personality test FAIL

Ilovejezebel inspired me to take this test, and now I'm really pissed off about the results.

I may be a Guardian in that I'm trying to shepherd some of you through the wedding-planning process, but I'm no Mother Teresa. (Or Martha Stewart.) I'm an Artist, GODDAMMIT.

Hey Keirsey, you try and finish a screenplay without setting some motherfucking deadlines. Go ahead.

(Photo by unpiano via  me melodia.)

plz halp. my bridesmaid is dating a TEENAGER.

dear ESB - 

i wanted to get your advice on an...issue i'm having. i'm afraid that i'm being completely psychotic (not what i'm going for) and possibly hurting a very good friend's feelings.

said friend is one of my bridesmaids (let's call her K), and we're extremely close. she started dating someone MUCH younger who is a complete and total fucking moron. i've never seen the teenager (yes, teenager) not drunk/trying to get drunk/stealing someone's alcohol/smoking pot/trying to get everyone around him to smoke pot. besides this, he's a total dick - i've tried (as well as the rest of our girlfriends) to be nice to him, always say hello, etc. etc. and he stares at us like we have 3 heads and walks away. he's never remotely social or polite, usually screaming and being really loud and obnoxious. he's, in general, a slob. not only this, but above all, he's a complete ass to her. he's very possessive, jealous, manipulative, you get the point (reading her texts/messages, listening in on her conversations). K and I are in a very tight knit group of friends, and all of us have told her that we think she's much better off without him, but nothing seems to get through to her.

before they started dating, i told K that she was more than welcome to bring a date to the wedding. now, my fiance and i are extremely nervous about having the guy there. i've brought it up with her once before, but she kind of laughed it off, saying that "he can act like an adult when he wants to". my family, while fun and easy to be around, are not going to appreciate a drunk fool screaming during the reception (or smoking pot). i asked the same group of friends if they think i'm being ridiculous because i REALLY don't want to hurt her feelings - and all of them agreed that i'm not being nuts. they basically said that the fact that i have to worry about this is enough reason to make sure he doesn't come. they've offered to ask him to leave if he does get too rowdy, but i don't even want it to get to that point. i'm afraid that i'll be on edge and worried the entire day about what he'll do.

i just want to get someone's opinion from the outside looking in. i really care about K a lot, and we're like sisters. the last thing i want to do is hurt her feelings, but i also don't want to have to deal with this moron.

*****

Um, yeah.  This is different from yesterday's dilemma.

As long as you're prepared to lose a bridesmaid (and I think the peace of mind will be worth it), tell K that Mr. Conspicuous Pot-Smoker is not invited to the wedding.

(Another Pixie Geldof photo by Alasdair McClellan for British Vogue via Refinery29)

Should we let our friend bring a date my fiance doesn't like?

Dear ESB,

My FH and I are getting married in 10 days. A good friend of ours recently started dating one of his colleagues, a person who FH is not too fond of (he has expressed this to her). Yesterday, said friend sent a text message (YES, a TEXT) to my FH that read:

"I know you really don't like my boyfriend, but we are in love. Can I please bring him to the wedding?"

Now to complicate the situation futher, my FH made a rule from the beginning that he would not invite any colleagues to the wedding.

So at 10 days out from the wedding, we have the following problems including this extra guest:

    •    we already did the table set up
    •    FH doesn't like him
    •    FH doesn't want any colleagues there
 

BUT

We have allowed all other partners up until now.

What to do?!?

Okthanksbye

*****

LET HER BRING HER BOYFRIEND. Sheesh. 

(Pixie Geldof photo by Alasdair McLellan for British Vogue via Refinery29 via kidchamp)

Dear ESB: How can I silence my Reagan-worshipping in-laws?

I love my man. I love his family. I however, hate their politics (unbelievably conservative). It's the usual Obama is sending our country to hell in a hand basket, Hillary Clinton (whom I love and admire) is a carpetbagger etc... Whenever we are together, I find myself cowering in my seat, sipping my wine and just waiting for the subject to change. Which is really hard for me as I am very outgoing and outspoken, especially when it comes to politics (and even more so when they don't really know what they're talking about...). The family pretty much knows I come from a liberal view-point and they still say stuff that I find offensive i.e. "only smart people are conservative." I keep my mouth shut because I can just imagine a petty argument  blowing up into something worse and don't want to ruin a relatively great night.

