my husband-to-be wants to veto my favorite dress because he says it looks too much like my robe (which is kinda precisely why i love it). we're getting married in central park at the end of may, and partying at a beer garden afterward. is this dress not appropriate? thoughts?
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Who cares if it's appropriate? If your H-T-B doesn't think it's smoking hot, you shouldn't get married in it.
When she finds the right dress/outfit... not only will she love it and know it, but she will have to pull HTB's jaw off the floor.
ReplyDeleteESB is right. Don't get married in something the husband thinks looks like a robe. Mine ruled out whole categories of stuff - like empire waists. I mean I had to love it, but he had to really like it.
ReplyDeleteI would normally err on the feminista side of things, but he may be right. Do you want to wear something that looks like something you wear all the time on your wedding day? (especially a robe?) Probably not.
ReplyDeleteGo balls-to-the-wall and get something that will blow your mind (and his) every time you look at your pictures. You won't regret it.
A clarification: the dress is lovely. Buy it and take it with you on your honeymoon.
ReplyDeleteYou should probably care about his opinion on your wedding day. There's a better dress out there.
ReplyDeleteI like kat's suggestion of wearing it on the honeymoon. It's pretty, but maybe your husband should love a dress as much as you do.
ReplyDeleteIf you know he doesn't like it, won't it bug you on your wedding day? It would bug me. Also I think if you're having that fun and relaxed a wedding, you should bust out for a FUN dress that says WOOO! Because you can! Seems like maybe this is a dress you could wear to other things, not so much an exciting squeeee dress? You deserve an exciting awesome, jump up and down, kind of dress.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about your HTB, but mine doesn't tell me he doesn't like something unless he REALLY doesn't like it. Normally, if he knows I love it and can deal with it, he lets it be.
ReplyDeleteHe also quickly tells me when he thinks something looks AWESOME or sexay or whatever. (Yes I'm five and still feel awkward saying the word sexy)
Wait until you find something that he'll go nuts over, because all feminism aside, you WILL care about that on the day of more than you could know now. You'll be nervous enough in something that will make his jaw drop, let alone if you know he doesn't like your getup.
Oh the bright side of life, there are a ton of cute vintage lace dresses on etsy, anthropolgie launches it's bridal collection in the spring and I would love to see this on a bride: http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/77459
ReplyDeleteI LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI ALMOST bought one of the first dresses I tried on, because I wanted to be easy on my very pregnant MOH who had come dress shopping with me...but I felt really torn about it and couldn't figure out why. So I tried on several more until I found the ONE. And I knew it was the one because I saw in my mind's eye my husband's face, looking at me in awe.
ReplyDeleteYou have plenty of time-- If you can search around a bit more and find one that you and he will both love, you will not regret it on your big day!! But for the record I think the dress you shared with us is pretty and bohemian, so it could be a perfect "special night out" dress for your honeymoon. :) Good luck!!
Pick something else, but then DON'T SHOW HIM THE DRESS. That particular tradition is a good one for exactly this reason.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with not showing him the dress. I've known plenty of husbands who were horrified by the dress when they saw it coming down the asile, and I for one didn't want that. My husband has opinions on fashion, and I wanted him to like my wedding dress, for goodness sake. He has the rest of his life to hate my dress choices ;)
ReplyDeleteI *know* ESB disagrees with me on this, but there you go.
I like the tradition of being seen in the wedding dress the first time when the bride walks down the aisle. it's THE moment, you know. I agree with ESB. If he really doesn't like it don't wear it (on your wedding day, I can really imagine this bautiful dress with brown leather accessoires in summer!)
ReplyDeletei think the scope of this is getting way too big - it doesn't really have anything to do with feminism (seriously, people. the way you look on your wedding day? DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH FEMINISM), or whether or not to have a first look. the basic principle is this: don't ask a question if you don't want an answer. if bride-to-be here didn't want her husband's $0.02 to be part of her choice, she shouldn't have roped him in. now that she has and knows that he's less than thrilled with her fave, she should move on. that would be why she asked the question in the first place, no?
ReplyDeleteI think you like the robe because it looks like your dream wedding dress. How much does your husband know about fashion? If he always has strong opinions, then maybe choose something else. But maybe you could wear the dress and it will appear different to him accessorized in a fanicer, more bridal way that he never imagined?
ReplyDeleteKeep looking.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't show your fiance.
Good luck! xo.
Ode to an uncertain bride
ReplyDeleteYou asked your husband to be.
You asked ESB.
Both said No,
let it go!
1) I think it is really likely that if you bought something that your guy didn't like, it would probably be nagging you in the back of your mind the whole day, or feeding into insecurities.
ReplyDelete2) Think about how you would feel if you thought your partner's clothing selection was "inappropriate" for your wedding. Embarrassed? Angry? Frustrated? "Uncared-for"?
3) As much as you want your husband to LIKE how you look in your dress, you also do not need to buy into any romantic notion of him loving your wedding dress. My partner honestly probably doesn't really remember my wedding dress (and we've been married for only six months... *cough*) aside from the fact that it was white, full-length (something I DIDN'T want, but gave in because it was the main thing he cared about), and showed off my breasts. I showed him pictures ahead of time and he didn't have any problems with it, but he wasn't floored by it either. Which is okay, because I really wanted him gazing at ME on our wedding day, and wasn't so worried about him looking at the dress.
how about this one? it's your dress meets wedding gown
ReplyDeleteoops http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/158927
ReplyDeleteFor those who said discounting HTB's opinion was feminist,and taking it into account was not, consider this: the traditional model would have her give input into his outfit and for him never to see hers until the day of the wedding. The mutual opinion-giving mode is nontraditional, consensus-building, and more egalitarian. What's not feminist about allowing BOTH parties getting married a say?
ReplyDeletei'm sorry, but i would never date/marry a guy who was that concerned with womens clothing. what is up with all of these women needing approval? look hot for YOU. own it.
ReplyDeleteNothing to do with feminism. But it does have a bit to do with identity. We all want a dress that reflects our personality and sense of style. This bride clearly has an idea of what side of her she wants everyone to see on her wedding day (bohemian, easy-going, not interested in a ball-gown... whatever), and maybe her HTB has other expectations. I can see how it would be a sensitive point. It would probably help to make sure they're on the same page about what kind of event it's going to be (how formal or casual). Yeah, and what ESB said.
ReplyDeleteDo 80% of women *really* have husbands that think look smoking hot in white strapless-ness? Go with what *you* love, and trust in the theory that, when they see you walk in wearing it, it'll be your own beauty, at the moment you're about to make that kind of monumental commitment, that will make any dress you love look as smoking as a forest fire.
ReplyDelete