If Jack Kerouac emailed ESB....?

Dear ESB,

A wonderful and sage friend was the one that introduced me to your blog (and I can not thank her enough!) Presently, I am writing this email from work (a restaurant where my fiancé is the executive chef). I could say that I run the front of the house but I really am just an over-glorified server. There is a reason I am setting this scene as my latest crisis of conscience has hit a pinnacle after we have just served a Bridal Shower at the restaurant.)

I have been trying to keep as even keeled with my planning (my wedding is 7-7-12...because I have to get married on the one week a year the restaurant closes...because we are like a staff of 6, we would need to make this happen when the restaurant is closed) but I know this might be one of the few times i will be able to break from this black uniform and just be beautiful, dance and eat and just have a party of it. I am an artist (though I often hesitate to use such a term) and I did want to treat the whole wedding ceremony/reception/attire/details as an art installation. (I am trying to stay away from spending money on flowers...but was thinking about how to make a multi-tiered cupcake holder out of plexiglass and tree stumps cut on the bias to make a "cupcake tree"...so I am about making the day special without blowing money on things I that think are a waste- we have budgeted heaviest on food and wine!)

I suppose I have all these wonderful ideas and trying to plan a Miami DIY wedding from NJ probably will start to prove more difficult and I am starting to feel like I will lose more and more sight of keeping it simple...and get caught in this wedding quicksand.

Shit, up to a couple months ago, I would scoff at the thought of buying a bridal magazine (I'm up to ten) and now I am on the other side of the coin and taking back much of my initial ignorance of how easy it is to get sucked in.

But then we have one of these events at the restaurant and I have to take care of a room full of woman who dote on this freaking bridezilla of a girl and I think....man I would just be so grateful to have all these wonderful people around me and not have to carry a zillion plates and run around at these over hormonal woman. (Actually I think I would even have a reverse shower where I would invite all the people I am sure I will start to drive crazy by the end of this process to just have an afternoon where we have amazing eats, have some libations and play some of those obnoxious silly games I have had to sit and watch while taking care of these parties...because for me that is what is about...not stilling though a gazillion presents and oohing and aaahhhing like its the greatest thing since sliced bread. And however lame those games are to some...I am such a geek and love them...especially those that would really result in some quirky amazing things by way of my art friends.)

And the dress...man the one thing I thought I would not have burned out on...the sheer disillusionment.

I would have to agree that I was really hoping that I was going to have a solution through BHLDN....but that was not the case. I have even wavered on the original budget of $2000 that has quickly scaled down as I tried on dresses at that price point and I started to think of all the house things I could buy with that money (we just purchased a home in May and just finished a soup-to-nuts redo of our master bath...so I know what $2000 can buy in materials...) and then I remember the black uniform I wear 6 days a week....and the quicksand creeps in. I am wondering if a dress can be purchased ::gasps:: for the $1000 I was budgeting (with the wiggle room of $1500, but then all the extras pile up just as fast.) Thinking vintage and consignment...so I have not totally lost hope, since some of my greatest party dresses to date have been purchased that route.

As you can see...I have rambled but this has been such a catharsis. I had started this email at work and am finishing it up in the quiet of my home, able to reflect that I have been wanting to write to you for a couple weeks now. Don't know how the response works through this email outlet...but I will hope this email finds you in good spirits to deal with my all over style of writing, certainly how Jack Kerouac might have written this kind of an email (at least I will say that to justify the feel of this whole stream-of-consciousness....does it make me seem less insipid...because in dark moments I feel like I may be there already.)

I know there was no direct question...but perhaps just a need to write to what I have viewed as great source for perspective and humor.

Thanks ~!

*****

(Smiling on the other side of the computer screen.)

This made my whole week.

JK via The Flashdance via A Conversation On Cool.