I'm not f*ing catholic!

Dear ESB-

So my question deals with our wedding but also the future in general.  I am not one of those girls who has always dreamed about my wedding and has everything down to a T, but I did know I wanted to get married outside and I didn’t want to have a religious ceremony.  Enter my fiancé who happens to come from a large catholic family.  When we got engaged it was just assumed by everyone in his family that we would have a catholic wedding, even though they know I am not catholic.  Even family members who eloped were then pressured to have a catholic wedding afterwards.  Shortly after getting engaged, I agreed to have a catholic wedding  (I was still in the dreaminess of being engaged and feeling generous), which I have come to regret.  A catholic wedding is not that important to my husband but is very important to his family, a nonreligious ceremony is very important to me. I feel resentful because my fiancé has pressed for what is more important to his family than important to me.

Fast forward, I am now thinking about the future since part of getting married in a catholic church is agreeing to raise your kids catholic.  I know his parents are going to ask we baptize our kids and raise them catholic and then send them to catholic school, I feel like fiancé will side with what is important to them and not to me and I will come off like a frigid bitch.  Even though kids are far off into the future this concerns me since I have always wanted to educate my kids about different religions and let them make a choice that best suits them.  What really gets under my skin is recently we were lectured about how we should really go to catholic church more often and I wanted to say “I’m not f*ing catholic!”

My fiancé says I should concentrate on the present and not the future.  I say it would be stupid to get married without looking at our future.  I am just afraid I will always have to take a back seat to him and his family.  I almost get the sense they feel entitled to have things go their way or their way is the only way.  I guess I am not really sure what I am asking but has anyone else experienced and had things worked out, any recommendations?  Should we work this out before we get married, should I have something in the prenup?  Should I just suck it up and give in. I have no clue.

-Nonreligious bride

Ps. I should mention we have talked about this many times with no resolution. Me basically stating what I want and him stating "I guess we will wait and see"

*****

You have got to work this out before you get married.

If your FH is not willing to stand up for you now, good fucking luck getting him to stand up for you five years from now.

(Photo by Wendy Bevan for Marie Claire Italia via TaHe via Fashion Gone Rogue)

Hey Loeffler Randall,

We don't want BRIDAL SHOES. We much prefer the regular variety.

Thx.

Love,
Me

Confetti System + Martha Stewart = too much of a good thing?

You tell me.

Please note: They skipped the best part. WTF?

(Via 100 Layer Cake)

If I were to get married now...................

from Martha B. of Nibs

Hindsight is a tricky thing. It can make you appreciate some of the decisions you've made. But it can also make you regret the paths not taken. When I look back at our wedding day I made lots of choices...some good...some not so good.

The good ones- I kept within a tight budget which dictated a lot. Yet I can honestly say I never felt cheated. I skipped the big sitdown dinner in favor of light hors d'oeuvres and a three-tiered cake. Decorations were left to our best man who happened to be a talented graphic designer. What he did with 300 balloons was absolutely amazing! I nixed tuxes and had the guys wear navy blue suits. My satin dress and my two bridesmaids' taffeta skirts were sewn by my mother. An old high school friend took pictures. My husband and I then drove off in his vintage V.W. Beetle and spent our honeymoon in Vermont.

The not so good ones aren't really bad. I just wish I hadn't done them. One in particular stands out that has to do with my husband. When we discussed his wedding attire I suggested that he and the guys wear suits. He was more than happy with this arrangement. I also suggested he wear black shoes. My husband looked at me like I was crazy and shook his head no. He hates black shoes. Instead he planned to wear brown ones. Well...I hit the roof. I argued that they wouldn't look right for the photographs and used a number of other excuses I could think of. In the end he relinquished and wore the dreaded shoes. I cringe when I think about it now. Because, in hindsight, it really didn't matter. My advice...pick your battles carefully.

We've been married over XX years. Our wedding has faded into the background of everyday life that makes up our marriage. We've had our share of disappointments and sadness. But we've also had a lot of joy and laughter. Each anniversary together reminds me that I married my best friend.

If we were to get married now...what would I choose?

1. I got married in January between college semesters. What was I thinking? Not to mention it was bitterly cold and we had a terrible blizzard the day of the wedding. Give me a warm day in spring or summer.

2. Skip the formal invitations for handwritten ones. Or have Christine design invitations like she did for our anniversary.

