While visiting my family over Thanksgiving I went dress shopping with my aunt and Mom and bought a sample dress. There was crying, it was awesome and I really love the dress.
On the flight home I was perusing a free bridal mag I got at the dress shop and the FW [Future Wife] pointed to a dress that is VERY similar to mine in fabric, cut, etc and said "Does your dress look like that?" Attempting to keep the mystery alive I replied "Nope, not at all." I immediately regretted my emphatic response when she replied "Thank fucking God, that dress is horrible and that girl looks like a fish."
Yeah, that happened. My poker face sucks, and she knew immediately what was going on. She has spent the past few days attempting to convince me that I will look amazing and she will love it. Even though I love the dress and it is very flattering (which I struggle finding) I am having a hard time coming to grips with the idea of wearing a dress that is the twin of something my fiance had an instant negative reaction to.
The dress was $750 which was my entire budget. My options are to try to sell the dress for less than what I paid and use the money to buy a simple dress (something like this with this from RTR) or turn my frown upside down and get over it.
On a scale from 1 to overreacting, am I overreacting? If the verdict is new dress, where is the best place to sell a dress?
*****
Can you try it on for her?
I want YOU to love the dress and I want HER to love the dress and I don't want you to spend another minute dreading her reaction.
Collage by The Dream Coil from "Douleur d'amour" by William Adolphe Bouguereau (thx thx thx to BL for id'ing it for me)
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SHITBAGS. I rly wanted to post a mean one this morning to prove that I am still mean. Ohwell.
wear the dress you love!
ReplyDelete(looking at a 'similar' dress on a random model in a magazine is not going to give the impression of how stunning YOU will look in it! and she knows that, and hell - you could walk down the aisle in a paper bag and she will love you and be so excited to be marrying you!!)
good luck x
I completely understand your feelings of apprehension (which is why I just avoided this conversation all together with my fiance), but I honestly think you're overreacting. When she finally sees you in the dress, whether it's walking down the aisle or during a first look, that moment is so charged with emotion and excitement, that you could be wearing a paper bag and a veil and she's probably going to think you look gorgeous. And if YOU feel beautiful in it, you will look that much more radiant.
ReplyDeleteBesides, bridal models are almost always weird looking. Just don't do any "broken-down doll thing" poses, and you'll be golden.
~Stop Me if You've Heard This One
The same thing happened to me! I showed the then future Hubs a photo (my compromise so I didn't actually model it for him, and it was the crappy photo from the store where I was all freaked out because holy shit I was buying my wedding dress) and he liked it. But really and that helped, but it helped me get over it. He could have whatever opinions he wanted, he thinks I look hot. Period. It doesn't matter what I wear. I thought I looked pretty, and he saw his wife in a dress and I'll tell you if I'd let him pick the thing out himself he wouldn't have noticed. I knew the dress was flattering and I really liked it. In the end he thought I looked amazing. Whatever.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, dresses in magazines look soooooo different on real people. You will rock it and she will love it.
@stopmeifyoudon'tneedtwolinkstomyblog hey, lady. we get it. see the orange links? those are links.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely try it on for her. The mystery of whether she will hate it is not a fun sort of mystery. She might love it once it's on you.
ReplyDeleteIf you do decide to sell it, I sold mine at preownedweddingdresses.com and was pretty happy with their site. It did take a little while because people are flaky and slow to decide; think Craigslist for wedding dresses.
Agreed with the whole "paper bag" thing. If you feel beautiful, that is better than any other dress option. Yes, it is easy to get caught up in considering what everyone else thinks of your dress (esp your FW). People will judge (I am way guilty of it), have their own opinions regardless of how youre feeling about it. If you know its THE ONE, as corny as it is, stick by it.
ReplyDeleteI understand your concerns but if you feel beautiful in it I bet she will think you look beautiful too! Don't forget you will also have the best accessory a model doesn't have, which is your beaming bride glow.