My question is, when we have our own house am I allowed to instate a no-politics law? They LOVE talking about it and I don't want to feel like I'm running a communist household... but when I'm 5-1 in the corner I don't feel like listening to that in my own home. My fiance and I get along fine because he is rather apathetic to politics, but should I expect him to stick up for me when his family starts acting like inconsiderate idiots? What about the wedding? I am mortified just thinking about what might come up at the rehearsal dinner, etc... when his Reagan worshiping family and my liberal family come together. What do you think?

*****

"FUCK THAT" was about all I could come up with. Not very helpful. So I outsourced this one to the politically savvy, Canadian (Read: Diplomatic) Accordions and Lace.

Here's what she had to say: 

So the less conciliatory side of me wants you to email your in-laws a link to this study which correlates liberal politics with higher intelligence. Because two can play at that game. (And it is totally infuriating the way in which "liberal" and "progressive" have become dirty words in the United States, something which I find baffling and which makes me want to punch your in-laws in the nose.) But let's pretend that we're more mature than that.

In my own relationship, my husband is the one with the jerky right-wing in-laws: my parents. (Although recently, my father's responses to the financial crisis have involved him espousing essentially communist ideology, which is hilarious.) And so I've been in your partner's position, only I'm as much of a feisty progressive as he is. And I think the golden rule of dealing with in-laws that applies to all situations of conflict applies here: it falls on the partner who is related to these godforsaken people to be the one who tries to make peace. He needs to talk to them, not you. Just as I deal with my parents' offensiveness, not my husband. It would not be fair for it to fall on you.

All that he can really ask of them is that they recognize that some of what they're saying is offensive to you, and cut it out in your presence, for the sake of family harmony. This also means that you don't rile them up either. You can't change them, they can't change you, and they will probably always think you are a stupid liberal. But he can absolutely say to them, "Hey, it hurts X when you talk like that, and makes her feel like she is not welcome in our family, so could you please just watch yourselves around her."

My parents know I disagree with a lot of what they believe (to be fair, they're not Reaganites or anything that extreme). I know they disagree with me. My parents are just about the least tactful people in the world, but nevertheless we have learned to be careful around each other. That's about the best that I think you can hope for.

(Photo by Josh Goleman)

Catbird Presents a selection of Baubles for Famous Lovers (part 2)

Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin
With her thicket of chestnut hair and famous wicker baskets, Birkin took the the original jolie laid wolf by the ears. One night, the wolf Gainsbourg howled ferociously. Jane responded by flinging herself into the Seine. She was fished out by two policemen, and the most famous couple in France walked home, arm in arm, madly in love.
Digby & Iona Take The Wolf By The Ears Ring

Truman Capote & Jack Dunphy
Two writers, one as bright as the Northern Star, the other a bit more modest in scope, set out for Sicily, in a house once occupied by D.H. Lawrence. Thirty-six years later, as Capote lay dying, Jack was still by Truman's side, sort of. Not by Truman's side, were Paley, Radziwill, et al. - his estranged swans, the former intimates he had harpooned in his final, unfinished work, Answered Prayers.
Scosha Thou Shall Not Talk Shit Necklace

Marlene Dietrich & Edith Piaf
Dietrich hung her emerald-encrusted gold cross round the slender, stooped neck of La môme to ward away evil. Though Evil knocked on Edith's door regardless, the Little Sparrow and The Blonde Venus were the most devoted of friends for the rest of Piaf's short life. Dietrich was fiercely protective of her drug-addled, one-time lover; a journalist, knocking on Piaf's dressing room door was answered with Dietrich's inimitable voice, "Can I help you? I am Mademoiselle Piaf's maid!" He lobbed back, "How nice. Please say hello to Miss Piaf's chauffeur, Maurice Chevalier."
Digby & Iona Bird in Cage Necklace
Bittersweets Heart & Dagger Necklace
Yayoi Melting Love Ring

George Harrison & Pattie Boyd
He wrote "Something" for her, but something wasn't everything, and she left him for a Yardbird.  Before things went amiss, their love looked like beauty incarnate.
Elisa Solomon Ancienne Ring & Guitar Pick Necklace



You can find Baubles for Famous Lovers (part one) here. Thank you to Leigh and Rony!

p.s. This is not a sponsored post. It's just a love fest catbird and I have going. Can you blame us?

on not being a mother

Kristina wrote something the other day that I can't stop thinking about.

Her post was mostly about how connected she feels to other mothers and mothers-to-be, but the bit that jumped out at me was this: "in some way it becomes almost harder to relate to people who aren't yet mothers." 

