Monday, December 12, 2011

who's up for a SHOPPING CHALLENGE?


Dear ESB,

I don't like most wedding dresses. No bling, no cupcakey skirts, no heavy polyester satin for me. I've done quite a bit of shopping and trying-on and what I've mostly liked are simpler bridesmaid's dresses, many of which don't come in ivory because they're less expensive and the manufacturers want to funnel you into a more expensive dress with the bridal palette. Or they're less expensive and do come in ivory but are some hot heavy synthetic material that will try to kill me in the North Carolina late June weather. (It's not that I hate polyester, but a polyester fitted dress in late June in NC seems like a terrible idea). I'm nearing the end of the window for ordering a "traditional" wedding dress at all... but I thought you might be able to help.

I've been with my man for 10 years and we're finally tying the knot in an non-traditional ceremony officiated by our oldest friend followed by a big party at my parents' farm in NC. It will be outdoors with a tented BBQ dinner and live bluegrass music in the barn. There are many things about us and our wedding that are not typical, and the "dress" has already been changed to "outfit" in my references. I've promised everyone that I won't be naked, but I've also realized that I do want to stay in the bridal palette, sort of. 

Here's what I know: I'm 5'9" and a size 16-18 on top, 12-14 on bottom. In order to look balanced and maximize my curves I need structure for my girls (and would like straps but can add them later if I need them) and something with some shape and/or length to flow off my hips. I can't do an empire waist; it makes me look preggers. No puffy cupcake skirt or rhinestone bling for me. A structured asymmetrical fabric fold/flower is something I've liked on a one-shoulder dress, but otherwise I'm not into most ruffles either. I like it simple and classy, even if that is a bit old school. I looked at some vintage stuff, but my size is pretty awkward for most of that stuff. But then I thought about separates...

What about an ivory or silver skirt in a light taffeta or silk? What about a simple and sexy bustier or corset top or structured dressy tank in ivory or silver? I could get behind paying $800-ish total for an interesting vaguely-bridal wedding outfit that won't make me sweat to death and which I could wear again as separates. I live in PA about 3 hours from DC or Philly or the NYC, so I can get to some good shopping on a weekend road trip, but I need to be strategic about it. And the internets are too big for me to conquer alone.

Any help from you and your readers would be awesome and much appreciated.

Thanks,
Frustrated-in-central-PA

*****

Apparently big girls ONLY WEAR SYNTHETIC FABRICS?

What is going on. I need help.

Photo: Crystal Renn by Luis Sanchis for Harper's Bazaar
Posted by esb at 1:35 PM

32 comments:

  1. A Bicycle Built For TwoDecember 12, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    i had the exact same problem. I ended up having a dress made (all silk) for just under $800. unfortunately my dressmaker is no longer in biz. so yeah, that's a big help.

    but i do know that http://mignonettebridal.com/ will make a lovely dress based on design inspiration that you find. And she isn't too expensive.

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  2. BeatrixDecember 12, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Have you looked at Saja? They are simple, light, elegant and ethereal without being fussy. www.sajawedding.com. I wore a Saja dress at my wedding and I too dislike most wedding dresses and tried the bridesmaid dress route first, with the same results.

    Here:http://flickr.com/gp/urbandwell/C500JQ

    is a photo of my dress and it was so light and comfortable it felt like a nightgown. The interior is lined with very delicate satin and I only wish my lounge around clothes were this comfortable. Even though the model on the site is rail thin I think the designs would fit a curvy girl beautifully, the 2012 collection has lower waisted (not empire waisted) designs. It's not separates but a great alternative to a traditional wedding dress.

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  3. AnonymousDecember 12, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    Try a trip to The Cotton Bride: http://www.thecottonbride.com/
    They'll bend over backwards to make you feel amazing. One of the best wedding-related decisions I made...
    Keep in mind - the dresses on their website are just suggestions of what they can do. They're willing to work with you to find the right cut/fit/fabric to suit your body (and mostly in natural fabrics, so perfect for summer in the South). Everything is constructed in house to your exact measurements. They also make other "non-bridal" formal wear under their Chris Cole Couture line and they seem very open to combining styles to suit your style and budget.

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  4. MaggieDecember 12, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    Did you look at Thread? All their bridesmaids dresses come in ivory in most of the fabric choices. I wore one of their dresses in the faille for my wedding and it was a nice ivory, not too yellowy. I think they have separates too.

    RE: Saja. Personally as someone who has some curves, I not suggest that line. I like a lot of support/structure too and I found most of the dresses too wispy/wimpy and the fabric was so thin I worried a corset bra or any majorly supportive undergarment would show through. Their 2012 line could be different though.

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  5. A Bicycle Built For TwoDecember 12, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    shit. i forgot to properly link my link. sorry.

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  6. AnonymousDecember 12, 2011 at 2:35 PM

    what about this?

    it looks like it would be comfortable in the heat, and there's def some structure on top. not sure if the bottom is too puffy, though

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  7. SusanDecember 12, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    Why don't you just have something custom made? It sounds like what you want is pretty simple from a patterning/constructing standpoint. Proper undergarments are key.

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  8. nicoleDecember 12, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    I love the Ivy & Aster dress Anon 2:35 suggested!

    This dress might be another option. Good luck! xo.

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  9. nikkiDecember 12, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    I want to suggest so many things from Elizabeth Dye

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  10. BRDecember 12, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    I know the general esb rule is NO JCREW!

    But perhaps this is the time to have a look there (I mean no polyester, under a grand, simple AND structured is a big ask).

    This one is sturdy silk and goes up to size 16. And This is silk chiffon in graphite up to size 20.

    In the meantime can someone explain to me (not american) what's so bad about JCrew? Genuinely interested.

