I'm getting married in September 2012 in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. The ceremony is going to be on the beach. I am having about 100 guests (I think) and am having a lot of trouble figuring out the reception. This is a budget wedding, I want good food, laid back reception. No banquet halls, restaurants are looking expensive...any ideas?
Looking forward to your guidance
*****
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?
what the shit?! hahahaha! this lady is crazy.
ReplyDeletehahaha, apparently she's shit out of luck.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteHere, let me Google "Cape Cod wedding planner" for you.
ReplyDeleteSheeesh.
Tee hee hee. Oh, and by the way, ESB, could you please have a word with my slack priest, call up my caterer and tell her to get a move on with the quote, oh and can you find me some paper cake bags and have them shipped to Australia? Thanks ever so much.
ReplyDeletewow really?? You've answered questions like this before...
ReplyDeleteAnd what's with the peanut gallery here - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME people?? You'll spend hours posting answers to helping people find a fucking bathing suit, but you can't give helpful suggestions for a cheaper way to host a dinner? Follow the leader... assholes.
And for the person writing the letter - I know squat about Cape Cod, but I'm assuming you aren't looking for a formal sit down. I'd suggest just keeping at the beach - I have been to some stellar beach weddings where a BBQer was hired so your food was fresh and hot and you could snack on fresh fruits and veggies.
-that bitch from Germany.
have to agree with anonymous 5:51...the amount of time us fools spend looking for clothes/shoes for this blog is outrageous. someone who reads this is bound to know some shit. you could have just kicked it to the blogosphere without the attitude.
ReplyDelete...or with the attitude and w/o the bitchiness.
ReplyDeletecan't the reception be on the beach, too, with a tent and bonfire or something ?
ReplyDeleteWow. Someone really doesn't want to plan their wedding!
ReplyDeleteGet real, you know that the attitude and bitchiness is why you fucking come here. Otherwise, go bang your head up against the thousands of cookie cutter lame ass wedding blogs out there.
ReplyDeleteGod damnit - how the fuck has this indicated to you that she doesn't want to plan their wedding? It sounds like she asking for suggestions "Catherine". What the fuck did you read that I missed? And is something being lost in translation here - is my English that bad?
ReplyDelete...
NO it's fucking not. She asked for help like every other fucking letter sent into ESB.
This is the only wedding blog I can tolerate and have promised my friend that I would behave but this round of commenting is pretty absurd. I hope to see the same fucking response when the next person writes in because she "has no idea where to get a bathing suit."
Seriously - at the fucking malls - there is one on every corner in the US - figure it out. But NOOOOO when someone writes in asking a simple question she gets blasted by a bunch of people eager to please the moderator.
-the bitch from Germany
all bitchy comments aside, could you be more specific? older crowd/younger crowd? close friends & family/mix of all?
ReplyDeleteif you're having a beach wedding with a somewhat younger crowd of close people and want laid-back, do it at sunset-ish (if the gag factor isn't too high), and have a beach bonfire reception with barbecues (or a clam bake-type situation), s'mores, blankets, and coolers/snazzy buckets of boozy drinks. I'm sure you can rent chairs or picnic tables for pretty cheap.
and srsly, people, I agree with the bitch from Germany. we love the attitude - but yeah, worse questions have been addressed here.
Oh man, I am LOVING the bitch from germany.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to help you, girl, even though I want to! Maybe comment with some more info so we can help...
ReplyDeleteI agree with Germany. I don't see the difference between this letter and all the other ones, and I don't see why we shouldn't all be helpful as usual. I realize we have that tag-line to live up to, but come on.
On the helpful side:
ReplyDeleteGood food could mean a lot of things; do you want something like a whole set of food stands, or beach BBQ wholesome goodies?
Laid back to me means party - I'm picturing a bonfire with 'smores and fairy floss and and fire twirling.
To quote walt jr from breaking bad"why you gotta be such a bitch?" I'm really saddened by all this negativity. The poor girl just needs some help. We are all just trying to make our way through life.
ReplyDeletekind of over the ESB ego that seems to grow with every post & new sponsor.
ReplyDeleteDON'T SEE THE DIFFERENCE?
