Ivy & Aster

Lanie just sent me photos of the new Ivy & Aster dresses, which arrive in stores this week.

This one is my favorite.

(Photos by Elizabeth Messina)

glassine wedding invitations

Abby Clawson Low, proprietress of the HI + LOW blog, posted these photos of her wedding invitations on the occasion of her 8th anniversary.

As she describes it, the invite is "a French folded sheet of Evanescent glassine engraved on four different panels so that when folded, the type on the panels matches up to form one block of text." (Click on the images to enlarge.)

Dear ESB: Is my dress too costume-ish?

I have a bit of a sinking feeling sending this along, but give it to me straight.

I recently picked up this dress as a potential wedding gown; it's from 1910, is in incredible condition and fits perfectly. Given that I'm going for a vintage/DIY wedding vibe, I was thinking that with some hip accessories I could pull it off.

That said, I'm starting to have doubts. What do you think: too costume-ish? And if not, any hair/jewelry/veil suggestions to bring it into this century?

*****

My brutal honesty got me in trouble last time. Fortunately, I think your dress is gorg.

Why don't you wear one big barrette a la Rodarte? (Helllooo, do you even read this blog?)

it's been way too long since we had a hairless cat up in this piece.

via yimmy's yayo

(live blogged from the set of a really bad short film i have no idea how i got involved with.)

Should I JUST KNOW when I put it on?

Dear ESB,

I am having a hard time narrowing down the dress. I've tried on several and really like, love several. People keep telling me "you'll just KNOW when you put it on." The thing is, I don't. 

I don't want to keep dragging friends and family around with me for various opinions. Should I just buy one of the ones I already love or keep hoping there will be a moment where doves fly outta the dressing room and I JUST KNOW?

*****

The whole "you'll just KNOW" thing was fabricated by the ladies of Kleinfeld.

The saleswomen* put the BTB in their top pick -- at the top of her budget -- first. She just knows because the dress looks great on her, and it's the first time she sees herself as a bride. Swoon.

But it didn't happen like this for you. (Or you didn't fall for it.) Now the more dresses you try on, the more confused you're going to get.

Stop.

Go back and put on the top three you already love, get a friend to take photos, and just PICK ONE.

(Image via Charles Hall -- that man Pinterests up a STORM -- via Fleet Ilya)
______________________________

*And man, there's one man.

What's Catholic church appropriate but Santa Fe awesome?

Dear ESB,

I'm sorry it seems you've become a personal shopper, BUT you/your readers are doing such a great job at it... here's one more cry for help.

We've recently scrapped the Big Traditional East Coast Wedding in favor of escaping to Santa Fe, NM (where we met). Think historic Catholic church ceremony followed by tapas, margaritas, and a big beautiful vegan cake. Just us and our wonderful/crazy immediate family (25 people total).

What do I wear that is Catholic church appropriate but also Santa Fe awesome? 

Note: no Mexican-esque floral embroidery, please.

*****

I have no idea if it's Catholic church appropriate, but I'm pretty sure this Ralph Lauren is SANTA FE AWESOME.

Please note: The good people of Bergdorf Goodman "kindly insist you wear it with a belt, preferably woven or distressed, so the exaggerated design doesn't overpower your frame."

May I suggest something in... turquoise?

(First photo by Monica Nannini)

bubble necklace

By Tina Frey via 2 or 3 things i know

Who needs pearls indeed.

Who says a tuxedo has to be uptight?

Not The Flashdance. Check out THOSE SHOES.

Photos by Feather Love from the Rue Magazine holiday shoot + layout by Bri Emery

(Also pictured: the adorbs Kelly Harris from bash, please and The Shark Pig, who looks pretty damn sharp in a white dinner jacket)

Zopf* braided ring

The "casting skin" becomes polished over time, so each ring develops a unique patina.

By VerenaSchreppel, with thanks to Michelle for the tip!

(Michelle was tenacious. First she sent me a link to this ring, which, NO.)
______________________________

*Like the bread.

How can we entertain the kids?

