Hi East Side Bride!
I did a search through your archive and found this article, but it doesn't quite help me out.
My partner and I didn't write anything about having a child free wedding, we just made sure people knew about it. Neither my partner or I have any nephews or nieces and few of our friends have children so it seemed we were going to be home free!
Unfortunately it seems that my Uncle and his partner are bringing their baby with them (baby is nearly 1 year old) from New Zealand (we're getting married in Australia) and as excited as I am to meet my newest cousin, I am not at all happy with him coming to the wedding. My parents think I will cause unnecessary family drama by offering to arrange a babysitter for them considering they've come so far to attend my wedding. I asked a friend with a similar aged child how she'd feel and she thought it would be okay, but apparently family like drama.
Are my parents correct, am I being childish by desperately not wanting a baby at my wedding? I am definitely not much of a child person, and every wedding I've been to that has children at it has been interrupted by one of them screaming during the ceremony - something I'd be really pissed off about. I've been very chilled about most things with this wedding - it's just a big party that I happen to be getting married at right? Well, I don't invite children to my parties so why should I have to have one at my wedding?
What do you think?
*****
ONE BABY will not ruin your wedding. You're gonna be so blissed out you won't even notice the thing.
Clémence Poesy by Ellen Von Unwerth via Sarah Dobson via bienenkiste
Turn it on it's head - it's not nice for a bub to be bored/hungry/tired/whatever during the ceremony. So say to the parents you're super-excited to meet the little one, but a little concerned that they will be bored/hungry/tired/whatever during the ceremony, and you'd like them to know it's ok by you if they need to take him out to soothe him at any stage it's ok. Hopefully they'll take the hint, and it'll be ace having him there.
ReplyDeleteI don't see how it would be causing any drama to express concern for your uncle and his partner's enjoyment at the wedding and offer a babysitter.
ReplyDeleteBut if they refuse, no big deal that there's one kid there.
Offer the babysitter, and then (REALLY) let them choose. You won't notice, but it would let you stop worrying about it. But ESB is right.
ReplyDeleteIn hindsight, several adults needed a babysitter at our wedding.
ReplyDeleteThe one baby who attended, however? Pleasant as can be.
What did that baby ever do to you?
ReplyDeleteI agree with ESB, not a big deal. We had a handful of babies/kids at our wedding, and it didn't impact the party at all. One of them briefly cried out during our ceremony, and I couldn't care less. I barely even noticed.
OHHHH boy do I feel you on this. I wasn't so much afraid of babies as I was the 4-8 year olds we know who love to cling to my legs with their sticky fingers and ask me 50 times in a row "AM I BEING ANNOYING??" Because of my fears, the only kids we had at our wedding were family kids - nieces, nephews, cousins. And apparently the youngest of them had some issues, but like ESB said, I was definitely too blissed out to notice.
ReplyDelete(although bored toddlers make for hilarious wedding photos)
We kindly requested (via word-of-mouth) NO KIDS at our wedding (last October); this caused a HUGE rift with my sister-in-law; she threatened not to come at all. Etc. We've (since) mended our relationship, but in hindsight I would've let her kids (our niece and nephew) come. Just to avoid the drama that ensued. Good luck. xo.
ReplyDeletesorry, have to disagree. we had a no kids rule at our wedding and people bitched about it - but we stuck to our guns and in the end it was mostly drama free.
ReplyDeleteif you don't want the baby there, then offer the babysitter. they'll probably be grateful! most of the parents at our wedding were stoked to have one night off from their kids.
Yeah, I hafta disagree as well. One baby and then everyone else is pissed off because THEIR baby didn't get to come. Go the babysitter route. If it's near the venue or the babysitter stays in their hotel room, they will get to see the baby as soon as they're done at the reception.
ReplyDeleteSome people truly wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 12 month old with a babysitter they had never met. To be more precise, with a babysitter the BABY had never met. Some young ones would cry the entire night, left with a stranger.