3. No big wedding with half the people I don't even know. I'd plan a small, intimate wedding & reception at home with just family and close friends. I'd serve our favorite foods like my mom's 'Chicken and rice.' Instead of the usual cake I'd have something unexpected.

4. I'd wear only one ring- a vintage band with diamonds c. 1930.

5. My new dress wouldn't be white but a soft blush color accented in black. I love classic ballet flats but with a twist. I'd wear this fun headband. For the romantic in me,  nothing beats a bouquet of fresh roses.

6. Lastly, my husband and I would jump in our old V.W. Beetle and the two of us would take a honeymoon road trip to...anywhere! :)

______________________________

Catch up with the rest of the series here.

The bride won't return my email

dear esb,

so i have this childhood friend, the height of our friendship occurring around the middle school years. myself and said friend have made paltry efforts over the years to stay in touch, mostly for the sake of nostalgia. there have been occasional meet ups when we both go to our hometown for christmas, and scant fb messages. she actually really insulted me a few years ago by asking if i'd even finished college. (sidenote: i work in photo production and have an art degree...she is in med school...big whoop.)

so! i get a save-the-date from her the last week in january, followed up with an invitation earlier this week, urging respondents to do so by march 15th. the wedding is early june.

my initial thought was yes! i'd love to go to this wedding!! if at worst, it will be in a city i've never explored and could be fun for me and the bf. so i dropped her a lengthy catch-up email...because really? we haven't spoken in over two years, and wouldn't that just be kind of awkward if i attended without reestablishing that line of communication? it was peppered with congratulations and what are you up tos? complete good intentions.

since then (this was three weeks ago), radio silence.

i reply to my original email last night asking if her relic of an aol account was still active, and if so...no pressure on replying as i'm sure she's crazy busy becoming a doctor and planning for a wedding. i get a reply this morning stating "yes, i still check this account, but i'm not too good at replying to emails." and THAT'S IT! i then replied that it was no biggie...when you get a chance drop me a line. looking forward...blah blah. the polite way to handle things...

i don't know which i'm more annoyed with, the accelerated schedule at which her wedding is happening, and the oh-so-gauche fact that she's registered at jc penney and sears (gasp!), or the fact that homegirl can't even articulate a few effin' sentences to satiate my desire to reconnect on some level before I shell out $400+ bucks to go to her crappy wedding.

kind of feeling like staying put in nyc that weekend, on principal alone.

am i reading into things too much?

--a stickler for email manners

*****

I sure as hell wouldn't go to her wedding.

(Although, I'm confused. You'd prefer she registered somewhere more expensive?)

Zeng Chuanxing via Pour Porter via cinoh

J-tree here we come

I'm pretty sure Afton posted these photos just for me.

H and I are headed to Joshua Tree for a few days with my dad and his lady, and we've been trying -- without complete success -- to explain the rock and roll legacy of the place, which centers around Gram Parsons (obviously) but also Keith Richards.

Everything comes back to Keith Richards, no? I mean, LOOK AT THAT HAIR. Anita Pallenberg's hair is pretty good too.

(Photos by Michael Cooper circa 1969 via F/F via MS.MS.)

Can I put my niece in the wedding but not my nephew?

Dear ESB,

I am torn about having children in our wedding party. My fiance and I love kids and want some in our wedding, but what we don't want is a whiny child irritating us right before we walk down the aisle. 

My nephew is 4 and rather shy, also kind of whiny. I love him whole-heartedly, but worry that he wouldn't want to walk down the aisle for a crowd of 250. On the other hand, my niece (from my other sister) is not shy and will totally wow the audience. Then there are four others who we feel we can't exclude. And so now, to forgo any baby-drama, we are considering x'ing out all the nieces and nephews who may or may not enjoy this wedding day duty.

Okay, so my question is: Can I have one, but not the other? Will my sister be totally hurt if I exclude her kid? Do I just get over it and let him be in the wedding? Do I have all of them - six total?! Help!

*****

Uh, YEAH your sister will be hurt. You've gotta use all the kids or none of them.

Keep in mind, they can still hang out and be cute and shit without butting in on the ceremony. (See: The above photo Chau sent me from her Houston wedding.)

My Aunt is hijacking my wedding

Dear ESB,

I never thought I would be writing to you, partly because I'm pretty sure you would kick my wedding's ass (it has cupcakes and pinwheels) and partly because I just never figured anything would go THAT wrong.

