happy halloweenz, you guys

I will not be donning the enormous pink tutu that is inexplicably hanging in my closet.

Instead, I'll be on the mixing stage til midnight finishing my movie. Well, mixing sound, which is very close to almost being the last step to finishing my movie.

Who knew it could take a year and a half complete a ten-minute short?

Anyhoo. I think you guys will dig it.* Maybe after H cuts the trailer/teaser thingee I'll put it up to show you.

(Image from Yen Magazine via Le Fashion)
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*There are Doc Martens in it, after all. And flannel shirts. And adorable girls with good hair.

Digby & Iona for Madewell

Digby & Iona, one of my very favorite jewelry designers, just did an exclusive new piece for Madewell.

It always feels a little bittersweet when one of your faves hits the big time, you know what I mean? Orla Kiely for Anthropologie and then Target. Steven Alan for Urban Outfitters. That band I used to love that suddenly everyone loves.*

Anyhoo. The necklace is rad.

(Via NOTCOUTURE)
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*I don't really keep up with bands anymore... But you know what I mean.

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TWO WEDDING DRESSES??

I'm sick and tired of seeing everyone change out of the "formal" ceremony dress into the "fun" reception dress. Fuck that shit.

Buy one kick-ass dress that looks amazing on you that you will want to wear all night. That you will never want to take off.

(Surprise Bonus: You'll only have to worry about the shoes and the hair and the jewelry for one motherfucking dress.)

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Image via YIMMY'S YAYO

W'SUP?

I've got a new guest column over on 100 Layer Cake this morning.

A bride wrote in to ask me what she should wear on her head, and I really kind of wanted to tell her to wear a massive origami paper doily thingee (See Above) but instead I've tried to give her some slightly more sensible advice.

Please go have a look see.

(Photo by Harri Peccinotti via DESIGNLOVEFEST via Erin Dudley)

will someone please get married in this?

THX.

(I'd turn it around and go with a plunging neckline, me.)

Lindsey Thornburg via Urban Outfitters

Blog of the Week(ish): TeenAngster

Okayeeeeeeeeee. I realize it's been awhile. Here's a new blog for you! And it's a good one: TeenAngster.

She's got great style (hello Pendleton chic), great taste in interiors (hello aging walls/industrial lamp chic), she has wedding thoughts that are RIGHT UP MY ALLEY, and she enjoys posting photos of dogs and cats and taxidermied ducks.  

What's not to love?

Alison is also a wildly entertaining tweeter, if you go in for that sort of thing, and she's a terrific Pinterester.

I have no idea where she finds the time.

(Photo by Tim Flach)

photographer gone AWOL

Dear ESB:
 
We hired an amazing photographer for our wedding. She came from several states away to work with us, and we were so excited to have her there. A week after the wedding, she sent us some teaser images that were awesome, with the promise of having the rest of the photos done in a week.

Fast forward to 5 weeks after the wedding, and we finally got *some* of the photos back. At this point, my MIL was beginning to frame cell phone shots, so we were very relieved to see something. The photographer explained that she was 3/4 of the way done and that we'd see the rest in 10 days. There were only 110 photos in the group she posted on her website, only two of which were of our ceremony. There were no detail shots and nothing of my large extended family. She was with us for 9 hours on the wedding day, so I know she got those shots. I emailed her back saying I was thrilled with what we had, but nervous about the things that were missing.

Well, I never heard back. So, a week later I tried again. Nothing. Another week went by and I decided to call. No answer. I left a message which went unreturned. Finally another week later I sent another email, saying I was feeling like a stalker and that I know she's busy, but to please just let us know that what's happening. In every email and in the phone message, I stressed that we were so happy with her work but just needed clarification on what we could expect next.

Nada. At this point our wedding was 2 months ago and we still don't have all of our pictures. I don't know what to do next. My husband wants to give her another few weeks and then call a lawyer. I'm not sure. She has a blog and has been updating it a couple of times a week, so I know there's nothing weird happening with her life that would cause this.

What would you do?

*****

I would write a letter. A very firm letter.

I don't think it's time to call in a lawyer just yet. Chances are something went wrong and she's scrambling to make it right. (See: this comment from Our photographer "lost" the reception pics)

But you do need to get her attention.

(Image from Vintage Diary via Laurel Thompson)

my best friend is dating a d-bag

Hi ESB,

My best friend in the entire world (former roommate, partner in crime, lady of honor at our wedding) is dating a total d-bag. Now normally, I'd just sit back and support her throughout the relationship and then secretly hope that they break up, but the problem is that I think she might be making some really awful life decisions based on him that she'll regret later and I don't want her to resent me one day for not speaking up. At the same time, I know that there's no coming between a girl wearing rose-colored glasses and the object of her affection.

