Kristina wrote something the other day that I can't stop thinking about.
Her post was mostly about how connected she feels to other mothers and mothers-to-be, but the bit that jumped out at me was this: "in some way it becomes almost harder to relate to people who aren't yet mothers."
Aren't yet mothers.
I don't plan on becoming a mother. My best lady in New York is a mom -- she's expecting her second baby at the end of July. My best lady in Vancouver is doing her damndest to get pregnant. And my best lady in Glasgow has such a great outlook on impending motherhood she almost makes me want to have twins too. Almost.
Like I said, I don't plan on becoming a mother. It's something H and I keep talking about, and we're pretty much convinced that parenthood isn't something we want to sign up for. But the idea that this decision will pull me and my friends apart makes me sad.
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Just because I don't want kids doesn't mean I can't get way into shopping for kids' clothes. I scored some fantastic Carhartt overalls at the Brooklyn Flea for Mr. S, size three-year-old.
(These vintage baby nikes await Kristina's little boy.)
I agree, lady. I want to believe that relating to people going through the same life "stuff" as us doesn't have to mean distancing ourselves from those who aren't.
ReplyDeletei know what you mean. it annoys me when women question other women, "how do you know FOR SURE that you DON'T want kids ?" or "i used to be like you, but then something 'clicked' and i wanted kids" or "i hope you change your mind before it's too late" etc ...
ReplyDeletei feel like some women KNOW IN THEIR BONES that they don't want to have children the same way that some women KNOW IN THEIR BONES that they do.
Last summer, I seriously rethought having kids. And everyone I knew said, "you're full of crap." And they were right, about me, but I feel like they would have said that about anyone. And that makes me angry, because I now get the not-wanting-kids thing in a way I didn't before.
ReplyDeleteLife is full of things that pull us as human beings apart. I went to law school, and it's hard to relate to people who didn't. I'm getting married and I find it hard to relate to my single friends. But do I still have friends who aren't in law school and who are single? Of course. It's harder, but a huge part of it is acknowledging that a baby, or a career move, or a change in geography, changes things. Once you acknowledge it, you can work around it.
So don't be sad - be proactive. Being a friend to somebody with a baby is a very different thing than being a friend to somebody without children. It takes a lot more patience and flexibility, but it can be done.
I know it's horrible to say, but I kind of get sad when my friends get pregnant and start having children, because I feel like this happens all the time. Don't get me wrong I'm super happy and excited for them, and I love buying little ones adorable toys clothes etc... but our relationship definitely takes a shift. I do get a lot of the "oh when you have kids..." which sometimes I hear as "oh when you become a proper married couple..." I don't know maybe I'm oversensitive because I've gotten a lot of hostile reactions to our declaring we don't want children.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty simple: don't feel sad about any decision pulling you and your friends apart. If you're anything like me, and I'm pretty sure you are, you have awesomely, unbelievably wonderful friends that actually manage to have a baby/adult life balance and would never judge you on making a decision to go 100% adult, nor would they feel that they can't connect with you anymore if/since you don't have mini you's running around. My most regularly scheduled quality time is with one of my very best friends, hanging with her and her kids on Friday nights and then hanging with her and her husband once they go to bed.
ReplyDeleteWe actually offer an important role in these friends' lives: offer them conversations relating to more exciting things than poop like women's rights, politics and careers (oh, and hell- fashion!), so that they aren't suddenly confused and distant from those of us who aren't "YET" mothers (EW.) when they step out of their houses.
i want to have peonies' twins. if i can't have them i don't want any.
ReplyDeletethat sort of differentiation - when we all stopped being little fetus-grownups who all looked the same in the womb and started growing claws and feathers and teeth that made us unlike one another, and maybe enemies in the wild - ripped me to shreds when i was in my twenties. i was convinced that my wonderful college roommates and i would be forced to stop loving each other the way we did.
ReplyDeletewhat gets me through now, other than a mulish refusal to not cherish my ladies as much as is humanly possible, is the thought that we're a team, not a single woman. jen's the one who stages the plays for us, i'm the one who publishes our articles, valya's the one who has the excellent babies (so far; jen might as well, though i won't). that makes us sound like a downmarket '80s cartoon cast with rings and special powers and cheesy fight songs and power animals, but...i love that, is the thing. team us.
you're the one who makes our movies.
this actually makes me mad, not sad. yes, women who are mothers TOTALLY have the right to bond over motherhood. it's normal. but women who have decided not to have children don't need one more reason to feel bad about the decision. i mean, we're already disappointing our mothers, right? and now we are losing our friends too? enough.