Allow me to set the scene: my west coast Canada wedding is in 4 months, my extended family on my dad's side is mostly in Ontario except for one aunt (let's call her Aunt X) and my grandma. My mom recently informed me that my Aunt X was planning to pay for a lot of my extended family from Ontario to come out for my wedding, namely my Uncle and his family and my Grandpa and his girlfriend. Not only is she planning this, she's already spoken with the parties about it.

While it does miff me that she's basically invited people to my wedding when I haven't sent out invitations yet, what worries me more is certain family dynamics that she has ignored or not considered. My dad has a very tumultuous relationship with my Grandpa (his dad), as well as with my Uncle. And my Uncle and my Grandpa have a very tumultuous relationship of their own. My Grandma and my Grandpa are divorced and while my Grandma is much better for it and much happier, I'm not sure if anyone has told her that Aunt X is paying for Grandpa and his girlfriend to come out. My dad is now really worried that my Uncle and Grandpa (both of whom enjoy their booze and aren't exactly happy drunks) might cause a scene at my wedding, and personally I'm a bit worried too. Even though I was planning on inviting both my Uncle and my Grandpa, I wasn't expecting them to come out because I haven't seen either of them in over 15 years and only talk to them at Christmas time when we phone them.

So my question is, how do I ask tactfully Aunt X not to pay for their plane tickets?

Love,
Family Issues Bride

*****

If you didn't intend to invite these people, you could gently ask Aunt X to butt the fuck out. But you CAN'T earn points for inviting the extended/estranged family and then turn around and forbid your aunt to pay for their plane tickets.

It's none of your business who pays for the plane tickets. If you don't want them there, don't invite them.

(Photo of Maggie Gyllenhaal by Alice O'Malley for T Magazine via That Obscure Object)

Fuck yellow shoes

Oct 18, 2010

Dear ESB-

I am getting married next June (woot) and have already purchased my dress (double woot, I was not looking forward to this part of the planning and it ended up being pain free. and fun). I love my dress. It is just what I was looking for: a simple shape in an interesting fabric. I have an hourglass figure so this 50's silhouette is usually what is most flattering on me. So now that I have the dress I have no clue what to do with it. Short dress means there is a lot of pressure on the shoes.

I attached 2 photos of the dress. I don't want to look prissy and sullen (image 1) or too indie vintage (image 2). I want to look effortless and hot. I want to look like a grownup but not like your mom. I want to wear yellow shoes. 

Any styling advice? I am not always the best at accessorizing. If your advice is get a new dress thanks for nothing.

kisses.

*****

Oct 20, 2010

I realize now I was a little defensive about my dress. I hadn't been reading your blog to know whether Elizabeth Dye was too "sweet" for your taste. However now that I have been reading through all your back posts (instead of working I might add) that you also love you some Liz. For serious though yellow shoes! I probably need to wait for spring to actually find something. I am just clueless on where to start in terms of style. hmph.

*****

Oct 21, 2010

I'm gonna put this in my pending folder and keep my eyes peeled for yellow when the spring shoes come out. There is shit-all available right now ;)

*****

Feb 10, 2011

Hey there-

I am revising my shoe help request from the fall. No yellow shoes. Fuck yellow shoes and matching my shoes to my invitations etc. I want neutral colored shoes that make my legs look long. Gray perhaps?

I am not being high maintenance and wearing 2 dresses. I am however being high maintenance and wearing 2 pairs of shoes.

Pair 1: Grown up shoes with some kind of heel. Nothing crazy with a 4 inch heel.

Pair 2: Flats I can dance all night in.

Any thoughts?

Also, loving that you post so much lately. fun.

***** 

Mkay, "effortless and hot" in a mid-heel is a little tricky. They can tend to look a little more "office-y and drab" (IMHO), especially in neutral shades.

How do you feel about red?

Or you could just wear these YELLOW REPETTOS all night long.* Totally hot.

*There is a dearth of yellow heels happening right now, (something to consider if you were counting on wearing yellow shoes with your wedding dress) but little yellow flats are starting to crop up.

Messy = Perfect

I'm digging this messy side ponytail Joanna featured the other day, even if she did take the inspiration from J. Crew's lookbook. Hey, those stylists know what they're doing.

Head over to A CUP OF JO for the how-to.