Aren't yet mothers.

I don't plan on becoming a mother. My best lady in New York is a mom -- she's expecting her second baby at the end of July. My best lady in Vancouver is doing her damndest to get pregnant. And my best lady in Glasgow has such a great outlook on impending motherhood she almost makes me want to have twins too. Almost.

Like I said, I don't plan on becoming a mother. It's something H and I keep talking about, and we're pretty much convinced that parenthood isn't something we want to sign up for. But the idea that this decision will pull me and my friends apart makes me sad.

______________________________

Just because I don't want kids doesn't mean I can't get way into shopping for kids' clothes. I scored some fantastic Carhartt overalls at the Brooklyn Flea for Mr. S, size three-year-old. 

(These vintage baby nikes await Kristina's little boy.)

and now for something completely different

I am super digging the weddingy stuff on {wit + delight}

I have a feeling her wedding is gonna kick ass.

You know your blog is taking over your life when:

You can't make any kind of major decision without writing yourself a Dear ESB in your head.

Dear East Side Bride,

What would I do?

love,
Me

(woolgathering & miscellany via geneticmutations)

Dear ESB: My MIL Sucks

I'm hoping your readers can offer some advice because I'm scurred to death that my MIL and I will have a falling out someday, maybe sooner than I think. Here's the deal. My fiance and I planned on a wedding of 70-80 guests. Mostly because it's what we can afford and we didn't want to get into all the drama/politics of inviting 4th removed cousins we haven't seen in fifteen years. I have a dozen family members attending and my fiance has less than 10 attending. (Not a huge difference, right? Right.) We agreed on grandparents, parents, siblings, handful of cousins and our bestest of friends. My mom and grandmother were not so happy about this because they wanted to invite close family friends and important extended family members. I had some very difficult convo's with them and in turn, my mom and grandma had difficult conversations with the folks that thought they were invited, but weren't. But after being upset and listening to each other, we all got over it. They understood I couldn't afford the extra guests, and neither could they. Ultimately, they respected our choice to keep it small.

Step in MIL. Who, mind you, has been telling us all along to "ignore what everyone says and remember it's our wedding." And who also completely dissed our first venue choice by telling us in the most passive aggressive way that it sucked. (We later canceled that venue and didn't even get back our full deposit. She was 50% of the reason why we scrapped those plans.) MIL has been given the run down of the wedding many-a-time: a limited number of guests, casual affair, blah blah blah. So now she decides it's not fair for me to have 12 family members and her to have only 7. So what does she want to do? She wants to invite her friends. But, she's offering to pay for them. So shit, there goes our out. We tell her no and after she hears this she starts crying and drops the biggest guilt trip on my fiance. Not only is she passive aggressive, she's manipulative. Feeling guilty and horrible, we say fine. Ef it. Do what you want... bleh.

My fiance is pissed because he looks like an a-hole for his parents being a-holes who are literally buying out seats to our wedding, when he's already seen the tough stuff I had to go through with my family and that same issue. And I'm super pissed because 1.) my family can't afford to invite their friends and that's not fair to have MIL and FIL waving their money around at our wedding in the form their equally sucky friends 2.) we wanted to keep it relatively small and she's not allowed to take over our guest list 3.) Just because I have more family there doesn't mean they all get along or want to see each other, but they're willing to be put in awkward positions for one day for me, while the in-laws are not. (Oh, and a side note... my entire family has offered to help set up the day of. Have my FIL's? Nope.)

I'm terrified of having her as a MIL and I'm worried about the way she will interfere with our married life and eventually our parental decisions. I don't want to hate my MIL, but I'm starting to really not like her and that bothers me. We've agreed he needs to talk to her, not me, but I can't help but be hurt and angry. What else, if anything, should we do?

Sincerely,
One Seriously Fed Up Bride

*****

Dear FUB,

Giving in to the guilt trip was a big mistake. If your MIL knows she can get her way by crying, she'll never stop crying.

And why would you let her bring her sucky friends to your intimate wedding, whether or not she's paying their way?

Love,
ESB

(Image courtesy of superbomba)

you have got to be kidding me

These shoes are just as bad as the fancy wedding jeans. I don't care if they are Prada.

Photo by Garance Doré

In Which Catbird Presents a selection of Baubles for Famous Lovers

Salvador Dali & Federico Garcia Lorca
Did they? Didn't they? Let the tongues wag. For Federico, a necklace vaguely in the form of Salvador's moustache, and for Salvador, a ruby ring in honor of Garcia Lorca's Blood Wedding.

Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton
Far be it for us to suggest a bauble for Mrs. White Diamonds herself. Rather, the decanter set from Love & Victory, makes for neat drinking, and easy glass hurling.

Clara Rockmore & Léon Theremin
Léon's muse, and unrequited love, played his namesake instrument, with grace, drama, and a perfect chignon of pitch black hair. Of making otherworldy music rise from a brass box outfitted with a rod and a ring she said, “You have to play with butterfly wings."
Bittersweets Black Diamond Twig Ring

Frida Kahlo & Diego Rivera
Love is true, love is trouble. She was pint-sized, he was not.  She was a painter, he was a painter. He loved ladies, she loved ladies. Twice-married, they brawled, battled, left and came together again in a blue house in Coyoacán.
Elisa Solomon Ombre Ring

Bob Dylan & Suze Rotolo
You sweethearts! You young romantics! You read Rimbaud in the park, and rambled round the streets of Greenwich village. The world was your oyster.
Carla Caruso Willow Ring

Coming up... Leigh and Rony of Catbird

I asked Leigh and Rony if they would do a guest post about engagement rings, something like, "How to choose a ring for your lady. Or: When to let her choose her own damn ring." (I figured they'd have great insight because they get to see it happen all the time.)

Rony said, "love to," but then she reported back that she and Leigh and were having a hard time coming up with anything interesting because "we simply see no rules or trends as far as wedding rings go at catbird. We have the absolute complete range from those seeking super traditional matching bands to the guy who bought a knuckle biter as his wedding ring."

So instead of offering practical advice, they got all romantic on us. I think you'll dig it.

(Photo of Rony and her mom apropos of nothing. Apropos of I love the photo.)

yeeeeeeeeow.

I just spotted these polaroids of Lara & Michael on tending to it.

Britt (whose own spectacular desert wedding was recently featured on a desert fete) designed the flora, and Sarah Yates shot the polaroids with her 600 SE. 

Hey Sarah, I love the idea of an entire wedding shot on instant film. The polis from our wedding are my very very favorites. If I had to choose, I'd chuck all the rest in order to keep the polaroids. No contest.

I'd rather eat toothpicks than shop at David's Bridal

My best friend's wedding is next June and she is STUCK on David's Bridal Dresses. I have had numerous, long conversions with her (pre-wedding-planning) about how I feel about David's Bridal (in a nutshell: would rather eat toothpicks than shop or ask someone else to shop there). She seems to have forgotten those conversations and just sent me this:

I was looking through an album here on facebook where my friend was in a wedding and she, and the other bridesmaids, were wearing STUNNING COBALT BLUE DRESSES! So i messaged the bride, who I didn't know personally, raving about the dresses, and if she didn't mind can I know where she got them and the swatch color. Sure enough, David's bridal, Horizon Blue.
I went and looked at them AT the store and I decided the blue is PERFECT. And all of you know me well enough, that I would NEVER make you gals wear something that LOOKED cheap, but if it IS cheap and cute, I'm ALL FOR IT!!!
The item numbers if you want to see the two I am thinking of are
Style 83690
Style: F13695 LOOK AT THEM IN HORIZON!!!!! :)
I think I want to go every other with girls wearing the every other dresses. Tell me what you think about the dresses first, and then we'll get into more details!

...could use some shopping advice from you and the rest of your fantastic readers...

*****

Yeah. No. Yuck.

Obviously.

Has anyone seen a good dress lately in a horizon-eque blue? (You know the rules: NO LINKING TO J. CREW.)

H-town's Favorite Lentil Salad

One of my best meatspace friends emailed me recently with this dilemma:  

I'm trying not to eat bread because I think it's making me fat (and sugar for that matter). What do I eat? I'm tired of eggs, and I'm tired of almonds, and I don't and won't eat meat unless it came from an un-endangered fish. What do I do?

I think you have some answers.

I don't really know what I eat. Let's be honest, half the time we eat CRACKERS AND CHEESE for dinner because we're too lazy or too caught up to cook. BAD BAD BAD.

But. Quinoa, we eat a lot of quinoa. With stir fry or roast chicken (not helpful) or whatever. It's also good cold and salad-y with greens and goat cheese and maybe some pine nuts. Lots of soft polenta. (Often with eggs, though. You said you're sick of eggs.) Lots of risotto.