ReplyDeletei'm all for helping a girl out, but c'mon. what are we talking about here? "i'm having some trouble with the reception." as in. THE WHOLE THING. that's nowhere near similar to, "where can i find this specific item in this specific size and price range." not even close.
that's why i said we need some more info from the writer-inner! with just a few more details, like personal style guidelines ("my fiance and i are english majors" [wine and cheese reception at an old historic library?]), we should all be able to help. no need for major attitude, just ask the lady for more info!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.budgettravel.com/feature/cape-cod-uncrowded,1718/?page=1
ReplyDeleteif you take us even one step further we can help you out.
Though I think @ wool and misc has a point, (and while I don't recant my earlier comment), yes. More info necessary.
ReplyDeleteWhere on the Cape?
Upper Cape: Go to the Library in Dennis and host a rad little reception there. Close to the beach, awesome food, deck.
In/near P-town? Hit up the huge boat (totally blanking on the name) that's anchored at the end of the pier for a cheap (last time I checked) venue, hire Bubula's for catering. Or just grab some wine and a keg of beer for an all-night party. If you have to leave early, go to the Governor Bradford for drag-queen karaoke and late-night pool. Side note: People in P-town rock. You could easily buy a chef a few drinks one night and convince him to cater you for cheap. It'd help them during the shoulder season.
Falmouth/Woods Hole area: Go to the BBC in Falmouth and rent it out. There are also some places on the harbor, but they tend to host lots of parties and can run pretty pricey. But you could see about the Captain Kidd in Woods Hole. Cheap, easy and both are on/near the water. North Falmouth also has the Silver Lounge, which has dining in an old caboose. Cute for the kidlets. The last two have my favorite clam chowder ... a necessary staple for a Cape wedding, IMO.
Bitchy redemption?
The bride will realize soon enough that figuring out where to have the reception is not the hard part of wedding planning. The hard part is figuring out how to tell your mother when you know she's going to hate it, and finding the shoes to match.
ReplyDeleteC'mon, HalfPint, don't go soft on us.
ReplyDeletesorry, bitch from germany but this is soooo not a "simple question". this lady wants esb to plan her damn wedding for her.
ReplyDeletehelping someone finding a rehearsal dinner dress is soooo much easier than planning someone else's wedding. and besides, i would hope that if she meant something more specific like "please help me find my venue", she would have let esb know. we need specifics!
@Wool and misc: Not going soft, but if she does need some help, the cape's a huge bitch and not budget-friendly. I'd hate to have to plan that shit with all those stuck-up asses with their popped collars and K-Swisses staring down their freckled noses at me and not knowing what the hell I was doing. Without going full-on cookie cutter and hitting up every country club in sight, a little help might be in order.
ReplyDeleteThough, in Sandwich, right by the Sagamore Bridge, there's a kick ass little dive bar called the Whale's Tale. I'd fucking PAY someone to get married there. Also? Bad ass white russians. The bartender knows his biz.
ReplyDeleteLove you, HalfPint. Imma Masshole, too. You had me at sandwich.
ReplyDeleteYou could rent a food truck: http://scoutcapecod.blogspot.com/2011/06/plymouth-food-truck-festival.html
ReplyDeleteYou know I wasn't about to bust out an Osterville or fucking Hyannis. It was hard for me to even spit out Falmouth ... but you can't get to Woods Hole without going through there.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI know it's going to be called tacky because weddings are all about two people throwing an awesome party for a million people and feeding them the best food ever, but whatevs...
ReplyDeletePOTLUCK
I mean, really. Why hasn't that become a wedding trend yet? It's cheap, easy, fun, and everyone can participate. Even I enjoy them, and all I ever do is bring a bag of Doritos.
@Fenn. Have you seen some of the 'I can't do this by myself ESB' posts that are LONGER THAN OLD HAIRY BALLZ?
ReplyDeleteAnd, um, sorry to be that bitch ... but you're bringing Doritos to a WEDDING.
Just sayin'.