(Photo by Jamie Beck)

If I were to get married now...................

from Noel of Pour Porter

When I got married 7 (going on 8) years ago, I didn't want any giant stress-o-rama production or some foo-foo coconut confection of a dress. I'm pretty low key, hate attention, and am decidedly unromantic. I wore a simple cream A.P.C. dress with a watercolor paint splatter pattern, vintage heels, and a vintage black clutch. We tied the ol' knot  in a beautiful local park with a magistrate, the husband's family, and my older sister looking on. The vow exchange took a max of 3 minutes, we signed the paperwork, and took everyone out for really good sushi. In a nutshell, it was fun, unfussy, and pretty much damn near perfect. BUT, I have to admit it is fun to fantasize about a do-over just because who doesn't like trawling about online for dresses and accessories?!

1. The dress. I'm a pretty casual gal so this Malene Birger dress is perfect - just dressed up enough to not feel TOO casual.

2. The accessories. I feel like this Aesa necklace helps elevate the dress above the ho-hum.

3. The shoes. Um guys, flat wood platforms = COMFORT + HEIGHT (I need all the help I can get). ILU CACHAREL.

4. The ring. I'm not a diamond lover. I have a ring with diamonds, but it's not ye olde engagement diamond. I love the simplicity of this pyrite ring, and believe it or not, a square band is much more comfortable than a traditional round one. I have one of the designer's other ring styles and love how I can't feel it.

5. The bag. I can't live without having something to help carry all of the junk I feel insecure without. This Margiela maple front clutch is A+ + to the nth.

______________________________

p.s. In case you've just arrived, be sure to catch up with the rest of the If I were to get married now................... series.

Attack of the NARCISSISTIC BRIDESMAID

Dear ESB,

I never thought I would do this but I need some unbiased advice.

My fiance and I have been engaged for 15 months and about 10 months ago set a date and venue. About two months after being engaged I had the pleasure of asking my then best-friends to be my joint MOHs. Now one of them has grown into a better friend and the other has dissolved into a narcissistic semblance of a person.

She forgets the wedding date, continuously asks me what she has to do and when she needs to start her "wedding diet."

She has issues with being "single" and has broken into tears about being the "only single person" at the wedding which is a far cry from the truth. I recently threw her a birthday party, a weekend away at my fiance's parent's ski house with a few of our other close friends where she spent the entire weekend sulking in the corner saying she was "tricked" into a couples weekend away which was again, not the truth as we had two single friends there and as a group has consistently hung out together for years. (The trigger for her "single" issue was that my other MOH found a wonderful guy who everyone loves...) 

There are a multitude of other issues but besides from this she, for the third time in two months- second in 1 week- asked me when the wedding was and then proceeded to tell me that she had "herds of people flying in from [North Carolina] that weekend for her brother's football game against BC." Mind you, this is already after I chose a wedding date two weeks later than when we had originally wanted it because she was "going to miss her brother's senior football game" and threatened to spend the entire reception watching the game- which I just laughed at because 1. who broadcasts Duke football games? and 2. there's no television or cable receiver for miles of the reception location. 

I have realized in the past few months that I neither respect her nor do I want to be her friend anymore. I am short of losing it on her and telling her how I really feel but I realize that this is not beneficial for me or my friends that at least still hang out with her or are holding onto some idea of who this person once was.

So, do I get rid of her? And how do I do it? Do I tell her all of the items on the laundry list of my losing respect for her or do I give her a few one liners and be done with it. One of our other friends recently "lost it" in her via email and she proceeded to email them around to our group of friends. I don't really care if she does that with me because all of my friends already know of this issue that I (and my fiance) have with her and supportive of what we need to do.

-Desperately Ditching the MOH

*****

She's behaving like the asshole boyfriend who desperately wants to get dumped. So DUMP HER ASS ALREADY.

All you need to say is "I'm letting you off the hook." If you really are good and done with the friendship, why bother with a laundry list?

(Photo by Guillaume Lechat via because i'm addicted via Studded Hearts)

Blog of the Week(ish): 3 DOLLARS

I am generally not a fan of cute bloggers who post a kajillion cute photos of themselves in cute outfits. Actually, I kind of enjoy making fun of them.

But. This woman is cool as fuck. (I mean, look how she rocks that thrift-store jacket.)

I keep clicking over to 3 DOLLARS even when I know there are no new posts. That is how much I am digging her blog.

If he blocked me on Facebook, do I still have to invite him to my wedding?