I really like this lentil dal recipe. I serve it with rice since I can't eat naan.

And then there's H's very favorite lentil salad:

Mediterranean Lentil Salad with Lemon-Thyme Vinaigrette (adapted from a San Francisco Examiner Magazine recipe by Jim Wood my mom clipped for me a kajillion years ago)
1 cup lentils
5 cups water
1 tomato, cored and chopped
Sparse 1/2 cup oil-cured black olives, pitted and coarsely chopped (kalamata olives work in a pinch, but they're not as good)
1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese
2 stalks celery, trimmed and thinly sliced
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Vinaigrette
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 large cloves garlic, minced
2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme leaves (Thyme gives me hives, so I skip it. But maybe you like thyme.)
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
Freshly ground pepper to taste
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro or Italian parsley (I prefer cilantro)

1. Combine lentils and water in a large saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until tender but not mushy, about 20 minutes. Drain, transfer to a large bowl, and let cool. Add tomato, olives, feta and celery and toss.

2. Whisk together lemon juice, garlic, and thyme in a medium bowl. Slowly whisk in olive oil. Whisk in salt and pepper. I find that the dressing is tastier if you let it sit for a little while. Gives the garlic time to marinate.

3. Pour vinaigrette over salad, toss and season to taste. Garnish with chopped cilantro and serve. (Or, if you decide to skip the thyme, add the cilantro to the dressing instead.)

This was intended as a first course but we eat it as a main. If you're feeling crazy, serve it over quinoa.* Delish! I usually double the recipe so we can have leftovers. It's even better the next day.

(Image by Julia Randall)

*I told you we eat a lot of quinoa. You can make it in the rice cooker, b/t/w. Same ratio as brown rice: 1 1/2 cups water to 1 cup quinoa. And I like to add a dash of olive oil.

My parents vetoed my wedding venue

Dear East Side Bride-

I'm completely flabbergasted and left pretty downtrodden after my Floridian parents flew up to NYC last weekend and immediately vetoed my dream wedding venue (the Metropolitan Building in LIC). After we booked it and placed a deposit. Four months before the date. 

The reason? Not enough toilets, supposedly steep stairs and only a slow freight elevator as an alternative. Which is cool. I get it. They're paying for the venue & catering while the man & I cover the rest, but I'm freaked that this is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Upon getting upset (and admittedly, sure, a little bratty) during the mess, my parents actually called me a fucking bitch. No joke.

What's worse- the boy (angry that my folks have been so nasty) is ready to call it quits and save up until we can take care of the whole shebang ourselves (in a year or so). Which suits me just fine, but would cause a huge rift between my parents and I (who, before this whole only child wedding mess thing came along, were all very tight).

It would also be a massive inconvenience to try to reschedule as my UK family (whom I'm actually even CLOSER with) has already booked thousands of dollars worth of flights, hotels, etc. The money I've put down is not even an issue now. I just feel like what was supposed to be a joyous occasion for my family has turned into endless verbal sparring.

So. I'm not quite sure WHAT I'm asking. a. Know of any cool NYC venues that might please both my fussy folks and my bookish, vintage, goth-at-heart sensibility? and b. Am I totally batshit for not starting over?

- Seriously Snubbed in Brooklyn

*****

Dear SSB,

Actually, that's not cool. If you've already put down a deposit and half your guests have bought plane tickets, it's too late for your parents to veto the venue. I'd act like a fucking bitch too.

But. Could you discuss it with them one more time? Calmly? I have a feeling they're freaked out that their only child is getting married. In NYC, no less. Keep in mind, the city is big and weird and scary to a lot of people who don't live there.

Scrambling to find another venue won't solve the problem, and you don't really want to cut your parents out of the equation. (Nor do you want to devote another year of your life to wedding planning.)

xoxo,
ESB

(Image via woolgathering & miscellany)

Mac's Groom's Kit

A Camel Hair tie can feel just as formal as a tux...

1. Camel Tie from HATCHERY Label coming this fall from Pierrepont Hicks.  Our new luxury line will include cashmere ties and Italian cotton pocket squares. Navy suit from Ralph Lauren.

2. Orvis Boot Camp Belt

3. Brooks Brothers Ribbed Crew Socks in orange

4. Taylor Stitch custom shirt

5. ipod shuffle full of ocean sounds for airplane

6. Born Shoes Kilbury

7. Barbour Quilted Vest

8. Doane Paper notebooks

9. McMillan Old Hunting tartan scarf - we had these made as gifts for our guests in both McMillan and MacDonald (Kat's maiden name).