Dear ESB,

We're getting married in June in Brooklyn - about 50 peeps, lovely restaurant with a small garden to ourselves. We're wondering about the kids: there'll be 6 (our nieces and nephews, 2 girls/4 boys) aged 5-12 and we're worried about how to keep them entertained for the 9-odd hours. Mine haven't met his before (I'm from the other side of the world). We don't want them getting bored, bugging their parents, who won't be able to enjoy themselves or decide to go home. We're concerned because we've seen this happen over and over again at other gatherings. The kids are very savvy and have every sort of Wii/iPod/insert gadget which I don't want them playing with at the wedding. They're not brats, we adore them, but would you have any ideas on how we can keep them busy and having fun? There'll be dancing and a photobooth which should help.

Appreciate your wise words and those of your readers!

Cheers from Sydney

PS Not a fan of bridal parties so none of them are flowergirls or that sort of thing.

*****

Mkay. You want the kids to have a good time, but you're planning to take away their toys??*

I say set up a Wii ROOM, and hire a really fun babysitter who will keep them out of their parents' hair.

(Image via YIMMY'S YAYO)
______________________________

*No boy in the history of weddings has ever gone out on the dance floor.

Should I take my husband's name?

Dear ESB,

Did you take H's last name when you got married? I'm batting the idea around but the modern I-can-take-care-of-my-own-damn-self woman in me is cringing at the thought (and the paperwork!).

Here's the thing though, my parents are divorced and my father is remarried so there's a Mrs. My Last Name that's not my mother. I'm not crazy about my step-mom (probably because she is crazy) and after the remarriage my dad and I have had on-again-off-again relationship. So keep my last name and all that is associated with it? Hyphenate it (ugh) or have both last names? Or change it and be done with it? I guess I could always drop the last name and only go by my first name but I can foresee problems with TSA.

I'm not hell bent on having kids but if I did get knocked up I would want them to have my fiance's last name (which is very German and has six consonant in a row).

Any advice from you or your lovely readers would be much appreciated.

*****

I did not take H's name. Didn't even consider it. Frankly, it amazes me that so many women continue to buy into such a neolithic tradition.

It's YOUR NAME. Who gives a shit if your dad and your stepmom are using it too?

As far as kids go, I will tell you this: I grew up with a different last name from my mom and it mattered not one bit. She's still my mom.

(Correction: *Raquel Zimmerman* photographed by Ezra Petronio. Get it together, self service magazine.)

Dude, you should get married in this.

Limited edition nautical bow tie made from vintage fabric. 

(By Pierrepont Hicks, obv.)

Whoa. A Rodarte PAPER DOLL?

Rocking the barrette? I can't resist posting her too.

I might even cut her out and play with her.

From the current issue of Lula Magazine, once again via Nibs

HOLD THE PHONE

F*ck feathers and flowers and glitter mini burlesque crowns. Barrettes are the next big thing in bridal headgear.

Here's a how-to.

Rodarte, Spring 2011 via Nibs

Advice needed from Paris!

Dear ESB,

My fiance and I live in Paris but are getting married in a little village in South-West France near Bordeaux in June. We have found a venue for the party which also offers accommodation, so our guests can stay there, at the teeny cost of 10 euros a night per person.

We were about to send instructions to everyone on how to book their accommodation etc, when my father suggested that maybe we should consider footing the bill for the guests' accommodations. Given how cheap it is, we hadn't really thought about that at all, and the idea of spending 1000 euros on this (when we could spend it on champagne!), doesn't sound so exciting, especially as we are trying to keep the whole thing "low-cost."

My father also thinks that it would "look better" if we paid for it all. Personally we think our friends don't really mind paying for their stay and are coming to the wedding anyway. What do you think? Are our friends secretly hating us because we are making them spend more money than required?

What's the etiquette on this?

Merci so much,
[Sexy French Name]

*****

At the very least, you should shell out the 10 euros each for the members of your bridal party. Come on, it's TEN EUROS.

But it would be very very classy if you paid for everyone. (It would also prevent the cheapskates from cutting out early to drive back to Paris.)

Image via TOBACCO&LEATHER

Wide leg jeans are back. Again.

Bras are optional?

(Jessica Miller as Jane Birkin, photographed by Peter Lindbergh for Vogue Paris, March 2007, via Wildfox Couture)

On "stealing thunder"

Dear ESB –

My boyfriend of seven years wants to get married. He has wanted this for a while. I’m on the fence mainly because I want to have a big party and right now we don’t have the time/money. He really wants to get married right now and would do it at city hall tomorrow. I’m thinking about proposing to him, which would be a huge surprise, and do a secret wedding on our anniversary on May 9th.