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  11. leahDecember 12, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    jenny yoo makes pretty simple dresses that are natural fiber and can be structured up top (i think possible to add straps too) sorry, totally don't know how to make the fancy link thing.

    http://www.jennyyoo.com/wedding_alternatives15.html

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  12. AnonymousDecember 12, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    1. I want to give you a big empathetic hug.

    2. WHY?! does every plus size clothing designer/ manufacturer think that empire waists or trapeze dresses are the only cut bigger girls can wear. They just make people look bigger. I am your size and I look best in well-made, structured sheaths—which are nearly impossible to find in plus sizes.

    3. I am sure there is something suitable on the interwebs, but I think a 1940s silhouette (dress or separates), beautiful fabrics, and a dress maker will probably be the least annoying option.

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  13. AnonymousDecember 12, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    Damn it, damn it. This is sold out, but I think it would be beautiful with an ivory pencil skirt. Gianfranco Ferre makes some amazing seperates.

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  14. AbbieMDecember 12, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    I wore this in late summer in SC in 100% humidity...though it is synthetic, it definitely breathed. NO strap yanking and I felt supported, covered, Grecian/regal. Gave me a waist where I don't have much of one. And best of all, NO BLING and no bridal salon BS.

    I know it looks really shiny and shitty in the website pic, but for $170, it might be worth giving a try.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/adrianna-papell-one-shoulder-twist-charmeuse-gown/3093955?origin=PredictiveSearch&resultback=4140

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  15. AliBDecember 12, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    Saja only goes up to size 14 but it was the very first thing I thought too.

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  16. AnonymousDecember 12, 2011 at 5:36 PM

    Aria has simple, inexpensive dresses in a variety of materials (see non-poofy skirt dresses at bottom of page).

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  17. StefDecember 12, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Follow up to anon 5:36 - I would absolutely advise anyone against Aria. I had to wear an Aria bridesmaid dress and it was the most unflattering, shittily constructed, physically painful dress ever. All four bridesmaids were miserable and uncomfortable to the point of tears. Stay far away.

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  18. DDecember 12, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    ditto the "i know theres a no j.crew rule" BUTTTTT... this ballroom skirt is on super sale, plus an extra 25% off today. comes in a size 12, which in j.crew bottom-speak means a 14, maybe even 16. and it comes in aluminum and dusty rose. you'd still have a ton of money left over to buy a fancy corset, or even go with a fancy beaded tank toppy thing in a light fabric.
    http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Navigation/Sale/AllProducts/PRDOVR~30090/99102104168/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20~~~20+17+4294967041~15~~~~~~~/30090.jsp

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  19. CaraDecember 12, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    I have been stalking Porshe's Place on etsy for a couple years now, but I've no special occasion yet to justify getting a custom dress from her -- I'm a proper size 12, and find this silohouette most flattering, though maybe you're wanting long; but this looks like a pretty awesome casual version (this blue jersey/cotton looks awesome, but maybe white wouldn't work so well?). I also love this, but can't quite imagine this is ideal in June in NC. And I like sparkles a little much.

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  20. CaraDecember 12, 2011 at 8:29 PM

    Doh, I forgot to include vintage-styled, non-cupcake-y versions, in case those are cupcake-ish. Not that these are very bridal-y colors, plum and black, but again, love these shapes. Or, scrapping the vintage route, and sorry, totally polyester -- this satin number probably wouldn't work, but man, I love this print. Bridal? not so much but HOW FUN.

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  21. ToniaDecember 12, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    This dress comes in a size 12 and is 100% silk.

    This one is 100% cotton and also in a size 12.

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  22. AnonymousDecember 12, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    I don't have the bigger on top problem, but I totally get this otherwise. Maybe Adele Wechsler?

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  23. ToniaDecember 12, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    I looove this one as well- which comes in a 16.

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  24. alloalloDecember 13, 2011 at 4:32 AM

    Sorry but those Ivy & Aster ones are pretty but the 16 is teeny tiny (33" waist = 16?). As a size 14-16-18 myself I feel you, and also got a dress made that was the most flattering shape (60s sheath, straps for bravissimo etc). I went to the Saja store in NY and the dresses barely fit on my pinky finger. Worst.

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  25. AnnaDecember 13, 2011 at 6:22 AM

    I think this Malene Birger dress is beautiful and would make an amazing wedding gown. Cream, Black & GOLDEN, 100% Silk. There is one left in XL (42) for $995.

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  26. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    I wore a silk chiffon Amsale bridesmaid dress in Champagne as my wedding dress. I believe they have a wide range of sizes and they certainly have a lot of options. I loved my dress and it was less than $300.

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  27. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    I'm not sure if this is too much for you, but it comes in your size, and it comes in ivory and "antique" which I thought might be pretty for a barn wedding.

    Tadashi Shoiji

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  28. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 7:20 AM

    P.S. about that Tadashi dress: it runs a size larger than normal (per the website and comments), and it is very long... which might be good?

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  29. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    oh man, its my dream to get married in that Malene Birger dress

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  30. Hillary SchusterDecember 13, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    alloallo - great dress! I read your graduate post to my husband the other day in the car.

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  31. Hillary SchusterDecember 13, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    Oh, and: I tried on that Tadashi Shoiji dress. I think it's GORGEOUS but I seemed to be in the minority (hub, bf and mom didn't like it). It made my hips look hella-wide and it was likened to Ursula (Little Mermaid) and seaurchins by one of my crew. It might have looked better if the "urchin" part started higher (I'm 5'9" also but more a size 8).

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  32. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    Am I wrong that this might fit what you're looking for?

    http://www.allurebridals.com/Store_ProductDetail.aspx?pid=8c50g626493965De13c9

    I think it would be amazing with some 'girls' to fill it out, and the back is GORGEOUS. It's also very light (it's my dress, if you couldn't tell)...

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