Dear ESB,
I have this friend who I have known over a decade. He and I have had a strange, and maybe strained, friendship for awhile now. We worked on a few projects together. He and I have really different management styles, and we often got frustrated with each other. Then he quit the project to do another, better job.
I recently found out he’s blocked me on a bunch of social media platforms. He also didn’t invite me to his birthday party (which I’ve been invited to for the past few years), and some other things our mutual friends were invited to. This is all something I probably wouldn’t have noticed, at least for awhile, except that we do have the same friends. I’m sort of taken aback, and my feelings are strangely hurt, even though these seem like immature, highschoolish things to be hurt over. Especially since we are both in our 30s. There was never a big blow out; I had actually thought things were fine, and would get better once we weren’t working together.
So, here’s the thing. He and his wife (who I like very much, but rarely see) are on our guest list, and they received the Save the Date two months ago. Do I still go ahead and send them a formal invitation? I feel like that’s the adult, civilized thing to do.
But the immature part of me feels like, since he’s stopped inviting me to his parties, I shouldn’t invite him to my party. Oof. Put some adult sense into me, please.
- A child
*****
Be the bigger man. Send an invite to the f*cker.
Maybe you'll get lucky and his wife will show without him.
Photo by Gordon Ball
Screw it, he un-invited himself.
ReplyDeleteyeah, you sent him the save the date... so you've got to do the right thing and invite him. if anything, you'll get a gift out of him. ;)
ReplyDeletehaha, I'm with Celia... if he's being a little bitch he probably won't even come, but you'll still get a gift!
ReplyDeleteOr, better yet, he will come and it will incite some positive feelings and estranged relationship will warm up
ReplyDeleteInvite him. Be the better person.
ReplyDeleteFor me it all comes down to: do you want him there?
ReplyDeleteIf you do go ahead and send the invite. If you don't, let it go, he might get the hint and ask you giving you a chance to explain about your hurt feelings.
If his cool wife sees the invite she's bound to ask "whatever happened to..." which could lead to her telling him to get the fuck over your differences in management style and quit being a baby.
ReplyDeleteYou already sent the save the date, so your options are to go ahead as planned (invite him and let him make the call) or escalate the situation (don't invite him and make it clear that you're pissed about his behavior).
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd opt for an email, telling him you're sad that you guys have drifted apart and you'd like to repair things. Mention that you guys have been friends for a long time and you want him at your wedding. Sometimes confronting stuff makes it easier.
hilarious, love esb's advice on this one. agreed, take the high road and send the invite. then the ball's in his court and you've acted with grace and tact.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'd expect to be invited if I received the save the date, that's the big girl thing to do.
ReplyDeleteSame thing happened to me actually.
The f*cker DID show up, much to my disappointment, and he didn't get us a gift.
this guy has already caused you hurt feelings and stress...don't let him get away with causing damage to your integrity as well. if you lower yourself to his behavior, you're just as bad as he is.
ReplyDeletetrust me, i know, getting back at someone always sounds good in our heads but in reality it just aggravates the situation and drags it on longer. inviting this guy is like a white peace flag. you're putting the ball in his court and letting him know you're not interested in playing his immature games, so he should either grow some balls and act like an adult or just go away.
just send it to get the prezzie
ReplyDeleteI agree with esb to take the high road, but what is with all the gift-grabbing in the comments?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think sending a save the date kind of effed you here. Invite him anyway and let him look like the inconsiderate douche
ReplyDeleteHa, something nearly identical to this happened to me.
ReplyDeleteI sent an informal email "Save the Date" out, then a series of events occurred that, really, had nothing to do with our personal relationship, but reinforced that this was not someone I particularly wanted to maintain a relationship with.
After the informal save the date, I pestered people for mailing addresses (as I didn't have a lot of them), and he never responded. Shortly after, I saw he had unfriended me on Facebook, and like you I had no idea why as our relationship to date was quite cordial.
So, yeah, he didn't get an invite. I wasn't about to track him down so I could send him one, when he clearly didn't even want to maintain a relationship with me.
(F him and F etiquette ... don't invite him.)
Do it for the wifey.
ReplyDeletethe CATHOLIC in me wants to tell you "take the high road and turn the other cheek," while the SATANIST in me says, "he was disrespectful to you and so you may unleash upon him merciless cruelty."
ReplyDelete'merciless cruelty' is probably a little extreme. maybe just don't invite him.
all kidding aside, i was initially in Celia's camp, thinking "eh, you'll get a gift. invite him." but then i thought, "what kind of a shit gift would a chump like him get anyway?" i say that it's not worth the bad blood and drama -- don't invite him.
i see you have a carbird logo on your site, i bought a ring for my girlfriend there. great little boutique.
ReplyDeleteGordon Ball
www.gordonball.ca
ha or a catbird.
ReplyDeleteGB
@GB it doesn't surprise me that you have *excellent* taste.
ReplyDeleteI don't see your options as exclusively invite/don't invite. I think first you could call him up and ask him what his deal is. THAT is the adult thing to do. And based on how that conversation goes, you can decide if you want to invite him.
ReplyDelete