The problem… my cousin is getting married and having a big wedding in June. Would it be a dick move to get married before her? Would it steal her thunder? Thoughts??

*****

Who gives a shit? DO IT.

(Image via Clara Spencer-Phillips via Wildfox Couture)

In case you need a goat.

bigBANG just came into some pretty spectacular ones.

A dress to get you through 3+ weddings

Dear ESB,

So, the weddings for next year are starting to pile up (I already have two booked for September?!!) and I need some help with what to wear. I figure, you're an impeccably stylish lady, perhaps you could lend a hand? 

As of right now I have shindigs in Mexico in April (in a town square though, not on the beach - thankgodicanwearheels!), at an old mill in New Jersey in early September and at the Chinese Gardens in Portland at the end of September. 

I need to find a dress that will get me through (ideally) more than one of them, so it has to be something that can be layered well. Also, I'm broke after all those plane tickets, so nothing crazy expensive. I am in LOVE with this [the link is broken but it went to a Marimekko dress in a FABULOUS PRINT if I remember correctly] but it seems to be sold out and can't even be ordered from Finland. Any suggestions? Thanks!!

*****

Would $280 be considered crazy expensive? I really want to recommend the star-print silk mini dress by Adam (above left) because, um, I'll get a commission. And is it not totally versatile?

But I also dig the sketched feathers dress from Madewell in silk crinkle chiffon (above right), which is a little more reasonable at $145.

Another one?!

Dear ESB: What do I wear on my head that doesn't make me look like a tool?

I bought my dress from David's Bridal. (Don't judge me, they're cheap as hell and convenient)

What can I wear on my head that's not a birdcage or a fingertip. Preferably badass or sassy.

*****

I'm at a loss. It has nothing to do with my hatred of David's Bridal, but it may be related to my hatred of the word "sassy."

HELP, YOU GUYS.

(Photo of Bella Barber by Brooke Coffey via Charles Hall via Fashion Gone Rogue)

Giveaway: Catbird candle

**now closed**

I never do giveaways. Okay, almost never. I only ever give away things that I would want.

The Catbird candle comes in six scents, including Campfire (woodsmoke, saddle leather & honey) and Tarot Deck (incense, turkish rose & pencil shavings). PENCIL SHAVINGS.

Head over to the Catbird blog and read about all six, then come back and leave a comment (with your email address) telling me which one sounds most enticing to you. The winner, to be chosen at random a week from today, will receive a large candle in the scent of her choice.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

I have connections, people.

______________________________

p.s. May I just also say that I'm so stoked these are available in a travel size? No honeymooner should leave home without a travel candle or two.

**Random.org has spoken. Kristy (#78) wins the candle! Now she has to decide which one she wants.**

What sort of veil goes with a VERA WANG?

Dear ESB,

Here it is - I'm quite nervous showing it to you! I think of it as my modern Henry James number. I'd love if your readers could help me with veil ideas - the asymmetrical bustline (I needed a little weird in my dress) is sort of throwing me off. I potentially do want a veil that covers my face, as I am shy and am scared about walking down the aisle. I think a little cocoon will help soothe my nerves. I think that the veil should match the color of the dress, but I'm open. My seamstress can make a veil, so long as I provide fabric and photos, or I can go elsewhere. The color is slightly more saturated than the runway photos, and my hair is black so the effect isn't so monochromatic, though I am as pale as it gets. Here's a link to another lady wearing it.

Eek- so excited to see what everyone comes up with! I'm designing my invitations this week, and we just booked our honeymoon- April in Paris. We're getting married at the Metropolitan Building, which is a venue I can best describe as falling down the rabbit hole.

*****

I can't believe I'm saying this. But.






I'm feeling a birdcage. A wisp of a thing, like this one by Twigs & Honey. (I bet you can find tulle in blush pink for your seamstress.)

A long veil, I fear, would diminish the impact of the dress.

Ladies? Thoughts? She actually didn't ask for my opinion.