ReplyDeletethanks for speaking so bluntly on this. i am not sure if i want children. and i can see how this will separate me from my friends when they have children, simply because our priorities and lifestyles will be so drastically different. it's a fear of mine!
ReplyDeleteit won't pull you away from me, lady. not one little bit...
ReplyDeleteI think life is kind of like sedimentary rock - you go along, and layers build up and up. Having kids is a big layer. Looking at my friends, it the kind of thing that is so head-spinningly intense (especially at the beginning) that it is possible to feel like it is the only layer, but it isn't. The other things you have in common, separate from parenthood, can be strong enough to carry you through. And looking ahead, at my mother and her friends, raising kids becomes sort of blip in geologic time. Life is long, and good friendships evolve through many serious shifts - children, illnesses, divorces, etc.
ReplyDeleteAs a sidebar, my husband and I are in the same position as ESB on the kid issue. I used to get aggravated when people gave me the whole "you'll change your mind about having kids" spiel, but now I find it touching. After all, for many people having kids brings the profoundest joy they ever experience, and it's sort of sweet that people don't want you to miss out on that, even if they can't articulate it in a sensitive way, or see that different joys could be just as profound.
sheesh, i was just composing a very similar post!
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived in Spain, I found that life was much more conducive to mixing baby-having friends in with my decidedly single world. It can be done, but we just need to move beyond this suburban concept of parenthood to enable it.
ReplyDeleteI also feel like our relationships are bound to change when something as all-encompassing as a child comes along. Even parents who manage the balance of keeping up with their previous priorities will simply have less time for them. But it can be done. I'm still close with single girlfriends, where other girlfriends always became tools and dropped me when they found a partner. Yeah, so you won't connect on every level anymore. But, with core friends, you still respect each other and find commonalities and new ways of hanging out.
gah. children. no words.
ReplyDeletebut you can keep relationships going, even with big differences, with effort and talking and understanding and some stiff drinks. i believe this.
ack! "aren't yet..." = too much biological determinism for me. women have to be allowed other goals, and not judge each other for that.
ReplyDeletethere was a great post about being childfree by choice at Fashion for Nerds last week:
http://geekthreads.blogspot.com/2010/06/rantings-of-flakey-blogger.html
i had a friend that said that to me. it made me sad.... can't our differences bring us closer?
ReplyDeleteI think I'm one of those people who is always saying I don't want kids, but secretly deep down (VERY DEEP DOWN) I think I'll want one someday. Therefore I'm probably part of the reason people never believe you when you flat out say "I'm never having kids."
ReplyDeleteI think it just takes more work for a while to maintain those relationships. And hopefully lots of patience and understanding on the part of the non-parent while the new parent gets used to the new little person in their life. If you both feel the relationship is worth maintaining, you will do whatever you can to keep it. It will be different, but hopefully different doesn't mean bad. Plus you'll have a precious little thing to spoil and then hand back to your friend when it gets whiny or has a poopy diaper. ;)
ReplyDeleteI get the same response in my super traditional Mexican family. I don't want kids, but other people having kids is fine. I just get tired of people patting me on the head and telling me, You'll see it one day. Oh well. As long as I can look at teeny shoes like those up there and squeal, I'm good.
ReplyDeleteOh Big Stuff.
ReplyDeleteI feel that this is about friendship more than it's about motherhood. Your bestest friends are your bestest friends because there's something in their very souls that matches yours. No amount of children can take away that fact that Amanda and I use the same made up words, that only Celia understands how it feels to want to kill everyone everywhere most of the time and that I have a picture of you wearing your wedding dress back to front while most of the rest of the internet has no idea what you OR your wedding dress look like.
Sure you might not understand exactly what it's like to be awake at three am with two babies chewing on your boobs but there is room in my life for many friends and if that's what I need from a friendship then I'm sure I can find someone somewhere who is going through the same thing.
I'm glad you're not having kids cuz that means you'll spoil mine!