So, do I say something and risk alienating her or do I let her do her own thing and pretend to be excited when she tells me they're getting a cat* and support her if and when he breaks her heart?

*Disclaimer. I love cats. But she hates them and has never referred to them as anything but "the devil". But I guess they are less satanic when you are in looooove? God, do I sound totally bitter? It's just weird when your best friend suddenly becomes the girl you've mocked throughout your friendship. I mean, who do we make fun of now?

*****

You do sound totally bitter. And you're the one who just got married?

Unless the "awful life-decisions" your friend is making are a whole lot more awful than getting a cat with the guy, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

(Image via Sara Williams)

I found your wedding dress

Actually, little winter bride found your wedding dress.

It's $145 on etsy. You should really thank her.

A forkless wedding, and showers for $$$

Dear ESB:

We are having a forkless wedding. It isn't that we have something against forks, we just don't like having to put our cocktail down to hold a plate in one hand and a fork in the other (there won't be any tables at our wedding). My bride-to-be desperately wants to cut a wedding cake ("it's tradition"). I don't want to strip her of her dream but I also want to steer clear of doling out slices of cake that require forks. I would like to have a teeny tiny mini two person cake that we can 'cut' and then serve tray passed, forkless desserts of our choice to our guests. Would this leave our guests pining for our cake (does anyone even like cake)? Or do we need to serve cupcakes (I hope not)? Or better yet do you have another option?

Another question: we are registered but only for our honeymoon (we need the assistance). Now our wonderful friends are throwing wedding showers and we have only registered for... well... $. Do we need to register for physical gifts? Are we being rude not offering options? 

*****

1. If you cut a cake, it would be rude/weird not to pass out slices. (But in my opinion there is nothing particularly special about the cake-cutting tradition, and you can tell your bride-to-be I said so.)

2. The whole point of a shower is for people to "shower" you with gifts. If you don't register, they won't know what the f*ck to give you, and you'll end up with five difficult-to-return toasters (or worse).

2a. Were you really expecting everyone to sit around in a circle and watch you open envelopes of cash?

DISCLAIMER: I did not have a bridal shower, nor, to the best of my knowledge, have I ever been to a bridal shower. All my assumptions about bridal showers are based on romantic comedies, Sex and the City, and (other) wedding blogs.

Image via Zombie Flu

Dear ESB: Should I tell my sister about her venue's sordid past?

here's the story: middle sis is getting married almost exactly a year from now. she's awesome but touchy, to put it mildly, and is extremely sensitive to drama between family members: she hates our stepmother for something that went down with our mom six years ago, for example, and our stepmother isn't invited to the wedding. a number of aunts and uncles won't be there, either, thanks to other dramas (and to the fact that sis and her fiance are paying for the wedding themselves, and it's going to be fairly intimate).

sis isn't especially wedding-y, and i thought it would take a while for her to settle on details. not so! she and fiance have already found a venue they both love and have locked in a date. here's the thing, though: unbeknownst to either of them, said venue is a former convent at which our mean aunt the former nun was cloistered. (she was kicked out of the order, which is...another story.) ANOTHER of our aunts ran away from home as a teenager and stayed at that same convent for a little while.

i find those details creepy and kind of cool, but i can imagine a sensitive someone planning to get married there could feel differently; wedlock cranks up superstition for some people. do i tell sis about her venue's past? if so, when?

*****

Tell her. NOW.

Otherwise some drunk uncle who is invited to the wedding will leak the story at the reception. (Or she'll find out ten years later, which would be even worse.)

Image via Life in Lomo

dear esb,

i have to give a graduation gift for a college graduate. i have no effing clue what to give her. she's loaded and has really expensive taste and i'm... not doing so hot in either of those areas. you know. what does a person even GIVE for a college graduation, anyway? 

*****

Get her a kick-ass card and be done with it.

(I cringe a little when I think about the money I've spent trying to impress people with money.)

Great Job Card by Sycamore Street, printed on a vintage Vandercook letterpress (whatever that is), for sale at catbird

how bout a DOUBLE FINGER wedding band?

If I were you, I'd go for it.

By Satomi Kawakita, new at catbird

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(I must again credit Jamie's hawk eye. I was fixated on Satomi Kawakita's thin band, which is gorg, but this one takes the cake.)

My parents won't give us their blessing

Dear ESB,

Never thought I would do this...but I need some help.

Very long story short:
 

My boyfriend and I have dated for 5 years. My parents have never really 100% approved. About a year ago Boy asked Parents to give their blessing. They refused. Meanwhile they told me I should break up with him. (I didn't know about the asking for blessing.) I refused and we sort of limped along trying to figure out how to make it better and make my parents feel good about the whole thing.