Dear ESB,

I have this friend who I have known over a decade. He and I have had a strange, and maybe strained, friendship for awhile now. We worked on a few projects together. He and I have really different management styles, and we often got frustrated with each other. Then he quit the project to do another, better job.

I recently found out he’s blocked me on a bunch of social media platforms. He also didn’t invite me to his birthday party (which I’ve been invited to for the past few years), and some other things our mutual friends were invited to. This is all something I probably wouldn’t have noticed, at least for awhile, except that we do have the same friends. I’m sort of taken aback, and my feelings are strangely hurt, even though these seem like immature, highschoolish things to be hurt over. Especially since we are both in our 30s. There was never a big blow out; I had actually thought things were fine, and would get better once we weren’t working together.

So, here’s the thing. He and his wife (who I like very much, but rarely see) are on our guest list, and they received the Save the Date two months ago. Do I still go ahead and send them a formal invitation? I feel like that’s the adult, civilized thing to do.

But the immature part of me feels like, since he’s stopped inviting me to his parties, I shouldn’t invite him to my party. Oof. Put some adult sense into me, please.

- A child

*****

Be the bigger man. Send an invite to the f*cker.

Maybe you'll get lucky and his wife will show without him.

Photo by Gordon Ball

Admire the hotness

Hot-ness.

From Pierrepont Hicks's Spring Lookbook.  
______________________________
Yes, PPH is one of my rad new sponsors. No, they did not pay me for this post.

Should we give plus-ones to our friends who just split?

Hi ESB-

Some good friends of ours recently broke up after years as a couple. We still want to invite both of them to our wedding. They are trying to remain friends, since the break-up had nothing to do with infidelity or anything at all scandalous. Keep in mind we are having a small wedding (50 guests max) so it's not like they will be able to avoid each other if they both come.

Is it a good idea to invite them? And should we give them plus-ones? I feel like it could be even more awkward if, say, one of them brings a date and the other doesn't, or if one brings a superhot date, and the other brings a friend. You know what I mean?

Thanks for any help.

*****

Obviously you should invite them. (HELLO?)

And if everybody else gets a plus-one, they should get plus-ones too. Don't treat the poor wretches any differently from anyone else.

Isabel Marant 2007 via... whoopsy, guess I blew this one.

Heather gets married in Carmel-by-the-Sea

Remember "Heather"?

First she couldn't decide whether to get married in NYC or California. And then she wrote in because people kept giving her unsolicited advice about the wedding night.

Whelp, she did it. She got married in Carmel-by-the-Sea. (With the fabulous Feather Love snapping photos.)

Heather's name is actually Angela. And she just got back to us with this report:

i am VERY glad i got married in california. i mean, carmel-by-the-sea is the epitome of california with its forests and ocean views. having a wedding in nyc would have been so ridick.

wedding night went fine. no sexy times since we were so damn tired, but we had that awesome house for a week, so there were definitely sexy times then. :p absolutely no regrets of fam being there. they all left the monday morning after the wedding anyway.

(Check out Feather Love and Spun Sugar Suite for more photos)

A lady proposes

Dear ESB-

My partner and I have a deal that I have to be the one to propose. (When he brought it up the first time, he claims I almost fell off a bar stool trying to get away. I think this is an exaggeration.) We've looked at rings already and I decided I only want to wear a single band in the long term, probably one of these.

But I'd like to have something with which to propose. I'm not a diamond solitaire kind of girl, so I've been looking mostly at non-wedding jewelry. I liked the idea of the dior oui ring, but it is a little too expensive for what is essentially a placeholder. My partner has an incredible sense of style so I want it to be awesome... sleek, modern, and awesome. Any ideas?

*****

Wait. If you're the one doing the proposing, shouldn't you be picking out a ring for HIM??






(That said, my old favorite melting love ring has the oui ring beat by a mile. Maybe you should get his + hers.)

p.s. happy valentine's, you guys.

omg, you guys

i am pooped.

this week i spent six 13-hour days working on a movie,* and i've got six more days to go. so i'm coding my little brains out trying to sched posts for you guys. (purely for selfish reasons, you understand. if i didn't have your comments to read throughout the day when i duck into the bathroom to pee, i'd go beezonkers.)

Photo by Cary Tijerina
______________________________

*i'm not directing this one -- i'm script supervising, which basically means it's my job to be the obsessive-compulsive on set.