ReplyDeleteleave it to P to get the waterworks going. :'(
ReplyDeleteI sat on my couch last night talking with my bestie about babies (she just had #2) and weddings (10 days!) and the thing is, it could be hard for us, being in different places in our lives because it takes effort to relate to people, but we love each other. We've been friends since we were 14 - 19 years. For much of our adult lives we've been in different places; it takes work, but it's not impossible.
ReplyDeleteboo. i don't like this logic at all.
ReplyDeletethe people with whom i'm closest are single and un-preggers. and i think it can stay that way, as long as i don't suddenly feel the need to schedule everything around effing "playdates" or some shit.
This might sound stupid, but there's a SATC episode called A Woman's Right to Shoes. When I first saw it none of my friends had kids. Now I'm 30, several of my friends have had babies, and I have not. Because I don't want any yet. But in the last few years I've come to understand the great divide among women that the episode hints at. Some of my friends with kids have been great at balancing motherhood with their own personal lives. Others, not so much.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend has insinuated MANY times that there are so many things I just don't understand, because I'm not a mother. Like I'm devoid of emotion and don't get the meaning of life. It is so offensive. Many mommies need to get off the high horse and realize the rest of us have fine and wonderful lives, full of joy and meaning, despite the decision to wait or not have kids at all.
I recently underestimated my very bests by assuming that because we were not in the same place where some big life stuff was concerned, that they wouldn't be able to get what I was going through. After I managed to pull my finger out and actually speak to them properly about it, I realised that they are my very bests for a reason, which has nothing to do with marriage or babies. Sure, if/when we have kids I guess I might have something in common with some people that I didn't before, and make new friends. But my best ladies get me, and I pray to god that I'll still be me in essence, even with babies in tow.
ReplyDeleteOMG. This hit way too close to home! My BFF and I have this talk it seems weekly lately as ALL of our besties are doing the baby thing... srsly, all of them. and it has definitely caused a divide. I don't think any of us can help it.
ReplyDeleteBFF and I are both in the non-kids boat. for now. possibly adoption in 10 but even that's a big maybe... thanks for bringing this issue to light. yikes!! :/
I am soon to be wed and I really am shocked by the amount of people I barely know ask me about children and tell me that I will change my mind. Well, if that's the case, isn't it possible that I might "change my mind" about my husband?
ReplyDeleteThis is something that I've been thinking about for several years. I grew up in Utah, where if there is even any question about wanting children or thinking about the reasons people have children, you are literally demonized by your neighbors. Being an unmarried 22 year old (an old maid!), nearly all of my peers are married and most of them have at least one child. I probably will have a child or two in the future, but I don't feel as though my life hinges on that like the majority of women that I know. Every animal has babies! BFD!
ReplyDeleteTEAM US.
ReplyDeleteIf you guys ever decide you do want kids (which I'm not encouraging or insinuating that you will), take heart in the fact that you seem - albeit from your blog - like you'd make a pretty badass mom.
ReplyDeleteGrr enough with the judging! We all make life choices that feel right to us, and we should be able to do so without feeling guilty! I admire people who decide not to have kids... I mean we all have him for selfish I want a baby to love and hold reasons... and if you think you cant be there enough, or don’t want to change your life or whatever then that’s better than having them and not thinking it through properly!!! I don’t have em, I want em, I have very good friends who don’t want em, some who do, but don’t, and I have friends who have 13 year olds.
ReplyDeleteParenthood changes you but like others have said so does all the other big life things - the handful of friends who truly matter will be there forever!
I've sort of come out the other side of this (I'm the only one of my best friends with a baby), here's what I've found..
ReplyDeleteYour friends are your friends, because you chose them to be. I didn't want them to be my friends because they had kids, or wanted to get married or lived in a certain place. They would never not be my friends because of those things either. One of my besties is male, gay, and *gets* me and what I'm going through more than any other person on the planet. He will never be a Mum, but he has the greatest empathy skills ever. And despite me being a Mum, I'm still the same person I was before, and the things we love about each other are the same.
I now also have people too in my life where our only thing in common is babies, and while this is helpful sometimes, it's really not the same.
There is no-one like your best friends.
(Oh, and people who are trying to convince you/questioning why you don't want babies? They're just jealous of all the sleep you're having)
This very thing frightened the hell out of me when one of my close friends (whom i had "benchmarked" against in the whole not-pregnant state) suddenly decided that she was going to get pregnant. I went through a whole range of emotions from feeling betrayed to wondering whether it meant i should have a baby too, but in the end I just talked to her about it and we were cool. Their baby is now about nine months old and they are still the cool people that we know and love, plus an extra mini cool person. She's never once pulled that "oh you wouldn't understand as a mother" thing, and I love her deeply for it.
