Dear ESB,
My partner and I have been wedding planning for a few months now, starting with searching for a venue.
Our initial sentiment was that we wanted somewhere really unique and wanted to take advantage of the natural beauty of the area (we're in the UK). The last thing we wanted was a cookie cutter wedding that mimicked lots of weddings we'd been to, we hoped for something more individual, something with character. After looking at half a dozen places, when we weighed up the options the choice that made the most sense (considering budget, logistics, etc) was a hotel on the beach. A close runner up is a fort on a cliff.
Our initial sentiment was that we wanted somewhere really unique and wanted to take advantage of the natural beauty of the area (we're in the UK). The last thing we wanted was a cookie cutter wedding that mimicked lots of weddings we'd been to, we hoped for something more individual, something with character. After looking at half a dozen places, when we weighed up the options the choice that made the most sense (considering budget, logistics, etc) was a hotel on the beach. A close runner up is a fort on a cliff.
We are really excited to be getting married and know that it'll be a great day no matter where we say our vows, but we also want it to be lovely and special. So we are left with a slight hesitation because we fear the hotel is too traditional an option and we had hoped for something a bit different (him especially). The fort is much more unique, but has a lot of drawbacks.
I guess what I'm asking is, how much does the venue matter? Have you or any of your readers been to hotel weddings that were still unique and different? This is the one time we are going to do this, is a hotel special enough?
*****
Are you more concerned with a) getting your wedding published all over the blogosphere, or b) throwing a great party for your guests?
If B, the venue matters NOT ONE IOTA.
Photo by Mick de Lint for Fashion Gone Rogue via Jessica Goldfond
Photo by Mick de Lint for Fashion Gone Rogue via Jessica Goldfond
This question is full of mystery.
ReplyDeleteWhat are the drawbacks to the fort on the cliff? Is it too near the edge and you fear people plummeting to their death? Too small? Gross inside?
A hotel by the sea sounds lovely, but if you dig the fort go for it.
Though, as someone who spent a long time living in the UK, I would honestly go with whatever will be weather-proof. Nobody likes a soggy wedding.
THANK YOU ESB for the last note - I just finished an evening long argument with my c*nt of a future-sister-in-law about how nothing should really matter other than the two of them being married, unless she wants to go ahead with her goal of it being featured on a blog (basically the reason she's getting married anyways - poor schmuck of a husband...). Ugh! More people need to think about that last a/b question and make decisions from there.
ReplyDeleteTo second ESB, the venue does not matter. Make sure you stay true to who you are as a couple. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLogistics rule!! I was all over the place wanting something that spoke to us in some magical way, wanting to stay away from uber traditional, but it turns out!!! People get married at the same places for a REASON! Those places include all of the comforts needed for a large gathering, they make sense. You're not trying to reinvent the wheel getting married - you're doing something that's done by many and has been for a long time. It's a tradition, itself, getting married, so no need to shy away from it. I get the aversion - every decision I make seems so 'bridey' and therefore wrong, but then I remember that for just a short time, I am a bride. It's ok. It's wonderful.
ReplyDeletego with your gut! and while i'm with esb's sentiment of who gives a crap about the blogosphere, i think the venue does matter in terms of the kind of party you can throw. you might not give a crap about photoshoot-esque weddings, but i'm sure you still want the day to look and feel awesome for you and your guests.
ReplyDeleteregarding the venue, if it's too expensive you lose your budget elsewhere & maybe you'll miss out on some details that were important to you.
if it's inconvenient for guests i.e. your grandma can't hike to the camp or trudge through the sand, thats no bueno also.
and if your venue looks fantastic & unique you can embrace it as-is & don't have to break your bank on decorating it like you would a plain blank-slate room.
your venue is really the basis for the rest of your decisions, to be honest.
might i add- as someone who could give a crap less about photos, had no photographer, didn't pose for jack shit, and has yet to print out a hard copy of a pic that family & friends snapped- didn't mean i didn't care how the day looked. i cared for the experience at that moment, not for the pics later.
Deletei ran into a friend recently who told me that she threw the wedding for the photos, and would have eloped if not for trying to get on style me pretty. i wanted to vomit.
I can't believe there are actually people like that!!!
DeleteI think the venue matters a lot -- it will completely set the tone for your wedding. This is true whether or not you care about photos/blogs.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important that you settle on a venue that is meaningful to both of you. For me, this was my parents' yard. As a child I never thought about my future wedding except for a few times when I was standing in that yard under an archway of grape vines. I know that by having this venue that means something to me and my family I will be making my guests less comfortable (it may be raining. or freezing. or sweltering hot. and they will definitely be using a port-a-potty.) and it is also more expensive than some traditional venues (renting a tent, tables, chairs, etc really adds up). But I also know that when people look back on my wedding (in memory, not photos) they will remember the location and that it meant something to me. And while my location is logistically more challenging than some other options and requires a lot more work to get it how I want it to look, it is logistically better in ways that are important to me. Food is very important to me and I get to work with any caterer I want. For the alcohol I get to use my dad's homemade wine. So yeah, logistics are important but some should be more important than others.