If I were to get married now...................

from Gracie of woolgathering & miscellany

If I were to get married now... I wouldn't change a whole lot.

Frankly, I'm glad I got married young and poor, otherwise I'd probably be stressing about booking The Flashdance, blog-worthy floral arrangements, and wondering if I'd get to be on ESB. It was perfectly imperfect.

That said, here are some things I would do differently now: 

1) Not wear a dress made from flammable material, rather this hot little Ann Demeulemeester number above (shoes and all).

2) Forgo the stripper satin red opera length gloves and don these white versions of my black Hermes bracelets.

3) Wear these (incredibly affordable) MiniCyn diamond-like studs. I'm very picky about jewelry and tend to wear the sh*t out of a few simple pieces. It's hard for me to add new staples, but French designer MiniCyn has somehow worked her way into the regular rotation.

4) Would've tried to spruce up the dive bar a little. Perhaps with some DIY Confetti System inspired adornments & definitely some white catholic religious candles with personalized labels.

5) Made this Digby & Iona diamond signet ring my wedding ring. It comes with wax to seal your letters with! I plan on getting it now anyway.

6) Would've had Neil Hamburger perform our marriage on stage instead of just performing stand-up at the reception.

Dear ESB: Can I combine classy and funky?

so here's my dilemma.

I want to wear some brightly colored, oversized, bordering on clunky jewelry for our upcoming june wedding.  I was looking for a very simple dress (had to seek outside help on that one too), and figured they would compliment each other.

on sunday I bought this:

(mine will be cotton, not silk, and does not have that blingy brooch at the shoulder)

I love it, and it is still very simple, but is it too much of a classy-type dress for big and bright jewelry?

(background: fashion has never been my forte. I have been known to leave the house wearing outfits that would make gay men cry. figured I'd seek outside opinion before any major faux pas are committed.)

even though the dress seems a bit formal, the wedding totally is not. it's in the mountains of new hampshire and we will be splitting our time between dancing, drinking beers, eating delicious food and playing lawn games.

I am hoping to keep the whole ensemble very casual/non-bridal like. I'm not wearing a veil, am currently on the hunt for bright yellow shoes, (which apparently also are difficult to find. I am hoping when the spring kicks in so will the colorful shoes) and am seriously thinking of hemming up the dress to mid-calf to give it that audry hepburn vintage-y feel. 

so in my mind you say "hells yeah it works! go for it!" all is right with the world and I spend the rest of the day on etsy.

but if you say "ummmmm, no." your superior fashion sense will be deferred to.

my extended family thank you in advance

*****

show me the jewelry. etsy makes me nervous.

*****

haven't set my heart on any one piece yet, but maybe something along the lines of these?

(both anthro)

or this?

(the green is my fav elva fields, but I don't think it's available anymore...) 

there were a few others that I know I have seen somewhere, though couldn't find, and etsy was taking too long to sort through, but that should give you a rough idea.

I hadn't been looking too specifically as I didn't want to fall in love with something, and then not have it work with the dress. (my way around that was going to be just buy it anyways and wear it every other day but the wedding. but then I would still be looking for the wedding, so problem still not solved).

anywho, does that help?

*****

hells yeah it works! go for it!

(But you realize nothing for sale at Anthro is actually funky, right?)

You could wear *this*

With a slip underneath, obv.

Silk lace maxi dress from Pixie Market

Wedding Dress Ambivalence (Episode #572)

Dear ESB,

I love your brutal honesty and now I need some honest advice. I am unsure about whether or not to wear this dress at my wedding.

I think it would be different and kind of cool, but I am also afraid it is too simple for a wedding and that I won't feel "special" enough. Maybe with the right accessories it would be great.

What do you think?

Could I wear some kind of veil/headpiece with this dress?

- Insecure bride

*****

No.

Shopping for a Pale Anti-Bride

Hey East Side Bride,

I need some style help! I'm a low key, not traditional but pale as hell gal putting together a not so wedding-ish wedding this spring (i.e. a morning wedding in an open space park, followed by a luncheon, only 30 of favorite people invited...no bridal party, no cake cutting, no dancing, no garter, no bouquet, no veil). I am not "a bride-y bride" by any means but for some reason the dress process is stressing me out and making me act insane! Poor UPS guy has been delivering and picking up items daily for weeks. 

