Dear ESB –
My fiancé and I have had little to no issues while beginning our wedding planning. We’ve picked a lovely old house that has been turned into a restaurant for our wedding and reception. We’ve rented the whole place which has separate rooms for dining and dancing, and a little courtyard where we will have our ceremony. It will have a very low-key house party feel which we are so excited about. I’m wearing an ivory gown and a birdcage veil for the ceremony – I’ll be switching to a flower in my low chignon halfway through pictures and for the reception. My bridesmaids are wearing knee length cocktail dresses in pewter (with pockets!)- Something they all love and can wear again. To bring this all together, I fell in love with the idea of the guys in black suits with fedoras. The groomsmen would have pewter vests and to separate ourselves, my fiancé would have a cranberry vest to match the fun cranberry shoes I’ll be rocking under my dress. To my surprise, my fiancé has recently been expressing a desire to wear a top hat and coat tails – possibly with a cane! All I could envision is him whistling into a little flute and somersaulting down the aisle like Willy Wonka. I am having a hard time not viewing this top hat ensemble as something a little over the top for what would otherwise be a not black-tie event. Have you seen any recent pictures of grooms in top hats where they don’t look silly? Should I just embrace this newfound classiness in him and let him rock it despite what I had originally envisioned? Or is it too much?
*****
I think you know what to do.
Ix-nay the op-tay at-hay.
Agreed. My husband wanted a top hat as well...in theory. Until he actually put on the aforementioned top hat and saw how silly he looked. Let him at it, he'll self select negatory.
ReplyDeleteA nice suit and fedora will do.
ReplyDeleteNO top hat.
NO coat-tails.
and NO cane.
...unless he's auditioning for a Snoop Dogg video after your ceremony, i.e. "Lay Low."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph35D0OpPcY
No cane! This sounds like something he will regret, like the time my Mom tried to talk me out of wearing red shoes and red tights with my red prom dress. She succeeded. Thank goodness.
ReplyDeleteVictoria
http://diva-in-distress.blogspot.com
I could. not. stop. laughing. when I read the part about the cane. It is a big fat nononono unless needed for medical reasons of course.
ReplyDeletegod help you
ReplyDeletefrankly, i'm having a hard time with the multiple fedoras as well. a single guy might pull one off; a group would, like, help rough up batman and robin in 1964.
ReplyDeleteSo agree on the hat thing. Matching fedoras? Eeek.
ReplyDeleteyou should probably just tell him you'll be wearing the same thing.
ReplyDelete@lauren:
ReplyDeletea group would, like, help rough up batman and robin in 1964.
hahaha! I have the best mental image of a gang of groomsmen going after old school Batman & Robin. Batman would say something like, "Wed this!" and then the big "POW!" caption would flash across the screen.
All of which is to say: I vote no on canes, top hats, fedoras. If he *really* wants something, tails seems like the least offensive of these options.
Yikes... I vote no cane, top hat...Um, tails too, NO.
ReplyDeleteJust show him a picture of a bunch of 17 year old boys wearing the same outfit to their senior prom. When I was in highschool I think one kid literally sawed off the leg of a table and attached a clear glass door handle on it.
ReplyDeleteagreed....men have this habit of thinking they can use their physical appearances as a joke. it's in the handlebar mustaches, the vanilla ice eyebrows, the reverse mohawks....top hats are one of those things that guys think will be fun and funny at the sacrifice of style....and badassedness. i think he'll think it was funny later if he goes through with it...but I also think that you won't...you don't want to look through your photos 10 years from now (or 1 month from then for that matter) and be miserable with how he was dressed....that's my two cents at least.
ReplyDeleteOh come on! The guy is allowed to wear what he wants to on his wedding day. How would you all feel if a groom dared to tell a bride she couldn't wear a coloured pair of shoes with her dress because it would look silly. You would all go mental and tell her to wear what she god damn likes and it's none of his business that's what! What happened to equality in wedding planning? For shame!
ReplyDeleteVery true!
ReplyDeleteAnd what happened to not taking yourself not too seriously, even on your wedding day? You're supposed to have fun on your wedding day and remember: your wedding is not a photoshoot. Why shouldn't you be able to laugh about your husband's alleged sillyness ten years from now, older, wiser and more laid back? Why should you be sad about the way he looks in the pictures and not wanna hug him for being that crazy guy? Why shouldn't he have the freedom to express himself?
my two cents from a non native speaker with an opinion though
Come on, I get that it's his day too, but the groom can express himself in a way that doesn't look lame.
ReplyDeleteI dunno about the matching fedoras either:
http://www.eastsidebride.com/2009/03/upstaged-by-groom.html
It just looks a little too costume party.
WAIT? Colored vests? Noooooo.... nooooo... not prom. Why are we not discussing this? I, quite honestly, see no problem with white tie, IF TAKEN SERIOUSLY. But if he's in white tie, the groomsman should be too, and it should be at least black tie for everyone else. Otherwise, it's just out of place dress up.
ReplyDeleteAs for the cane, just no.
how about letting him swap out his fedora for a top hat and cane while you're taking some photos between the ceremony and reception? or even for your engagement session? you could play up the period vibe or give it a Willy Wonka theme. (he's posing with his cane while you're licking a giant lollipop.)
ReplyDeleteThis is your wedding, not the Junior Prom at some North Florida high school in 1997.
ReplyDeleteNO TOP HAT.
http://stupideasy.blogspot.com/
No tails, no top hats, and no colored vests + fedoras -- all are going to feel costumey / promy at at "very low-key house party feeling" wedding.
ReplyDeleteWhatever happened to well cut suits? Then maybe bring fedoras, top hats, and canes for a few group photos or a photobooth if you or your husband are really loving the idea of dressing up a crew of boys. (I get that there aren't many opportunities for this in life unless you manage boy bands)
It's his wedding! Let him wear what he wants! Did you give him any input into your dress?
ReplyDelete(I'm a lot more worried about the coloured waistcoats than the top hat. Cranberry?)
If all the wedding party are in morning dress (tails, top hats etc) then it would be ok (and a lot of traditional weddings here in the UK are like that) but it seems odd if only the groom is rocking that look and all the others are in 'normal' suits.
ReplyDeleteIs a vest the same as a waistcoat?- it all sounds very matchy-matchy. Normally a waistcoat with morning dress would be grey, as would the jacket, with darker trousers. Anything else might look costume-y rather than traditional.
That said, if he told you the bridesmaids or you were 'too much' I suspect you would tell him to butt out... Maybe let him dress up and take a photo of him. That might tempt him into toning down the look a little.