ReplyDeleteThat whole "not yet mothers" thing raises my hackles, too. I certainly haven't decided whether I want children, and that whole inevitability that people seem to buy into seriously freaks me out. I hate inevitable things. I hate not feeling as if i have a choice. As long as people keep giving me knowing smiles and "you'll see's," i'll probably keep resisting the mere thought of children out of sheer belligerence.
My dearest friend recently had a baby, and yes, it's changed things. But just logistical things, not the way we feel about each other. She doesn't try to make me feel like I'm missing out on some great life step, and I don't rub it in her face that I have so much free time! I think the ability to maintain a friendship depends on mutual respect for each other's choices.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I really don't understand how people feel bad for childfree folks. Don't get me wrong, babies/kids are great, but it's not an achievement to have one, though some people act like it is. I love the classic Ann Landers "The Childless Couple": http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_annlanders.html
K.O.- I grew up in Utah too, and was considering how it's such a norm to settle right down and produce children that being unmarried at 24 with no plans to have kids is a personal affront to society. Why is that your only choice, why is it you can't be a woman without a child and why is it that we continue to perpetuate this to our friends and neighbors instead of realizing that everyone's needs and wants are different, that maybe there are people who Shouldn't have children?
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I don't want kids and it's So Hard to explain to people "no I will not change my mind, no I'm pretty sure my biological clock isn't going to spur into action etc etc" it's like purposely and willingly being childless is some Great Crime against humanity. It makes people with children very uncomfortable for some reason to state out loud "I do not want babies" Our country has recently acquired a female Prime Minister she was famously called "deliberately barren" by a cabinet minister in an attempt to insult her. I mean seriously? WTF?
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends has a baby, yes the nature of our socialising has changed but the essence of our relationship has not. In saying that practically all the people I was friends with in highschool have reproduced, moved on and we don't catch up anymore.
it's not for everybody. and it won't tear you and your besties apart. it's important to have the insight about yourselves to know what is or isn't right for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm the only childless friend in a sea of almost-40 year old New Yorker mothers. Interesting times we all are learning from. I go to all their baby-related stuff and I ask tons of questions. Like a National Geographic experiment. I find it interesting, though I don't think I'll have kids. My interest in all the new crap that is going on keeps the friendships going.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right to "worry" or at the very least wonder how parenthood (or non-parenthood) might affect the various relationships in your life. It's only natural. But I also think it's impossible to predict that effect, because there are SO MANY moving parts, so many variables.
ReplyDeleteThere ARE some women who are consumed by parenthood and find it increasingly difficult to relate to their childfree friends, just like there ARE some childfree women who find it hard to relate to their friends once they become mothers. It's tempting to predict what kind of woman each and every one of us is or will be, but it's impossible to.
Chances are that at least once in your life, you WILL find yourself distanced from a friend who has become a mother. Perhaps it will be a temporary distance, perhaps not.
But chances are also that many (hopefully most!) of your friendships will sustain, and maybe even strengthen as your friends become moms.
I think much of this has to do with the nature of the friendship PRE-babies; Some are built to last, some are not. Some require tremendous effort while others are true blue. I'd say that if your friendships have weathered other major life changes, be they professional, geographic, marital, etc...the odds are that your friends becoming mothers, (or you not becoming a mother) will NOT have the effect you fear.