ReplyDeleteI'd offer the sitter, but graciously accept if they turn you down. Then ask another family member to remind the couple to sit in the back during the ceremony so one parent can exit if the little critter starts wailing.
I'm with LPC. Offer the sitter but understand if they don't feel comfortable leaving their child with a complete stranger.
ReplyDeleteI dont know, I kind of disagree with you here @eastsidebride. If other guests have agreed not to bring their babies, then it may cause even more drama that this uncle gets to bring his? Where is the line?
ReplyDeleteI say, casually offer up the babysitter idea if other guests are doing that. If the uncle gets upset, try to defend yourself calmly and respectably, noting that other guests are complying. If he is still upset, you could have either he or a babysitter watch the child during the ceremony in case the baby gets whiny and needs to leave the room. That way, the uncle doesnt miss the ceremony, and the child will still be at the wedding reception for you to meet!
I feel ya on the baby front dude. I would FLIP OUT if I couldnt focus on my fiance's vows to me over a baby wailing in the second row. Rude.
ps: if they have a babysitter they use at home, offer to pay for that sitter's flight out to australia to accompany them to the wedding. It may be expensive for you, but if that's how you feel about the baby, you have to be accommodating somehow.
ReplyDeleteBlissed out or not, it's still a baby and it is not the baby's party, it's yours. Get a babysitter for the ceremony only, and then let the darling come to the reception. If there are hard feelings ... well, it's still your party and you get to make the rules.
ReplyDeleteWe ended up with a baby at the wedding that we weren't expecting to be there, and honestly, it was all good. One of my bridesmaids son was 4 months old, and the babysitter she had organised fell through at the last minute - they are from the other end of the country so didn't have anyone to fall back on. The wee mans dad was great, and there were no issues at all.
ReplyDeleteI did a last minute re-organise of the seating plan so that he could be in a corner with room for the pushchair, and easy access to the next room for when my friend had to go feed. No drama's at all.
Honestly, I would NEVER have chosen to have my bridesmaids baby there, but it was really no issue at all!
The ESB is probably right that you won't notice but I think as long as you package it right you won't cause any family drama.
ReplyDeleteIe. won't it be nice to have a night off so you can enjoy my wedding? I've arranged for...
It's probably because I am the eldest, but I kind of accepted the fact that my wedding was a family reunion of sorts for my and his families. Your relatives are there, first and foremost for you, but weddings are a fantastic way to help with family unity and reconnect, especially for those coming from afar. Your kin may not have another chance for a while to introduce the little one to all of it's relatives. A gracious bride really does add to the experience. Also, new baby will probably keep the old people too busy to to tell you long winded stories about their own weddings.
ReplyDeleteugh, i totally disagree. go with your gut and just politely tell them that it is an adult only ceremony. i was just in my best friend's wedding back home and half of my classmates ALL brought their babies/toddlers. SUPER lame and annoying. they all just sat in a back corner of the entire reception looking miserable, and they all left early. what's the point of going to your friend's wedding if you can't let loose and actually enjoy yourself? i happen to love kids, but i don't go to parties/bars/weddings to hang out with them! if it's really what you DON'T want, than say something, otherwise, you'll just have to deal with possible crying.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. You'll still be the belle of the ball. One cute baby is not going to steal the show.
ReplyDeleteDid anybody who disagreed with ESB read the part about the uncle traveling from New Zealand to Australia? They cannot leave that young a child behind, obviously. I say go the route of offering a babysitter and understand if they do not accept. The uncle will have to make a few concessions (sitting in the back, etc.). Other people who were informed about the no-children rule will have to suck it up and understand the extenuating circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI agree with anon above, if they're bringing their baby across the ocean, you can't seriously expect them to leave it with a stranger. If it was so important that the baby not be there, you should have made that clear before your uncle bought flights to Australia.
ReplyDelete