My (second) cousin is a pain in the ass

Hiya,

Sooo, having a bit of an ass-pain issue with a cousin (well, second cousin. Who I hadn't met until November.) She moved across the country to my radtastic little town after breaking up with her dude of 7 years. And she moved out here with a different dude. They lived in my house until the day Cousin decided she didn't want to be with new dude and split, leaving new dude as our roommate (and he rocks. Seriously.) Then we all found out through the grapevine that old dude was moving to town to get back together with Cousin. Yadda yadda yadda ... he's in town for at least 3 weeks before I meet him, but the whole time Cousin is talking about how much fun her and old dude are going to have at my Hawaii wedding.

Wait, hold the phone ... what? She didn't ask me. Just told me. At first new dude/Roommate wasn't comfortable with this. Understandably. Now he's saying he'll be there regardless. I tried to talk to her the other night about how I wasn't comfortable that she just assumed, but if she and old dude could attend with Roommate also in attendance and not have issues, that'd be great. She flipped out, burst into tears in the middle of the bar and started accusing me of judging old dude. Um, no. I'm just trying to make sure everyone plays nice, and also convey that it was a pretty shit situation for me to be in in the first place.

Now she's not coming at all and I feel like an asshole. But I also had to stand up for myself. Was that so wrong?

Thanks.
Possibly sucking at life.

*****

Dear PSAL,

You are not an asshole, but you did sorta choose sides here. You had to.

Now stop feeling guilty and move on to more important things, like WHAT ARE YOU WEARING TO THE REHEARSAL DINNER?

xoxo,
ESB

(Image via Party Tights)

I've gone over to the dark side.

You guys, after almost three years proudly flying the ad-free owl,* I just put up an ad.

I figure, if I'm recommending dresses from net-a-porter, and you're recommending dresses from net-a-porter, I might as well get a little goddam money from net-a-porter.

But I do feel pretty conflicted about this. I mean, they're not even an "indie" business. Do I need to change my header now?? I could go with something like, "snarky wedding planning advice and also… shopping!"

Actually, that would be a lot more accurate.

(Image via Charles Hall via WILLIAMYAN)

______________________________

*Was I at any point a self-righteous dick about my ad-free status? My apologies.

Help! How can we scare away the kids?

Hey Lady,

I need your help if you have the time. My future husband and I are not interested in having kids at the wedding, but there are over 30 kids from 0-18 in or combined families. The thing that makes this tricky is that my entire family lives on the other side of the country and every aunt or uncle has at least one under 4 year old that can't be left at home. I know that we can't afford the nanny fees for 32 kids, but, I would hate to ask my entire family to fly to our wedding and then figure out something to do with their kids.

Is there some alternative solution that I can offer to our invitees in order to encourage grown-up guests but discourage the under 18 crowd?

--Kids are expensive

****

Let me get this straight.

You don't want kids at your wedding, but you "would hate to ask" your aunts and uncles not to bring their kids?

Why don't you tell them you're doing an S&M themed reception? Then maybe they'll choose to leave the kids at home.

(Photo by Julie Blackmon via Bliss)

here's a ring for you!

A deeply non-hippie crystal ring.

By Low Luv x Erin Wasson via mrs. french

What do I wear to get married on the roof?

Dear ESB,

You may remember me from my record-breakingly long request for advice a few months ago (Should I scrap my lovely summer wedding for the sake of my sanity?). I am sure that it will come as no surprise that in the end, after continuing with the planning of our seemingly doomed summer wedding, the shit finally hit the fan. My fiance's mother and I had a bit of a blow up at Christmas over some "wedding co-ordination issues," which then led to both his parent's expressing how they think we are royally fucking up our lives if we don't fill them in on every last detail of our life/wedding plans (okay, maybe I am over-exaggerating a bit, but some of the things they said could honestly be construed that way). It became glaringly obvious to both my fiance and myself that we didn't even want what was being planned - especially if it was going to create so much drama. No deposits had been made to vendors, no invitations had been sent out - the signs abounded that this was the time for us to seize our wedding and do things our way. Admittedly, when we expressed our desire to cancel the summer wedding it didn't go over so well. His mom was very upset and lamented that it must be all her fault for "ruining our day." I think his dad is happy we aren't going to eliminate his chances at an earlier retirement, though.

I must say that it was a hard pill to swallow, celebrating New Years under the gloom of the aforementioned fight knowing that we had originally wanted to have our wedding that day. But, onwards and upwards! We have decided to host a very intimate wedding this September at our own apartment which is on the other side of the country and on our own turf. Money (and my sanity) will be saved and, once we convince his mother that this wedding truly will be a better and happier event, I am confident that a crisis will have been averted.