He asked me to marry him and I agreed- but we decided to keep things on the down low until we could figure out the parental situation. We live together and have done for 2 years.

Fast forward to recently, when Boy asked again for blessing and, again, was refused. Now he is angry and I am confused. I don't want to get married without my parents support- we are close as a family- I am the only child and have no cousins, aunts or uncles. It has also placed confusion in my head about what I want and if my choices are right.

Added to this is the financial situation, which is one of the the main reasons my parents object. (He has no money at all- in debt- and I am currently reliant on my parents as I started a business.)

I know my parents are tough people- but I can't imagine having a wedding where they were truly unhappy with my choice- and it is even harder to imagine a life built around that.

So... advice?

*****

When you say "he has no money" do you mean he doesn't "come from" money, or do you mean he doesn't have a job?

*****

I mean he doesn't come from money-- but in addition he is also very much in debt and literally has no money.

*****

Does he have a job?

*****

yes-- he owns a restaurant/food truck (more drama as his business partner has just left & he is now deeper in debt).

*****

Okay... If you were prepared to throw the wedding yourself, and forge ahead as a couple without financial help from your parents, I'd say DO IT.

But you're not.

What's the rush? Get your business off the ground. Let your guy get his business out of the hole. Once you prove that you are able to make a life together (and that this is the man you really want to be with), your parents will come around.

(Image via That Obscure Object)

in other news....

Did you know that CONFETTI SYSTEM was one of the vendors at Hitched?

I did not know. I actually thought that someone had done a really great knock-off. That's the kind of snide, cynical personal I am. (And I guess that's what I get for not showing up at the event.)

Anyhoo. If I were getting married again, I would definitely go with a sparkly pinata instead of a disco ball on the dance floor.*

I mean. Right?

(Images 2 and 3 via 100 Layer Cake)

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*Not that I actually had a disco ball.

wedding dress, anyone?

 

Cushnie et Ochs at Bergdorf Goodman

WARNING: Do not attempt unless you have an impeccable ass.

May I offer you a movie review?

The Social Network is terrific. And I'm not just saying so because I have personal and ethical issues with Facebook.

Jesse Eisenberg tears it up.* My fave performance of the year.

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*Also, he is adorable. I'll just come right out and say it: Jesse Eisenberg is the thinking girl's Michael Cera.

What kind of gloves??? Long? Short? Fingerless?

Dear ESB,

So this is my dress. (Look at the alternate view-- the main image looks crazy.) It's cream.

And after the ceremony I want to wear something that looks like this. That's not me, and that's not my fur, but I don't have a photograph and it's kind of close. It's a mink pocket stole. Light brownish grey.

The wedding is in January, and I want to wear gloves. I need your help. What kind of gloves??? Long? Short? Fingerless? I like how other people's hands look in gloves, but mine look like stumpy kid hands when I wear them. The fingers are slightly too long or they are baggy and it's the opposite of cute.

So help. Please.

*****

At what point will you be wearing the gloves? On your carriage ride to the church?

wedding necklace much?

Hand crocheted from oxidized gold vermeil by Arielle de Pinto, avail at Creatures of Comfort

(Via the always fabulous F/F)

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I'm also kind of digging this Wendy Nichol horse hair necklace, you know, for the right bride.

check me out

I've got a guest column over on 100 Layer Cake today. Sounds fancy, right?

I have to admit I'm a little intimidated to be there. So far the readers are very.... quiet.

p.s. Did I mention it's about shoes?

(Photo by Max Wanger via, um, 100 Layer Cake)

the only Mrs. X

Dear ESB, 

I need to have a serious talk with my fiance about our last names. It's definitely not as simple as it sounds. He's divorced with a child and his ex has kept his last name, mostly because it's the child's last name too. Am I wrong to ask to be the only Mrs. X? The kiddo is starting school soon and I don't want there to be two Mrs' for multiple reasons; mostly, I'm staking my claim: This is my man, my family! I'm worried he'll just shoot my request down or won't say anything to her and I'll be left in this confusing and frustrating position. How should I go about this, if at all? Am I being irrational?

Thanks in advance for any advice,
MJMA

*****

Dear MJMA (WTF does that stand for, b/t/w?),

Yes, you are being irrational. Quite irrational. And you're doing nothing to endear yourself to the first Mrs. X, who, like it or not, will be in your life for the foreseeable future since she and Mr. X have a kid together.

The way I see it, you have three choices. You can

a) Share the name. The way first and second (and third) wives have done since the advent of divorce.
b) Keep your own damn name.
or
c) Choose a new name that you and your man will both take when you get married. Rather than a confusing hyphenate, why not go with something catchy like Mr. & Mrs. Mamajama? Or Mr. & Mrs. Megajackpotmachine?