ReplyDeleteIf you do sell, take heart. I bought a vintage dress and decided I didn't like it and sold on the 100 Layer Cake marketplace for the same price I bought it, minus the shipping. The person who purchased it happened to live down the street from me (!) so I didn't even have to mail it! So don't assume you will take a loss if you have to sell. There's a market for these dresses.
My husband had one request when it came to my wedding dress: "Just don't get one of those puffy ones."
ReplyDeleteBut the dress that looked the best on me and made me feel like a bride DID have a rather full skirt. I was a little nervous about what he would think, but went with my gut and got the dress.
He cried like a baby when he saw me. :)
Keep the dress. If you feel beautiful in it, you're going to look beautiful in it!
there are words in this post? I can't stop staring at that painting
ReplyDeleteI am sure she will think it looks stunning on you. Just go with it!
ReplyDeleteWhat does "FW" mean? I usually can figure these things out, but I'm stumped.
ReplyDelete@Anon 1:10 "Future Wife" -- that one actually took me a sec too
ReplyDelete@ esb: Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI agree with ESB. Try it on for her.
ReplyDeleteCan we see the dress?
ReplyDelete1) "@stopmeifyoudon'tneedtwolinkstomyblog" that's been really annoying me lately - thanks esb.
ReplyDelete2) The same thing happened to me. Except it was: "Your dress isn't going to have that stuff all over the shoulder, is it?"... I was crushed. Finally showed him a blurry iphoto pic of the dress and INSISTED he tell me if he didn't like it so I could get something that both of us would love. Best thing I could have done...
I wouldn't worry about it babe. Make it yours, I think once your at peace with the dress you will find it easier. I had to make peace with my dress and I have added my own little touches and now I love it. She is going to think you are the most beautiful thing in the world, even if your wearing a sack.
ReplyDeleteIf all else fails...wear super slutty underwear haha
The simple dress is too simple. Go with what you have.
ReplyDeleteA dress rarely looks the same on two non-model-people (the reason why designers want all models seem to look the same) so I'm sure what you look like in the dress is not a fish, and at the very least not like the model in the picture.
While doing online research for my dress I kept seeing my eventual dress and putting it in No pile. Then I saw it in person and didn't even recognize that it was the same dress. It looked better on my verge-of-plus-sized body than on the skinny shoulder-shrugging model. Loved it immediately and still do. So this is just a first person experience of looks better in person than in the magazine.
ReplyDeleteOriginal painting is "Douleur d'amour" by William Adolphe Bouguereau. My art teacher was obsessed with Bouguereau so I can identify his art from 20 paces. I love the collage version!
ReplyDeleteThank you, BL. It stopped me in my tracks. I'd never seen it and am mesmerized.
ReplyDeleteExact same thing happened with me. And my FW (at the time) was freaking the shit out of me saying things like "I really hope I like your dress because I'm not sure I will be able to hide my honest reaction."
ReplyDeleteI loved my custom, silk dress but ended up getting a second crappy dress with her (not able to try on the original dress because it was being custom made) so she would be happy. In the end I wore the one I wanted and she said it was the perfect dress. And she apologized for causing major dress anxiety.
If you can overcome the anxiety just wear it and be gorgeous and your wife will think you are the most beautiful bride in the world. If you can't overcome the anxiety show her the dress and she will still think you are the most beautiful bride in the world.
Whatever you do, don't buy a second crappy dress.
I agree with the posters who say it doesnt matter. When i married my husband and bought a lace dress he told me after he disliked lace wedding dresses because they looked like tableclothes. It made me so nervous and I was second guessing myself throughout the planning. I ended up wearing it (and a veil, another apparent dislike) and he thought I looked beautiful and shed a few tears. I agree with another poster as well, wear some underthings you know she will love!
ReplyDelete@ Anon 5:37 PM: I recently had the exact same experience. I heart my dress (which is gorgeous lace) and my fiance has since randomly commented (ok not so randomly - we were watching "Say Yes to the Dress" - and don't judge, we all do stupid sh*t sometimes) that he doesn't really like lace. I just took another sip of my wine and said, "hmmm, interesting". We will see what he says when he finally sees me in that beaute.
ReplyDelete