All that being said - I now need to change my whole approach to my dress! The ceremony will be held on our roof-top deck and then we will move the party to a restaurant. We live in a very metropolitan city and so I would like to play off the city's hip sophistication, mixed in with my own minimalist leanings. I was thinking of something short and relatively fashion forward, but still comfortable, so that I can show off killer shoes. I would be so grateful if you could send some suggestions my way.

Many thanks for hearing me out for a second time.

All the best,
Me, Again.

*****

This belted ruched dress by Doo.Ri is hot.

But only if you have a nice ass. Be brutally honest with yourself, or get a second opinion if you need one.

Do you have a nice ass?

Via Refinery29's semi-annual alterna-wedding-gown round-up (They found some some good ones, even if they do count a J. Crew dress as "alternative." Um. As soon as you open a BRIDAL SALON, you cease to be an alternative to bridal salons. Mkay?)

First image via Anna of green gable

(delicate) alternative to a diamond ring

From Urban Revisions

According to the description, "Glass jewelry is strong, though one should always wear with care." Mkay.

Via FrenchByDesign

I'm thinking I ought to print this out and leave it on H's keyboard to find when he wakes up.

He's back on his weirdo work til 6am sleep til 1pm sched, while I am diligently trying to get to bed by 11 or 12 so I can be sitting at my computer, coffee in hand, by 9am. Needless to say, there's not a lot of overlap, you know, in bed. Our quality time is spent eating dinner together and watching cable! glorious cable!

Actually, I should probably rewrite the note so it reads: "HOW ABOUT: TODAY WE MAKE OUT."

Via Duskin, who not only makes terrific pants, but also has an eye for the hilarious

I think you should get married in these

Repetto Zizi via Jeana Sohn (who always has impeccable taste in shoes)

Sean Lennon + Charlotte Kemp Muhl

I'm digging this photo shoot by Alex Freund.

It brings me back to the day when I was a wee slip of a blogger and I posted this photo of Sean. I mistook him for Julian, because what did I know?

(Via DESIGNLOVEFEST)

do you pinterest?

It's kind of like tumblr meets twitter meets del.icio.us. I am WAY INTO IT. (As if I needed another time suck.)

I realize I don't post much in the way of wedding decor on the blog anymore -- maybe I ought to change that? -- but I've been pinning some wedding-y decor, as well as rings rings rings (obv), antlers, and the occasional photo of David Bowie.

You can check out my pins here.

p.s. Thanks to Alyson for for inspiring this post.

g'morning

 

Did I mention I'm drinking coffee again?

I finally dragged my ass to see a neurologist, and she put me on a new regimen for my headaches. High doses of Magnesium + Vitamin B2, plus a new drug that really seems to be working but offers a wee bit of drowsiness as a side effect.*  Obviously I had to reintroduce the one cup of coffee in the morning.

I wish I could say that coffee has enabled me to write the BRILLIANT ENDING of my script, but I'm not there yet. Maybe if I keep mentioning it here you all will hold me accountable? Either that or you'll get really bored really fast.

Anyhoo. There's a new Dear ESB up on 100 Layer Cake today, on the scandalous topic of attire for the mother of the bride.

(Image via emmas designblogg)
______________________________

*Mom, if you're reading this, I apologize for not updating you. Whoopsy.

How much should we spend on wedding bands?

Dear ESB,

My beau and I are getting married in Sept and we've decided to bypass the whole big engagement ring bling. I'm not much of a jewelry girl anyway, and we've been living together for three years so our engagement was a series of honest, straight-up conversations about getting married, rather than a surprise, down-on-one-knee, huge rock hooplah. We also think that there is so much more we could drop a few grand on than a fancy ring (like more travelling!)

We would like to get wedding bands though, for the ceremony and also because it would be nice to have some sort of signifier of our marriage. As you probably guessed, we don't want to drop a ton of money, but would like something that will last, won't discolour or break, pass down to our kids etc. What type of metal should we be looking for? How do we know if its good quality? In what price range? A few hundred dollars each, or is that unreasonable?

*****

Gold is the stuff that heirlooms are made of.