In summary, if the only difference between the two venues is that one is prettier than the other than esb's point is very valid. But if one is really more meaningful than the other, then maybe logistics shouldn't rule. Also pay attention to which logistics are important to you.
Anyone who thinks the venue is what completely sets the tone of a wedding is in it for the photos and the blogosphere. Everything leading up to the wedding- invitations, save the dates if you do them, TALKING to your anticipated guests about wedding planning and the fact that your friends and family know what kind of people you and your fiance are- THOSE things set the tone for the wedding. Trust me- people show up to your day ready to party regardless. Whether it's in an outdoor garden, a hotel lobby, or on a wooden bridge in the forest, they know what to expect. It's a wedding, for chrissakes. Entrance, vows, kiss, party.
DeleteThe venue is just to gather everyone in one place to do the dang thing. And take a pretty picture if so inclined. And then party your faces off to celebrate.
I disagree completely! The venue totally matters - but not in a "I want to blow the socks off of people way", it matters in a "I want people to have a ball" way.
ReplyDeleteIf the fort is going to get people in the mood to party more so than the place on the beach - then go with the fort! What you want is a location that you can see your guests really celebrating in. It is true that you can have a party anywhere but speaking from experience, the venue of my wedding TOTALLY set the stage for the party that ensued and I wouldn't have changed it for the world! Even though there were some definite drawbacks and it made for a lot more work in the end.
I went to a beautiful hotel wedding on the peninsula in Washington state last summer and it was absolutely gorgeous. I don't think hotel wedding necessarily precludes you from having an interesting, fun event, and there is a LOT to be said for the built-in services and amenities you get with a hotel package. I also had friends who had a wedding in a "blank slate" total DIY type space who had to rent or buy all the tables, tablecloths, chairs, plates, glasses, forks/spoons/knives, beg friends to bartend and serve food, and it caused a lot of stress. I was REALLY glad my venue came with staff.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying venue matters, but if you want to save money on decorations you're better off picking a venue that already has character and doesn't need much added flowers/lighting/etc to set the mood.
ReplyDeleteI photographed a wedding in a sea side hotel in the UK last year, and I think it was one of my most gorgeous weddings of the year and all of the guests had a great time. Seaside hotels in the UK are wonderful, and they also have the added advantage of being close to the sea. People have a good time as long as there is food, booze, & music they can dance too. Also they want a nice ceremony so they can witness you getting married. The rest is superfluous. It can be fun yes, but I don't think it matters that much to people's enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100%! A UK seaside wedding sounds amazing! Food, music, alcohol and your guests are happy.
DeleteI'm tempted to say that a "fort wedding" screams "trying to get on a blog." Just a thought.
I don't think the look of the venue matters as much as the amenities, location, etc. I chose a restaurant/banquet hall in my hometown because they do weddings all the time and that made it fairly stress-free. The decor was not my first choice but everything else outweighed that.
ReplyDeleteI agree that if you are just wanting to throw a great party, the uniqueness of the venue is just not important.
I don't know, does the venue matter? Each bride is different. As far as tradition is concerned, it will be a wedding no matter what. I had the least traditional wedding that I've ever been to -no bridesmaids, cake, veil, bouquet, party favors - but it was still pretty traditional because it was a wedding.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with esb. It seems that we are all under so much pressure to have a blog-worthy wedding (see wedding on the top of a mountain--who needs grandma there anyway?) that we are willing to sacrifice everything for it.
ReplyDeleteWe almost spent what our entire wedding is going to end up costing on a piece of land in a canyon with a port-a-potty and NOTHING ELSE. What is the point of having a kick ass party for your guests if you're totally stressed with the logistics? There is a lot to be said for a venue that has a rain option and a few tables. Your guests will have a blast if love in in the air and you don't let them go hungry or thirsty.
A hotel on the beach in the UK sounds pretty rad to this Angeleno!
It really depends on what kind of wedding you want to have and how much work you, your partner, and your family and friends are able to put into it. My husband and I used a nontraditional wedding venue (state park). It was the most affordable option and the perfect setting for the kind of party we wanted to have (relaxed weekend with outdoors activities, big bonfire and a building where we could basically do whatever we wanted as late as we wanted). It was the best weekend of my life, everyone had an incredible time AND it was a huge amount of work.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I'm kind of torn here. On one hand, I think the comfort of your guests should be put over the look-and-feel of the party (like, there should be accessible bathrooms. People will care about that more than how stylish the place is). But, the venue does a lot to influence the energy of the entire wedding. If it's totally un-inspirational and doesn't speak to you as a couple at all, then it's not the right spot for you. I know this might not be helpful, but it sounds as if you need to keep looking for a place that is both comfortable for guests and also fits your personal style/life esthetic. Or just decorate that hotel in a way that guests will go, "oh yeah, that's so them."
ReplyDeleteI do think the venue matters. It doesn't matter if it's just about being unique - your party will be defined by much more than the venue. But those very factors (quality of and access to food and drink, room to dance or do other fun activities, proximity to where guests live or will stay, etc) are often influenced by the venue.