yea- we decided not to have kids either. we figure if we really want them later on, we'll buy one that's already made and needs parents. i always thought- KNEW- i would be a mom and be pregnant and all that. and husband and i were up and down for a long time about it because we thought we wanted it but just weren't ever ready. well homeboy is almost 35 and i just turned 33 and a few months ago we allowed ourselves to entertain the thought of choosing NOT to have kids. and i cannot even explain the relief that came with that discussion. like all of a sudden a huge stress was gone. and more importantly, life opened up so much more. there wasn't this "hammer" that keeps threatening to come down on us in a couple years anymore. we realized how many goals and dreams we had that we couldn't allow ourselves to entertain because that baby day was going to have to come so soon and i don't know any parents that can do all the stuff we want to do whilst being parents. so it was clear that we had made a decision. we already have some family members that have said "well I think you SHOULD have kids" or "that's selfish" and i could seriously go on and on in rebuttal to that. fortunately we also had the "congratulations, that's such a wise decision! i'm so proud of you" coming from my dad- which was really rad. point is, you can't expect people to understand it, just like how maybe you see your friends struggling so hard because they have a kid and then they decide to have another one- and you're like- what? why? it's hard enough as it is! so if you don't get them, it's ok if they don't get you. in my personal experience, and i have lots of friends and sisters that all have kids, everything changes in their lives and in your relationship after that. everything. you can never really have an adult conversation, uninterrupted anymore, it's impossible to talk on the phone. you have to hear about stuff you really don't give a shit about sometimes (like poo and sleeping and some dumb fucking kids tv show and how stressed out and exhausted they ALWAYS are. and you always get the insinuation that you, the childless one, could NEVER understand true exhaustion, stress, or hard work because, well, you're not a parent). now on the other hand i should say this! i think it's not just kids, it's careers too, or any big life change- i mean i am certainly not available like i used to be to hang out with friends because of my career. i'm very happy about that but life has definitely changed for me too in certain ways. fortunately i am not one of those people that sits around talking about my career to my friends all the time and boring them, in fact i never bring it up unless someone asks me about it. i just figure people aren't that interested. one would hope that parents would realize that other people just aren't that interested in so many of those details either and that it has nothing to do with not liking kids. i LOVE kids and i'm crazy about all my nephews, nieces, god kids etc... they're amazing. and, they are also enough, for us anyways.
ReplyDeleteoh and ps: one of my personal favorites:
http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/
ps: please don't get me wrong, I LOVE the kids and parents that I know- they are all very precious to me. fully and completely. but sometimes i get a little annoyed with comments like the "aren't yet", like i will never know anything about anything because i have chosen to not have my own kids, and maybe adopt later if we feel like it. someone actually made a comment above about this and i totally agree- i think i would make the best fucking parent that i know! and that's directly & indirectly related to the fact that i don't want to have kids... hard to explain- but you either get it or you don't.
@noa um, I just spent an hour on STFU, Parents. I may never recover.
ReplyDeleteThank-you Vanessa and Noa... you both couldn't have said it better. And Thank-you ESB for being brave enough to put it out there. I beat myself up about it for so long and felt really sad about losing some friends but have recently come to the realization that this is my decision and the ones that keep pushing me or disapprove of my decision might also be the ones that are least sure of their own decisions and there is not much I can do about that. So I'll be busy concentrating on the relationships that don't judge and want an "Aunty" in their life to spoil their little ones rotten. xo K
ReplyDelete@esb- i know, best shit ever. i'm ashamed to say i blew half a day on that site upon first discovery.
ReplyDelete@k- rad!
@everyone else. i realize that i forgot to mention how much i LOVE the fact that people decide to have babies, and how exciting & beautiful i think it is. i really believe that and feel that! i just think it's not for everyone, that's all.
@noa - you are me.. seriously. Right down to the "I'll just buy some later" comment which is at the same time a flippant FU and half-serious plan....
ReplyDelete@nat. it's a totally serious plan.. call it "adoption" "purchase" whatevs. end of the day it's you shelling out shitloads of money to get a kid that isn't genetically yours. my husband's parents did that (at age 55 & 68!! they adopted a little Guatemalan Mayan baby girl who is 4 now. to be dead honest, this idea is actually very appealing to us (but we don't want to be THAT old, that's kinda f'd). we feel like we would have enough time to do and explore our arts and each other and the world and everything in our lives as the inquisitive artists & best friends that we are. and then when we feel like we actually have something to give, to teach, stable finance etc- then we can take a little person who doesn't have any chances in this world, and help them out and really love them- because we didn't just have them to make our marriage better, or make us feel like we needed a legacy or wanted to make someone to love us or take our name, or we were running out of time, or whatever- we just waited til we were ready to love someone fully in that way (this is why I feel like I would be such an excellent parent! because I think THAT's how planning for a baby should be.) Also because I would be very disciplinary- none of this kids throwing fits at the grocery store bullshit, or planning your entire life around the kid- now f'ing way! kids come into OUR lives- we don't come into theirs. i really believe that! at the same time i would also be the warmest most loving supportive parent of all time). so for some reason this idea of adoption, maybe, later, resonates with us really well. and i honestly feel like we probably will do that someday. and here's the best part: IF/WHEN WE'RE READY .... right? i mean that was really the big thing for me- the stress of having to make a decision like that just because the clock is ticking. i can't explain how stressful that has been until i decided not to do it. truth is, social evolution has far preceded physical evolution. so we have to make those choices today, especially as women since we happen to be the carriers. some of us also happen to want to do other things than just mother. again, not that anything is wrong with being a mother, i'm just saying it's not for everyone.
