinated." You could even buy these dresses in different colours that work with your wedding colours.
ReplyDeleteSO I know this is WAY late... but one of our groomspeoples was living in another state and was selecting her own dress but we were paying. When she was ready she just gave me a call in the shop and I handed over my credit card number to the sales assistant on the spot. Easy as. :D
ReplyDelete