Anon 8:46,
ReplyDeleteHow the fuck did she ask ESB to plan her wedding?? I'm going to go ahead and assume that English is your first language and you actually read what she wrote? SHE ASKED FOR A MOTHER FUCKING SUGGESTION ON HOW TO PLAN A RECEPTION CHEAPLY. If that is your definition of planning an entire wedding you are a moron. Lots of other people came up with great ideas that hopefully help her out - none took an inordinate amount of time. Simple suggestions for someone who is trying to plan a wedding in (what has been described to me) a slightly more expensive area for the states.
Get a fucking grip. It's a damn wedding blog - there's a difference between being honest and being a cunt. If you can find someone that is willing to write a damn book on what to do in LA if you are a Minnesotan - I'm pretty sure you can send out a request for cheap reception ideas on the cape...
Some of you are starting to sound just as ugly as "country club bride" which I'm sure makes you shake in your Toms.
Stop being ugly bitches and get back to giving interesting advice and sometimes questionable (but always interesting) fashion advice.
-that bitch from Germany
It would be a good idea to check out wedding blogs for suppliers and inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThat bitch from Germany is a hero. What's the difference between this letter and the "help me plan my vacation to LA" letter? This situation might require major research for someone who doesn't know shit about Cape Cod, but there's a whole community of people on here and some of them obv know a little about the area so it's not a big deal. Why post a letter on here just to tear the person down? Like BFG said, quit being an ugly bitch.
ReplyDeleteregardless of the motivation of the letter itself (give me some helpful hints vs plan my wedding for me), for the sake of helpfulness - I second the food van, party on the beach vibe. The weather will still be nice enough in September in Mass, so no problem there. Get some big stereos to blast music, have a bonfire and party it up rock n'roll, VW bus, 50s beach party style.
ReplyDeleteHere, here bitch from Germany. What happened to this blog in the last week? What's up with the BS? First, the weird LA advertisement and know no advise. What goes up can come down. EGO.
ReplyDeleteESB, please tell me that 'the bitch from Germany' is you
ReplyDeleteLOVE the bitch from Germany.
ReplyDeleteI'd second the food truck idea — not sure how expensive it would be, though; it might be one of those cute ideas that's less cute when you hear the price tag.
There's a rad post on APW about how to plan a beach wedding that might be useful: http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/03/how-to-plan-a-beach-wedding/
Or what about a morning beach wedding, with a brunch reception after? I know people are all about getting drunk and dancing their faces off, but brunch could be less expensive?
I'm sorry, letter-writing-bride, about all of these crazy comments. I sent ESB a crazy "help me plan my whole wedding outfit" email a few months before my wedding, so I totally understand the impulse to reach out for help (even if the question is huge/vague/overwhelming/something you really need to figure out yourself).
In defense of esb, did you really think she'd know shit about the cape? but really esb, I'd bet the majority of your readers aren't from la or NYC and it's pretty small minded to think they and only they deserve such huge posts always.
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't want to give this question the time of day, fine. But why post at all, only to alienate a reader who values your opinion. You could have found a masshole friend to write a guest post.
I don't mean to be harsh but I think I'll take my reading elsewhere. You being rude to readers has gotten old fast and all to entertain whay seems to be a small group of bitter girls. What has this blog come to? Every few posts you just hand it over to the readers, this is more of a forum, I'd say.
If you want help planning a reception on the cape, a good starting point would be giving a general locale.... This is like saying "in LA" or "long island" - it's pretty fucking big. $5,000 budget, or $15,000 budget (which is still budget in CC). Get more specific if you need help.
ReplyDeleteAnd who's the bitch now, Germany bitch?
I think this has gotten out of control, the reader was in the wrong for not giving more details - what she obvi should have done was ask something like 'I'm having a beach wedding in the cape, I was thinking for the reception having either x, y, z or a, b, c. which do you think would rock more/guests would enjoy more, etc. any advice?'
ReplyDeleteTHAT shows that she has put some thought into it herself and it getting feedback on her ideas, not just asking someone else to hand over a brilliant idea on a platter without any details or specifics.
There is a difference between asking - what should I do for my wedding? and - I was thinking about a bbq beach reception, any suggestions on cool music to play or how do I write the invites so people know what to wear, etc.