ReplyDeletenaw, i mean, maybe for the first few years there'll be a strain, but almost all of my parent's closest lifelong friends don't have children. and the ones who do have children, we rarely did family playdates or any of that stuff when i was a kid.
ReplyDelete"It's something H and I keep talking about, and we're pretty much convinced that parenthood isn't something we want to sign up for."
ReplyDeleteSo right there with you. And it's a socially-uncomfortable place to be... It's like every parent takes this statement personally.
I feel like my friendships will inevitably change. But mea culpa, because I allowed grad school to create distance (what can I say? it was a huge time suck. but so is parenting).
This is a great post. Thank you.
ReplyDeletei personally like having friends who have different points of view, and different lifestyles. and if i do decide to have a kid someday, i hope he / she has the influence of lots of different people (not just mommy types) around. stick to it esb!
ReplyDeleteWow. Thank you for writing this. I'm sick of my friends saying "what do you want to name your kids" when they know I am not sure I want kids. Rips my heart out everytime. Can't we talk about anything except your kids? You know, life and love and travel and food and work and feelings, the stuff we talked about before kids.
ReplyDeletewow. why do women judge other women like this? as if your entire identity is now just as a mother; negating your entire existence up to that point. all of your life experiences make up your identity; not just your role as a parent. and while i am not a mother, i do plan to be someday. but i'll be damned if i EVER make such an obnoxious and alienating comment directed at my friends who aren't mothers "yet" or ever plan to be. women need to stick by each other and support each others similarities AND differences. it's what makes friendship, and life, so amazing.
ReplyDeletethank you so much for writing this.
Whoopsies! Look what happens when something comes out wrong on your blog. Great debate ensues. To be fair, I said "not yet mothers" in an attempt to be inclusive of women who don't have kids, but perhaps one day are planning to. Of course, if you don't want kids, you most certainly shouldn't have them. Most of my friends don't have babies, yet, (HAAAAA) and guess what? We're still the same level on the friend-o-meter we were before. I in no way meant that I don't like my friends because they don't "get" the whole motherhood thing. Or intended to insinuate that women MUST have children. We have PLENTY of people in this world for some ladies to take a pass.
ReplyDeleteBut the other side of that is that when you haven't slept in five months and your darling little boy refuses to take a bottle so you can't be away from him for more than a few hours at a time, let alone take a decent nap, it IS hard to relate at this moment to the life you used to have. And if you don't have kids, how could you be excepted to feel that kind of self-inflicted torture?
Not having kids is definitely not selfish. The selfish act is HAVING the kids. You're doing it for you and only you. Not your theoretical child.
Your good friends, the really really important, heart holding, mind reading sort... they will be your friends no matter what. You may lose a few bonus friends along the way because you either have the kids and have less time, or said bonus friend has kids and it's a huge pain to get together around their precious angel's napping and bedtime. But those friends are the kind that are okay to let go when life takes you in different directions anyway, kids or not.
And ESB, you will clearly be an amazing honorary aunt to your friends' babes. Probably buying them vintage Nikes and everything. And if you do decide at some point that sleep deprivation, baby vomit and yellow poop are for you, you'll get to keep the baby Nikes for yourself.
Just sayin.
Speaking as someone who has two teenagers--yes, having kids definitely puts a fork in the road. Having kids seems huge when they're infants, but trust me--the division gets wider and wider as the children grow up. The married couples I know travel more, work out more, and devote themselves more to their jobs. Meanwhile, the couples with children are freaking out over pre-school acceptances, high school grades, college acceptances, and being mother of the bride. I'll be freaking out about paying for my kids' college, and my child-free friends will be buying a second home in Tuscany--and spending months there every year. How could we not grow apart?
ReplyDelete