Depending on the size and width of the ring, and the type of gold you choose, you can expect to pay anywhere from $198 (for Satomi Kawakita's thin band, which I love) to $1200 (for Sarah Perlis's 8mm wide square hammered band).

Silver is a lot cheaper, but it tarnishes easily and won't hold up to years of wear.

And let's not even discuss the ugly/uber hard metals like titanium and tungsten. (This comment thread haunts me.)

*Edit: Lauren just busted me. Though platinum is heavier than gold (and almost twice as expensive), apparently it is more "bendable."*

**Also, I feel like a jerk for not mentioning the vintage option. If you go with vintage bands, you could get away with spending less than a few hundred each. There are a kajillion bands for sale on etsy and ebay. Or, even better, start digging at local antique shops. (Thanks, Celia! And everyone. You guys are the coolest.)**

On spending less in 2011

My brilliant idea for budgeting this year is to SPEND LESS MONEY. The alternative, EARN MORE MONEY, has its appeal, but H and I are both too pigheaded (Read: Creative) to pursue full-time jobs.

So far, I have canceled my old Earthlink account ($3.95/mo) and resolved to eat more legumes.

But CABLE? Can't cut that. Cell phones with tremendous DATA PLANS? Obviously we need those. HAIRCUTS? Duh. And we only lasted a couple of months sharing a car…

(Photo by Carlotta Manaigo via TOBACCO&LEATHER)

I've got your wedding dress RIGHT HERE

Dear ESB,

My sweetie and I just got engaged and I'm over the moon with excitement. However, all it took was a few keystrokes and my excitement was challenged by the fact that there are hardly any wedding dresses with sleeves! We are thinking of having our wedding in the winter time (Chicago winter) and think that those little sleeves would come in handy for my Windy City nuptials. Help!

*****

I think this Proenza Schouler would be gorg on you.

Wait. Did you mean long sleeves?

(Via TeenAngster)

Am I being over-sensitive?

Dear ESB,

My parents divorced centuries ago, and my dad has been in a relationship with a woman in another country for a few years now. Right after our wedding at the end of february he is packing up and moving overseas to live with her. We have met his new partner a couple of times, the most recent being at my uncle's 50th birthday party, which she flew in for. On this trip she was being (almost over-the-top) nice to us, and clearly trying to make a good impression.

So imagine my surprise when I found out she wasn't planning to come to our wedding!! The first reason my dad gave was that she couldn't get time off work. Not buying this. She lives a 3 hour flight away, the wedding is Saturday afternoon. Completely feasible to do without taking time off. Then he said she wasn't comfortable around people she doesn't know. I think this is closer to the truth, but REALLY? She managed for my uncle's birthday!!

I feel quite offended about this, as does my fiance. My father is packing up his life and moving to another country for her (for the record I have no issues with this, and am glad he has found someone who makes him happy). Surely the least she could do is come to his daughter's wedding, especially as I know that he would like her to come.

My fiance really wants to tell her "if you don't come we will take that as an indication that you don't want any part of our lives and you won't be welcome in the future"

Is this too extreme? Is there any way that we could get her to come?

*****

My guess is that your dad's lady is not prepared to meet your mother (I.E. your dad's ex-wife).

You can tell her "It would mean a lot to us if you came." But giving her an ultimatum is WAY TOO EXTREME.

It's just a wedding. Srsly.

(Image via Laurel Thompson)

Are we total jagoffs?

Dear ESB,

A young man of my and my fiance's acquaintance, who is part of a larger group of friends, moved away some time ago. We were relieved, as this meant, we decided, that we could leave him off the invitation list. He's not our favorite person, and we haven't seen or heard from him in many months, now.

He recently emailed saying that a friend of ours had mentioned our wedding date and asking for some clarity so that he could make plans. Are we total jagoffs who deserve to be outcast from all good society? Should we just invite the guy and smile nicely, or can we say something like, sorry, dude, due to the size of my crazy family, we've had to limit friends (which is only partially true, as we are inviting several out of town friends, who he knows).

Help please.

Sincerely,
Unappreciative of Free Love, I Guess.

*****

Dear UFLIG,

You haven't heard from him in months, and suddenly he's emailing you to get the dets on the free booze? Fuck that. 

You should only ever invite your favorite people to your wedding.

XOXO,
ESB

(Photo by Rosie Hardy via Charles Hall)