For one, have I mentioned I'm pale as hell? Yes, I have Irish skin and most dresses wash me out. 2.) I can't bring myself to go to a bridal store. I've made 5 appointments at numerous places but canceled each one because the thought of a bridal store makes me nauseous. 3.) I would love something with character but is timeless...and isn't strapless. Not dissing the strapless dresses but everyone wears strapless, 4.) I don't want to spend over $500 (I know, I know). 5.) I only have a few months to find something so it would be easiest to pick off the rack rather than find something custom made. 6.) I don't want it to look too cliche bride-ish.

I know, long list for a "low-key" gal but the rest of the uneventful event is planned...the dress is just looming over my head. Any bit of style guidance would be so appreciated!

Best,
"Naked pale anti-bride"

*****

Dear NPAD,

For fair skin, what you need is an ivory or champagne, yes? No bright white.

How about this ivory Thakoon Addition?

Minus the stripper heels, pls. (Loubs are a bit much for a morning wedding.)

I also like the See By Chloé One Shoulder Dress, which is decidedly off-white.

Also styled with incredibly ugly shoes, which are giving me a nineties flashback and NOT in a good way.

Image via Charles Hall (Does he ever sleep?) via SEBASTIAN

I'VE GOT A WEDDING WRAP FOR YOU

The Upstate Wrap just in at Pour Porter

Before you say "I could make that myself," I urge you to a) source the material and b) give it a whirl. Shit's not as easy as it looks.

Live blogged from the set of a top secret indie I'm working on for the next two weeks

Attack of the Wallowing BRIDESMAID

(Brought to you by the reader with the hairy-pitted maids...)

Dear ESB,

I'm getting married this summer and my Maid of Honor is getting married this fall. We were best friends in high school and since college and post college we've remained good friends but she went to a very conservative college and I to a very progressive college. We've become adults in different ways, so to speak, but we still love each other and enjoy spending time together. She's been totally oblivious to any MOH duties (not that I really care, it's just a wedding) but her general un-interest in all things 'my wedding' has been a bit surprising to me, since she used to enjoy talking/planning these kinds of things. My wedding will be fine. She'll show up, put on her dress and smile through it all.

Enter her wedding. We live on the West Coast and our families live in the Midwest. She's decided that she wants to get married at the tiniest church in the smallest town (population 25) in the middle of nowhere 4 hours from the town we grew up in. She's never been to this church but can't imagine getting married anywhere else since she has family ties to it. Fine. She can get married where she wants, it's her deal.

Now the complicated part, I'm a wedding photographer and have already turned down three wedding inquiries for the day before and two on her wedding date. I've gotten two inquiries for the day after her wedding and I'm going to book one of them, meaning I'll have to drive two hours to an airport to catch the 6:30pm flight back home so I can shoot the wedding the next day...meaning I'll see her ceremony and about an hour of her reception and then I'll have to leave. She kind of knows the extent of this but is unwilling to change the start time of her wedding to an hour earlier.

Tickets to this tiny airport run around $500 RT. I'll probably be traveling with my husband, so $1000 for both of us.

Is it worth it?

Love,
Wallowing Bridesmaid

*****

You expect the bride to bump up the ceremony to make it more convenient for YOU to duck out early?

You realize you're being a total bitch, right??

(Photo of Tura Santana via TeenAngster)

this one's for Anon

 

(Via Duskin)

1907 Ring by Wintercheck Factory

Inspired by a wedding band that has been in Kristen Wentrcek’s family for 100+ years, the 1907 Ring has "a delicate seam across the center which allows the ring to split in half, revealing a secret engraving."

If I were to get married now...................

from Stephanie of even*cleveland

I was lucky when it came to my wedding - the weather was beautiful, everyone had fun (including me), and most importantly, it took. Nearly nine years later, I'm still crazy about the guy I married. 

It was an unconventional conventional wedding. Most of the usual elements were there - wedding party, reception and dancing, dress and veil - but slightly tweaked. I was young and stubborn and happy enough not to care what anyone thought, and it was a perfect moment. I've always liked that about weddings. They are ephemeral moments we want to so fill with love and beauty that they become permanent. That's a rare thing. When you think about it, there are very few days where you know in advance that you want to remember them forever, but a wedding is. Everyone responds to that in touching and funny ways. We pick out the things we think will make the memory and obsess over them - the right dress, the perfect flowers, charming invitations, fantastic photos - but the thing is that emotion wins in the end. It is either a happy day or it isn't. I am grateful mine was.