ReplyDeleteHotel weddings are notorious for being lame b/c brides and grooms let the hotel do everything and don't control factors that would make the wedding more fun or more "them". Just make sure that you can work with the hotel to get everything you want out of your wedding.
All that said, I also think the venue is even more important if it's where you are actually getting married but in the UK you have to get married in a church, yes? Personally, I really really needed to get married outdoors.
You don't have to get married in a church in the UK but it does have to be indoors and the venue has to be liscenced for weddings. Would be AMAZING if we were able to get married outdoors... Apart from the weather...
DeleteYou can actually get married outdoors in Scotland (which is ironic, considering we're not exactly known for our climate).
DeleteAhh! I wondered about Scotland - humanist ceremonies are recognised there too, right-on!
DeleteMeh. I'll tell you how much venues matter:
ReplyDeleteFriends of mine recently got married. My husband was the best man, I was making the wedding cake, and we were pretty involved in various aspects of the day. The whole thing had been planned for month to take place a close friend's property in a beautiful valley. All the logistics were planned around this venue, and the venue was very much tied into the vision of the day.
A week, just one, before the wedding they got word that the venue was suddenly unavailable to them due to a death in the family. This was awful sad news, but also meant panic stations for my friends as to where they would get married. They managed to secure another venue and, after a hectic and stressful week, re-gig everything that had been so minutely planned for the first venue to suit the second.
On their wedding day, if you had not known that they'd originally planned it for elsewhere, you could not have guessed. The wedding was beautiful, the party was awesome, and the venue was just a space to contain it.
In short: Venues matter SFA. People are where it's at.
My fiance and I were really not into having our wedding in a hotel. So, we decided to have it on a farm. The farm is beautiful, and if it doesn't rain, it could be an awesome party. But, as someone stated above, I now know why people have weddings in hotels. Hotels have things like: staff, salt and pepper shakers, a roof, enough electricity to plug in everything that needs to be plugged in.
ReplyDeleteAt this point, I can't remember if any of the various staff people we've hired will be responsible for taking out the trash. I am paranoid that when both the DJ and the BBQ truck plug in we are going to blow a breaker. And I am pretty sure on our wedding day I'm going to realize that I've forgot to coordinate something totally obvious. As the above post makes clear, if things go wrong, you're still going to get married, which is the point. But, at least for me, even knowing this does not mean that I'm not worried about things going wrong for months prior to the big day.
You didn't mention what the drawbacks of the fort are, but I'm assuming you will have to take on much more of the figuring out how to make shit work responsibility at the fort. For some people, this can be fun. For me, it's become overwhelming. I just think if choosing the fort is going to mean more work on your part, you should consider how much time you have and whether or not you want to/are able to take on more planning/coordinating.
I'm soo with you! I get get my head around whose gonna take out the trash at our venue at the end of the night (friends will be drunk and likely forget & our moms deserve a break--they are doing enough). I hope that while we are having our wedding night sex I'm not like "omg I hope someone took out the trash so we can get our deposit back.") Ya know??!
Delete"can't" get my head around. Oops.
Deleteand "who's." sorry, my grammar is awful this afternoon.
DeleteYou gotta delegate that shit. Seriously. You probably have at least one friend who is a responsible type. Ask them to be your right hand details person. Share your planning with them and ask them to be the point person for logistics during the big day. That way, you're not holding all the information in your brain alone and you won't be the only person who can answer questions. When I did this for my wedding, it reduced my stress level by half.
Deletesorry to take over this post with a rant about my own wedding woahs...but seriously, i do need a logistics person!
DeleteI think that the venue matters, but it should not matter at the cost of everything else. We got married at a popular venue, but it's popular for a reason. It's very pretty, with hardwood floors, limestone walls, wrought iron chandeliers, and stained glass windows. But it also has air conditioning (we got married in Texas in July), easily accessible bathrooms, a built-in bar, and a caterer's kitchen. I would guess that the drawbacks you mention have to do with the fact that the fort's missing lots of the things that you need for a big party. If that's the case, I'd go with the hotel.
ReplyDeleteWe nearly booked a sea-side hotel for our wedding but the ceremony room was completely soul-less and had no windows. Aside from that I loved the idea of being so near the beach. I don't know if Suffolk is where you're looking at all but we ended up with the shepherds cottage here: www.wantisden.co.uk and it was brilliant, definitely the best of both worlds - it's a wedding venue so they can organise all the logistics for you but is really charming and beautiful. Having such a pretty venue meant we did almost nothing to it.
ReplyDeletewe are getting married at this place;
ReplyDeletewww.tunnelsbeaches.co.uk
I soooooo get your dilemma. We wanted somewhere that would make for an amazing party but also not require too much putting together of all of the big stuff like caterers and portaloos. (We are essentially both people who cant be arsed with pressure) The moment we went to look at Tunnels and I could imagine all the people we love being in that place for us, having a brilliant time, I can honestly say that it was one of the happiest feelings I've ever had.
The venue matters if it matters to you.