Part One:
Lube is not just for kinky people.
From age 16 to about 32 I thought I was bad at giving hand jobs. Pretty much avoided em altogether. It turns out YOU NEED LUBE FOR THAT. Guys use lube. (Or hand lotion, depending. But the sophisticates know that lube works better.) So why should you have slap around on it with your bare hand?
When he touches your clit during foreplay or inthemiddleoftheact -- or when you touch your own clit -- you know what works soooooooo much better than just licking your fingers? LUBE.
If you guys feel like having a quickie and skipping all that foreplay bullsh*t and your mind is so in it but maybe your body isn't ready yet... As in, there's not much natural lubrication happening? You know what's good for that? YEAH YOU DO.
Part Two:
Organic/Vagina-Friendly ingredients make a difference. There was a time when I thought Astroglide was, like, really super fancy amazing stuff. And the shit is slippery, there's no question about it.
But. I can't use Astroglide or any other glycerin-based lubes anymore. Even a glycerin-free lube that contained parabens sadly made me a little... itchy. And if you won't put that shit on your face, why would you put it up your twat?
Blossom Organics is the only personal lubricant I've found that is a) sufficiently slippery and b) totally gentle. You can read all about their ingredients vs. harsh ingredients + YOUR VAGINA over on the Blossom site.
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Full disclosure: This is not a paid post, but my friend J who works for Blossom Organics has been supplying me with free lube for about a year now. She even sent me an emergency supply that time my 4oz tube was confiscated at airport security. J, YOU RULE!
What asshole would confiscate someone's lube?
ReplyDeletegod I love this post. people who don't follow you on Twitter are going to have NO idea where this came from.
ReplyDeleteI think my serious like of you just blossomed into full blown love. for real.
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT! This just came up the other day... seriously, KY= kill your collective hard-on. Starts out slick but like 30 seconds later becomes ridiculously sticky?? Isn't that the opposite of what it should do?
ReplyDeleteYay! Thank you. Was in the market for some and now I know just where to go. Awesome.
ReplyDeletehas anyone ever tried pjur? seriously the best out there, and good for anyone with allergies.
ReplyDelete@Mrs. Peacock pjur ≠ pure
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU.
ReplyDeleteWe've been using the KY Sensitive lube and it's much better on the parts than the regular stuff. Will definitely check the Blossom lube out now!
ReplyDeleteeverything is better wetter
ReplyDeleteI think I stole that from The Little Mermaid
Damn why didn't I get this for my bachelorette party instead of the melon flavored made in China crap-people, a vagina is not a choose your own toppings ice cream shop!
ReplyDeleteYAY. I didn't know natural lube existed!! Finally an alternative to KY, which is terrible. It gets sticky after like two seconds. Also I love how you disguised "bullsh*t" with the little star but decided we could handle the full spelled out versions of clit and twat. LOL
ReplyDeleteI'll take it one step further, if you wouldn't put it in your MOUTH why would you put it up your twat? Thanks! J ;)
ReplyDeleteTrue story: A couple of months ago, I made a quick run to the store for condoms and lube. At the checkout counter, the (married) guy in line in front of me set down: a pint of Ben & Jerry's, a bottle of Cabernet and a large box of tampons. I set down my lube and condoms. He looked at my items, then his, and I swear his shoulders drooped. There was NO EYE CONTACT.
ReplyDeleteI'm very interested in the Blossom lube now.
You imply that all guys use lube. That is not a true statement.
ReplyDeleteAlso, why does lube come up as an incorrect spelling?
@Rob oh, come on. tell the story about how guys dry masturbate. I, personally, am dying to hear it.
ReplyDeleteha ha ha hahahahah! oh, shit. day officially made.
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked at exitart they we were going to be sponsored by KY for something and in a board meeting I blurted out "KY changed my life" to ...silence.
ReplyDeleteamazing. if you had facebook comments, i would be likin' all this shit down here too.
ReplyDeleteyou're awesome. how weird is it to know that your suggestion will be on DOZENS of twats? i always wonder if sade knows how many people bone to her music? so you can tell me how it feels after people start trickling back kissing your feet for the lube recommendation.
I made a joke about using lotion during masturbation and my husband looked at me like I was insane. "Who does that?" he asked me. So, he's with Rob apparently.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this post is ridiculously helpful. Will be ordering some asap! Thank you!
I've never known of any non-teenage guys that jerk off with lube or lotion. I'm convinced that a good majority of men stick with the ol' spit-in-the-palm trick. Solo or otherwise...
ReplyDeleteI use this.
ReplyDeletep.s. remember when you gave away that awesome Astroglide gift basket on W&M??
this post is SO timely because we just used a new lube last night, and as I was reading this post on my way home from work I was basically itch-squirming out of the bus seat, so everything just clicked.
ReplyDelete...except then I got home and checked the new lube and it's all vegan/everything free/meant for ladies (also, as the sales girl pointed out "it actually looks like jizz and some people really like that"...) and I've never had problems with Astroglide so maybe I'm just sensitive to the wrong things?
sorry, this was a lot of TMI.
Is it water based (i.e. safe for those expensive silicon *parts* my wife and I use)?
ReplyDelete@esb, if you think i'm going to delve any deeper into this on the interwebs you have another thing coming.
ReplyDeleteMy man's a 40-yr old lifelong saliva masturbator.
ReplyDeleteGreat post ESB.
LOVE IT. Thanks.
ReplyDelete@Rob pun intended?
ReplyDelete@Rob is punny.
ReplyDelete@Lauren YES
ReplyDelete@Sarah HAHAHAHA!!
@Sarah also HEHEHA HAHAHAH!!
Amazing.
Two words from me and that's it: coconut oil.
ReplyDelete@SusannaBananna NOT. WITH. CONDOMS.
ReplyDeletecoconut oil, olive oil, NO OIL is safe for use with latex condoms.
@A Bicycle I just got an answer for you: "Totally safe for use with silicone toys and latex friendly."
ReplyDeleteSRSLY. Are we fucking or making a salad, here??
ReplyDelete@SusannaB i am intrigued though. doesn't it stain??
ReplyDeleteSlippery when wet.
ReplyDeleteIt is possible that this is my first time commenting, and it's about lube. Awkward. But there's also
ReplyDeletethis stuff. Every time I pick some up at the lady-friendly sex shop the people behind the counter go on and on about how great it is, which is sorta fun.
@MWK horny goat weed? that one i might have to try ;)
ReplyDeleteThe lowdown on coconut oil: it's solid at room temp, but just a little heat (handling it is enough) turns it liquid. Never had a problem with staining- a little goes a long way. I like it because it doesn't feel greasy or sticky (I'm looking at you, Astroglide). Also, it's great if you're prone to yeast infections, as coconut has anti-fungal properties.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course, never with the rubbers.
Oh right, I guess I should have mentioned the HGW. Usually I try to prepare people for that when recommending it as it sounds so weird and hilarious and hippy dippy. But, I mean, what's NOT sexy about Horny Goat Weed?
ReplyDeleteI heart you, ESB.
ReplyDeletewhy, may I ask, would a grown woman give handjobs? are we 11? women giving them at all perplexes me, clearly the men have it down to a science- why try?
ReplyDeleteand by "11" I mean 16! I wasn't giving handjobs at 11- swear :p
ReplyDeleteI was.
ReplyDeleteYep, my sweaty tween palm gave it a go too.
ReplyDeletePs- I won that astro basket! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI have been itching to find a natural alternative.