C'mon people, you know esb's bark is worse than her bite, she does it for the love it, and we come back for that. And YES, it is a bit of a forum, but that's the point - everyone sharing ideas. If you don't like esb's answer, suggest something else, hello.
UH no.
ReplyDeleteHa.
ReplyDeleteThe comments on this post were exactly what I needed with my coffee and foul mood this morning.
Good job, all.
My suggestion for the bride is to make a list of three things you're not willing to skimp on - food, music, drinks, location, lighting set-up, photographer, flowers, babysitting, whatever you feel is going to make your reception just, like, totally bangin' - and do the same for three things you're meh about. My friends decided they didn't want to skimp on live music, but could give a shit about flowers, and it's made it easier to figure out where to put the money.
ReplyDeleteAs for the thread itself - this is clearly a warning shot at all those emailers who write it saying they need "a wedding" with no info. I'm sure wading through those is a task, and this forum is much better when you give folks some basics to work with.
Hey, talk to the person you are planning on marrying about this – he/she would probably have some ideas, and would like to be involved, rather than go along with detailed reception plans you got from strangers on the internet.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure this was posted because ESB is sick of getting e-mails with zero fucking details. I mean, WTF is a budget wedding? 99% of weddings have a budget, what is yours?
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I pretty much agree with BFG on this one.
I seem to be in the minority, but I think the bitch from germany is a bitch. Write your own blog, BFG, you seem to have a lot to say.
ReplyDeleteYou know who's missing from this discussion? Rob.
ReplyDeletehe's waiting for her to tell him what to say (minions don't think for themselves, duh!)
ReplyDeleteNikki: love! You are so right.
ReplyDelete@anon 7:58 hahha! And I would gladly read bfg's blog!
ReplyDelete@Nikki DITTO.
ReplyDeleteAnd really? Minions? Is that what hipsters are calling agreeable people these days?
This sounds like a question for The Knot.
ReplyDeleteAnd since we've been told to delete our Knot accounts let's throw this girl a bone. Wedding planning is hard enough without getting bitched at by "an evil club of mean hipster brides."
Mean, sure? Heartless, let's not.
The only time I've ever been to Cape Cod was in October and it was raining so here we go... Find a beach you like and get an event permit. Find a caterer who's up to BBQing or go the food truck route. Get big metal tubs for the booze. Stock a few bonfire rings with wood and smores stuff. Oh and sparklers would be cute.
@nikki: trust me, i agree. bitch from germany is truly a fucking bitch. go rant some where else, lunatic!
ReplyDeleteAnyone notice this hilarious label?
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or is there a big difference between these two conversations:
ReplyDeleteQ: I am going to X location on vacation. Any recommendations?
A: OMG, I totally just went there/live there/heard of that place and you HAVE to check out X,Y,Z. Or don't. Whatevs, it's a vacation!
and
Q: I'm getting married in Cape Cod on the beach and I don't want to spend too much money. Can you help?
A: Um...can you give me more to go on? Like...say...where in Cape Cod? How much money is too much? What's a "nice dinner"? What options have you already tried? What does your PARTNER think? Are you religious? Allergic? HALP!
Also, as someone who was very much lampooned by ESB and the commenting community when I wrote in for my own Dear ESB, let's stop protecting the question asker, shall we? We all know what we're getting into when we write in. We're big kids, we can take it. (I'm looking at you German sunshine).
Lastly, I'd just like to say fuck Cape Cod. Come up to Maine and get married on the beach where we did. You can have your reception at the same oceanfront restaurant we did and you can even borrow my decorations. DONE and DONE.
ilu, maddie.
ReplyDeletesome of you people need to have a drink. rough tuesday, eh?
ReplyDeleteYikes, people. I just discovered this blog through a backlink to an archived post on another blog, and I was super excited because the person said this was along the lines of the other super awesome, sassy but lovely non-WIC wedding blogs I love. But this? Half of you (including ESB...) are being really awful. Simmer down already. I think I'll be taking this off my blogroll, and I just now added it.
ReplyDeleteMaddie...
ReplyDeleteI like that "German Sunshine". Perhaps I shall include that going forward.