If I was getting married today, my wedding would be different because my life is different. It would be a much more private event - only the very nearest and dearest included, invited by handwritten note on starry cards. We'd be married somewhere in the city, very late on a winter's night. I'd wear an ivory velvet dress and blue for luck, like countless brides before, but it would be a dress I could wear year after year on anniversary fêtes (it is too sad to think of wearing something so lovely only once). I'd pair it with silvery shoes made for dancing and a fantastic coat encrusted with silver embroidery. There would be feathers in my hair and jewels in just the right amount. I would scout for the perfect perfume - something distinctive and evocative, to match the moment - and beautiful wine dark flowers.  After the ceremony, we'd sit down to a glamorous midnight supper, dance and drink champagne, and in the morning we'd jet off to St. Petersburg or Montreal or somewhere else cold and snowy, where we could have a hotel room with a fireplace and reason to stay inside. And I'd be looking forward. Weddings are only beginnings, after all. The good stuff is what comes after.

(Click here to view the product details on Polyvore.)

Introducing a new series on ESB

A week ago I got an email from one of my married readers, who was all excited about some wedding-worthy Rick Owens dresses. And I thought, how cool would it be to ask a bunch of stylish married ladies to put together wedding outfits? (Not recently married ladies, who are still in a post-wedding-planning tizzy, but real live married ladies, who don't fantasize about wedding dresses that often any more.)

So. Inspired by the "imaginary outfit" series that Stephanie does on even*cleveland, I am thrilled to introduce the "If I were to get married now..................." series.

First up is Stephanie herself. WOOT!

(Don't worry, Gracie is all ready to go for next week.)

Rick Owens Spring 2011 via Fashionologie

Speaking of leather jackets....

I dig this brown one.

Dorothea Barth Jorgensen photographed by Vanessa Jackman

(via Sara Williams)

Duskin for spring

Wouldn't this dress be perf for an outdoorsy, picnic wedding?

Available at Opening Ceremony in March.

(Photo by Jody Rogac) 

Dear ESB: I hate frills

After much stress and tantrums, I have finally found a wedding dress. I *really* didn't want a strapless dress, but that's what I've ended up with. (I love my dress). But now, because it's strapless, I need something to wear to cover my shoulders for the ceremony (non negotiable, no bare shoulders). A little jacket or something. But I kinda hate all the bolero jackets around for wedding dresses. The all seem to be frilly or lacy or have huge flowers on them. My dress is plain, modern and simple. Because that's what I like. I look stupid in anything too girly anyway.

Got any ideas?

kisses from the UK

*****

Obviously, you should wear a leather jacket.

This Alice by Temperley is a great version of the classic motorcycle jacket.

For wearing with a wedding dress, I also like the Roberta Jacket from What Goes Around Comes Around, but I can't promise they'll ship to the UK.

(Thanks are due to cevd and kidchamp, who leapt right in when I tweeted, "Where should I shop for a leather jacket?")

What should I give my Maid of Honor?

Dear ESB,

The wedding day is fast approaching, and I have most everything taken care of except for my Brides Maid gift. We are only having one person each stand with us and it is my very best friend. I want to get her something extraordinary. But, sadly I am at a loss. This is not a typical wedding and I don't want to give her a typical gift.

Any suggestions?

Cheers,
Panicked Gift Giver

*****

One of these Mociun pendants would be a cool gift. The orange silk cord makes them feel ceremonial, or talismanic.

But I don't know your friend (obv). Don't focus too hard on finding something extraordinary, and just pick out something you know she will love.

Blog of the Week(ish): Butterflyfood

I won't lie. I came for the donuts.*

But I stayed for the winter granita and the homemade peppermint patties and then this arugula/pecan/mozzarella salad with BACON just sort of sealed the deal.

No idea if Ash's recipes are any good (or if I will ever muster the energy to find out), but her photos are gorgeous.**

I suggest you waste a little time on Butterflyfood.
______________________________

*Hey, I can look at them, even if I can't eat them.

**Do Canadian bloggers have a monopoly on the gorg donut photos or what?? Also: Do we like "donut" or "doughnut"? I can never decide.

hand-painted canvas ties

Q: How amazeballs are these?

A: AMAZEBALLS!

By Partners & Spade via pretty.pretty.paper