if i were to get married now...................

from elizabeth of the littlest

ever wonder what the wife of one of the coolest wedding people around -- a pretty fucking cool lady herself -- has to say about weddings?

ME TOO.

michael and i were engaged way back in 2005 (married 2006) when the knot and martha stewart were the stewards of all things wedding. the new york mag wedding issue was the only thing close to decent at the time and even that was a bit posh and removed from what i envisioned for my big day. i remember buying a couple of those magazines and literally getting tight in the chest at the thought of chocolate fountains and proper etiquette. somehow i am the girl who has NEVER been a bridesmaid (my closest friends are either not married and the ones who are just happened to get married in jordan, greece, india, australia and new zealand) and since i grew up LDS everyone around me married in the temple. so no frame of reference. zip. zero. i never dreamt of my wedding day and didn't see the point of bridesmaids or bridal showers which leads me to how over the top crazy this whole wedding thing has become! shots of cute feet and all.

that's not to say i didn't have the mason jars full of wild flowers on the vintage tablecloths or the tin buckets overflowing with icy drinks. i did. i had a pretty white dress, something old, something new. i poured over our invitations and had them printed at the legendary soho letterpress. i spent months tearing up on the subway listening to the songs i was going to walk down the aisle to and have for my first dance. i obsessed over finding the right shoes (i didn't!) i dreamt of our first night married and where we would have our honeymoon (costa rica.) i also had my closest family and friends there and not a person more. i seem to remember thinking that was all that really mattered. i still do.

so what would i change?

now that i see the possibilities, i can't help but think i could fit a couple things into my perfect memory of that day (the good thing about memory is that you can erase all of the things that seemed annoying at the time!)

i would probably have taken a chance and worn my hair up in a cute messy bun instead of down like i always have it. i love joanna's tutorials for simpletons such as myself. although it did look a bit like the elfin princess anne hathaway as a matter of fact.

i would have asked for fewer favors and just coughed up the dough - case in point:

i don't have the best photos from that day which i really regret. my gay fashion photographer friend from nyc shoot was supposed to shoot the family portraits and reception while he was busy trying to chase down a drink. we literally have never spoken since but i blame myself as i should have known he wasn't cut out for it. oh well. what i have learned from this is shooting weddings is hard work. hats off to wedding photographers. such an emotion laden day and you have the responsibility of capturing it, even if the bride accidentally took too much xanax or it's raining sideways. so long story short, i would have hired my photographers and given them a shot list of images i absolutely wanted (cake cutting, family portraits, more shots with michael, etc.)

i had a very well known, celebrity makeup artist (best friends with the gay fashion photographer so i no longer talk to her either - ha!) do my makeup as a favor but since she was doing me a favor, we didn't do a makeup test. i never wear makeup so didn't feel super comfortable and as great as she is, if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, it doesn't matter who is doing your makeup. so have a test. i had a tear of michelle williams hair and makeup at the oscars 2006 and kick myself for not doing it.

i would also have definitely hired a videographer to shoot the ceremony, my sweet stepmom bought a video camera and shoved it in the hands of my unwitting stepbrother. poor thing. sharkpig wasn't available then - but i look at almost every single thing he does and it makes me just so happy for the couples who have videos by him (and a little bit jealous.)

now that i have my daughter, i would have spent more time picking items that i could hand down to her. my dress closed the spring 2007 Nicole Miller runway show and is pretty beautiful but i think i could have done better (is that awful?) i chose wedges so that i could walk up the hill (we married at a beautiful, remote location that you had to hike to get to) if i could do it again, i'd say balance be damned and picked the coolest shoes.

and pie in the sky, i would have taken this old farmhouse that was shipped from appalachia to california and plunked it down where we had the ceremony (san juan islands) for the reception. i went to a wedding there recently and it was a truly magical venue.

last but not least, everyone told me and somehow i still didn't listen - i would have spent more time with michael instead of worrying about making everyone else happy. that day was for us. it's easy to lose sight of that.

1. jamie beck for cup of jo, 2. miu miu, 3. michelle williams courtesy of fairchild archive via brides, 4. miu miu by jak & jil for style.com via the cherry blossom girl, 5. figueroa farmhouse by kevin charlie

(catch up with the rest of the "if i were to get married now..................." series here.)