I challenge some of you to go back through the archive of Dear Esb's. Here's the shocker: regardless of information given, if ESB is on board you all jump to help out. If ESB exhibits any apprehension whatsoever there is an overwhelming amount of hate thrown to the writer. I don't give a fuck if you want to rip each other to shreds - it might be delightful to read... But for some of you, who presumably pride yourselves on originality - you do a whole lot of pandering to the leader.
-That sunny bitch from Germany
Yeah, I've never commented here but this post made me come out of the wood work. The people saying the request was "asking ESB to plan the whole wedding" clearly need to work on their reading comprehension skills. I saw plenty of helpful suggestions from people in the comments from people who weren't necessarily from Cape Cod. (Food truck, barbecue, brunch, etc.) Seriously, those answers were good and they didn't require knowing all the details about the wedding, nor did they plan the woman's wedding for her. What the hell?
ReplyDeleteOh - and I read the blog and comment because I am the Matron of Honor for my childhood best friend in the states. And of all the ridiculous websites she sent me - this is the only one worth checking in on - ESB had me at "wedding pants" which I think is fucking stellar. And there seems to be some international flair here which is always pleasing.
ReplyDelete-that sunny bitch from Germany
Do we have to call someone a B and then tell everyone else to be nice to comment on this one?
ReplyDeleteReception on the cheap? this is how it is done around here:
Go kill one of your cows or hogs
Buy a keg and plastic cups
Have your weird uncle cook said cow/hog
DONE.
I'm sure you can translate that to a beach.
(was that minion enough for everyone?)
forgot something... BITCH. and be nice, your grandmother might be listening.
Worth noting is that if you want to do an outdoor reception in a public space like a park or the beach in a blue law state (i.e. Massachusetts) you will likely be stuck trying to figure out how to get your drink on without getting arrested.
ReplyDeleteMost beaches require bonfire permits and won't allow alcohol. Trust me, I tried.
Oh! I totally forgot that I wrote this for APW. It's how to throw a beach wedding if you're lazy, like me.
ReplyDeletehttp://apracticalwedding.com/2011/03/how-to-plan-a-beach-wedding/
I'm pretty sure I've not said that the moderator was a bitch... I'm sure she's lovely.
ReplyDelete-that sunny bitch from Germany
I feel sorry for the poor girl who wrote in I bet she wasn't expecting this. She just seemed a little overwhelmed by the beginning stages of planning. I'm sure even the caddy questions will prove helpful.
ReplyDeleteWonder what ESB thinks of all of this. Where is ESB?
Forget ESB, I want Rob to plan my wedding!
ReplyDelete@Rob. About effing time!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm in love with That Bitch From Germany.
ReplyDeleteI've bookmarked this page to remind myself to read all the comments after I've finished my round of summer books! It has everything: drama, tension, comedy, heart, bravery. I can't wait!
ReplyDeleteBitch from Germany has said it all. I'm done with this blog.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm on Team German Sunshine. I don't really consider this to be THAT much more involved than looking for a dress, shoes, swimsuit. I searched for Real Weddings in Cape Cod and found this badass wedding photographed by Max Wanger, which led me to the Overbrook House.
ReplyDeleteThen I happened upon this list of venues. I like the Old Red Farm Inn personally.
If those places are too pricey or not what you're looking for, I suggest going to Cape Cod with your fiance and finding a great restaurant that you both love. Make it your reception site.
You have more than a year until your wedding. Take time to do your research. My advice: Don't rush into booking a venue. My husband and I booked our original venue way too early. Our plans changed, and we lost the deposit, which wasn't a HUGE deal, and it all worked out in the end, but (again) take your time. And GOOD LUCK. Write back when you need a reception dress, and maybe we'll be more helpful. Maybe. xo.
@Molly, I can be bought. However, we don't raise hogs anymore so if you want pork you'll have to provide it but I can cook.
ReplyDelete@HalfPint it took me all day to read through the comments, cut me some slack. That, and I had to await my instructions from ESB, her carrier pigeon took a wrong turn.
I read this blog to be entertained by a sassy bitch not a bleeding cunt. I hate when the ego goes to her head since I like this blog (being a bitch myself). Also, she could have just gone the lazy route, which is becoming the norm now, and dumped the research on the readers. I'm cool with that actually.