XOXO,
ESB

(Image via YIMMY'S YAYO)

suuuuuuuuuuuuckfest

I haven't been feeling like my cheerful, snarky self lately.

I decided to kick coffee while I finish my feature script, which in retrospect was maybe not the smartest plan. (Though dealing with daily, grinding headaches was not helping me out either.)*

Without that one cup of coffee waiting for me, I find I have no incentive to get out of bed in the morning and hit the computer. Srsly. It's an enormous problem.

(Image via YIMMY'S YAYO)
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*Say "Are you sure they're not caffeine headaches?" and you lose a testicle. Yes, they are caffeine headaches. Turns out I get them when I have any caffeine at all. Ever.

check this shit out

The very first bit of printed paper has gone out into the world representing Read The Printed Word.

Stack America, a terrific curatorial service that sends beautifully made independent magazines to its subscribers every other month, invited us to create a print.

What we gave them was a bookmark, or, rather, MAGMARK, that cevd designed and printed by hand on her letterpress. Because nobody wants to fold over a corner or crease a page in a magazine, especially not one that's beautifully made.

A Wes Anderson/David Bowie/combat boot-inspired wedding....

My lady Heather of One Love Photo was kind enough to send me a preview of Kaz & Dan's wedding photos.

Not sure if was the combat boots* or the taxidermy squirrel that tipped her off, but somehow she knew this one was right up my alley....

Here's how Kaz & Dan described the theme/feel of their wedding: birds, foxes, deer, deep inside a forest, pixels/ digital landscapes, haruki murakami, pina bausch, werner herzog, wes anderson, check out the photo galleries on www.witnessrelocation.org, gregory crewdson, andrij tarkovskij, alexander mcqueen, the movie sid and nancy, tarsem singh, jan saudek, david bowie, even more david bowie, post-modern fairy tales, bruce naumann, velvet goldmine, all of roxy music's album covers, juergen teller's marc jacobs ads, the john varvatos ads with like iggy pop and such, bourbon, combat boots, champagne, bob fosse.

She's a filmmaker and he runs a dance company. So. Duh.

Run, don't walk, to see the rest of the photos on One Love.

*I had a very serious dream about combat boots last night. I guess I need a new pair?

He wants to get married in his old khakis

ESB,

My fiance is dead set on wearing khakis and a navy blue blazer for our wedding. And he doesn't want to buy new ones, he just wants to wear the ones he already has..... can you whip up any magic to make this outfit a little more special? I want him to feel dressed up for his wedding. Maybe a vest underneath would help or something like that? I'm fashion challenged, especially when it comes to menswear. 

help me!!!

*****

As far as I'm concerned, khaki pants and navy blue blazers are what little boys wear to weddings. Dorky little boys.

But.... Maybe you can convince your man to branch out and buy a pair of khakis in a not-quite-khaki color. Also: SADDLE SHOES.

(Photo of Ryan Reynolds by Peggy Sirota courtesy of GQ)

he thinks a $14 meat pounder is an appropriate gift?!

dear ESB, please smack some sense into me about this:

my college-boyfriend/now-friend got married five years ago. i didn't have a job at the time, but traveled to another state to attend the wedding, and bought them a $100 coffeemaker (which at the time was more money than i was comfortable spending, but i decided to suck it up because there weren't many cheaper options on their registry). two years later he got divorced.

this summer, i got married. i invited him (we live in the same town now) and a few days later he called to say he and his girlfriend would be happy to attend. i didn't know he had a girlfriend so hadn't invited her, but after struggling with the guest list, we made room for her. now, after the wedding, i just received an email from our registry saying that they bought us a $14 meat pounder as a wedding gift. he hasn't given it to us yet, but i am kind of flabbergasted by his cheapness. i gave him a $100 gift, traveled to attend his wedding solo (i wasn't invited with a guest and didn't have a boyfriend at the time), paid more than $300 for him and a girlfriend i'd never met to attend my wedding, and he thinks a $14 meat pounder is an appropriate gift?!

i know gifts are not obligatory at weddings, and i shouldn't have any expectations about what someone should give us, but this is an employed adult in his thirties! would it be totally wrong of me to make a comment when he gives us the meat pounder? what could i possibly say? i know i must sound incredibly petty, but this really bothers me and hurts my feelings... he is an artist so even if he dashed off a drawing and gave that to us instead it would be so much better in my eyes...

any advice?
trying not to be petty but it's hard

*****

Get over it.

(This is why you should never invite your ex to your wedding.)

Photo by Alex Prager via TeenAngster