ReplyDeletei can't help but wonder what the question-asker will think when she comes across these crazy comments!
ReplyDeletefor the sake of (hopefully) helping, and as a former dear esb-er myself, i'd like to add my two cents.
instead of the cape, how about the berkshires? it's only 3 hours west, but it may be a world more accessible to your traveling guests- a closer drive for drivers, a cheaper flight (into hartford or albany, as opposed to boston) for flyers. im assuming since you've chosen the cape that it is familiar to you, your family, and some guests. all the more reason to mix things up and head to the berks, you'll still be in MA for what it's worth.
the berkshires are known for it's beautiful mountainscapes and art/music culture. there are all sorts of amazing venues like waterfalls, national parks, lakeside, atop mountains (like mt. greylock, the highest spot in MA), natural bridges, bed and breakfasts, old concert halls (hello- world famous tanglewood!), beautiful barns, Mass MOCA, etc.
design sponge did a cool area guide to the berks. while i do think she found some cool spots, the comments are worth reading for extra ideas.
http://www.designsponge.com/2010/10/berkshires-guide.html
Gosh. Bit of a shitstorm in a teacup, no?
ReplyDeleteDear esb,
I am sending you a heart and a hug for I suspect you need it.
Dear those-of-you-flinging-the-nasties-around,
Fuck the fuck off eh? There's a dear.
'Sake.
C
I am second-ing the above post. You are the Dan Savage of weddings. Keep it real lady.
ReplyDelete-Colleen
Harsh comments. I wish I knew something about the area. With that said, might be a little lazy. Can't blame you though, the shit's annoying.
ReplyDelete@esb Thanks for always being sassy, that's why we're here.
ESB - what a bitchy post. I'm with the bitch from Germany and others on this who agreed. This is no different to any other question about a dress or swimsuit or whatever. Actually I'd class it as more important and more deserving of help than the things usually posted here. She did nothing wrong by asking. You may not be a fucking wedding planner but you are a fucking bitch. Only your 'sassy' (i.e. bitchy) readers (blind followers who think you can do no wrong) will be behind you here. The rest of us are better off reading elsewhere, clearly.
ReplyDeleteYO ! this post has gone South a la 'Lord of the Flies'. SOMEONE BROKE MY GLASSES !!!!!
ReplyDelete@17beats - But I've go the conch!
ReplyDeletegot*
ReplyDeleteViel Liebe zum Bitch aus Deutschland. I am totally your biggest fan. Please tell me when you go live.
ReplyDeleteAnd where is esb? Is there a secret esb bunker we don't know about?
I really should have made the comment I deleted from the next post over here, but lol at the post and the comments.
ReplyDeletei would like to give props to @woolandmisc for noticing the label "lazypantses".
ReplyDelete@woolandmisc @Naurnie don't think I won't use that label again.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little horrified all around - I read this when it went up and thought it was a bit harsh. Then I realized that all of the suggestions people are giving in the comments? You can get them with one quick Google search. Seriously, fucking google that shit. Lazypantses indeed.
ReplyDeleteAnd not to be a bleeding heart or anything, but can we scale back on the namecalling? When it's done ironically (which is often, here), it's a lot more okay than what's been said in this particular shitstorm.
Maddie, you crack me up !
ReplyDeleteIt seems pretty obvious that a lot of the people here sticking up for ESB are her actual friends...
ReplyDeleteAs for the blog - I've noticed that it gets a bit more egotistical each week. I'm done here - there was a big difference when there were snide remarks about typical weddings. It made me feel like I had a sounding board, but this has gotten old and ESB (or perhaps someone writing for ESB) has gotten way too full of themselves. Now I just feel like everything posted is pretty negative and feel less excited about wedding stuff in general.
C-ya ESB.
the post that broke esb...
ReplyDelete:(
@Anon 2:54AM
ReplyDeleteShe's broken? Cause I'm pretty sure she just doesn't give a fuck. Look at the fucking subheader. OH. Or the archives. This isn't like... new.
@ESB, you just keep doin' whatchu doin'.
these bitches be crazy.
ReplyDelete