Thank you thank you Mac and Kat!

Kat's Travel Staples

1. J.W. Hulme co. Sporting Originals luggage - no rollers

2. Dubarry Boots

3. White jeans - you can dress up any outfit with these

4. No. 7 Illumination lotion

5. Rosebud Salve

6. llbean Camo Tote - washable

7. Calypso Celle Dale Top

8. Santa Maria Novella Honeysuckle - my only fragrance

9. Chanel Red Lipstick - again, dress it up in a pinch

10. Barbour Quilted Jacket

11. My Kindle - I read The Atlantic Monthly on it as well as The Trad

12. Kick ass heels preferably red - these are from TOAST UK

Even though there's a pretty strict read the printed word mandate around here, I'm willing to forgive Kat the kindle for travel. I mean she's got to keep up with the blogs. Speaking of blogs, Pierrepont Hicks has a rad one, with much groom style inspiration to be had.

Guest Post: Kat of Pierrepont Hicks

To get to the Isle of Mull, our friends and family had to fly into Scotland, via Edinburgh or Glasgow, rent a car, drive to the West Coast town of Oban, where they would catch a ferry to Craignure, the tiny ferry landing town on Mull, one of the Hebrides inner isles.  The drive from Craignure is 45 minutes North to Tobermory, on single lane roads that have little shoulders known as "passing points" where you basically pull off to let someone pass you (or let someone not hit you head on, as in the case of our guests who drove about 20 mph pissing off the locals who whiz along these roads at 80 mph).  I should mention they have an annual car rally on Mull where people race and pull all kinds of Luke Duke moves in their banged up mini coopers.

By having a destination wedding, the goal was to have only those who really and truly wanted to be there - there. And so it was.  49 of our friends and family showed up. They showed up kind of pissed off. There were guffaws at our reception dinner when Mac gracefully thanked everyone for coming.  "I think everyone has experienced that feeling on vacation, when you end up somewhere amazing, like Mull, and you wish you could magically transport your friends and family to share it with-" "Magically!??" my uncle chortled from across the room.

Throughout the hundreds of hiccups (maid of honor's hair dryer blew out half of the town’s lights Friday night, my mother announced morning of the wedding that the English boxwood I thought was so quaint along our dining tables "smells like cat pee," and the usual drunken endeavors of goofy friends in kilts), Mac glided through making frizzy guests laugh and angry innkeepers smile. We woke up pretty much the entire sleepy town of Tobermory, inadvertently, with our American-ness.  I remember one lovely little old man walking along the dock next to me, the morning of our wedding, as I breathed in the crisp salty sea air, hot tea in hand: "I can tell you're American because you people bring your massive cups of coffee everywhere."  We tried to fit in, but if you've ever seen the film "Local Hero" – it was kind of like that.

As the weekend progressed, my mother's luggage lost still on the morning of, I started having a physical reaction to the stresses through blotchy hives caused I believe by the close range of my family members (extended and in-laws) on an island with nowhere to run.  But Mac remained calm the entire time.

Coming up: Kat and Mac (the wife and husband behind my all-time favorite ties) have each put together lists of their destination staples.

"Nothing too fancy," says Kat.

Our photographer "lost" the reception pics

This morning I had an email from our wedding photographer who we haven't heard from in over a MONTH stating that she has lost the images from our reception. Yup. That's right. They're gone. Mind you, I'm just now hearing from her and it has been 2 months since the wedding and over a month since we emailed her the first time regarding our missing photos. Yes, she sent us a gallery and then promised to send more reception pics. Then she went to Europe. Then she was visiting her boyfriend in Oregon. Now she's at Bonnaroo. And she's just now getting around to telling me that our reception photographs have been missing off of her hard drive. Granted, she did send SOME. She took about 20 pics of our wedding cake. She took pictures of the food. But there are no pictures of me + my husband enjoying ourselves with our friends.

I guess I'm just upset that she's just now getting around to telling us about it. I mean, if she had told us right off the bat that our pictures had been deleted, I would have been upset. But I feel like she's just been avoiding us, and I feel like that is unprofessional. I also feel as though we've been really polite about the entire situation and I feel taken advantage of.

Thankfully, we do have friends who carried their cameras with them throughout the wedding. But they're surely not the images I thought I was getting.

I know that the important thing is that William + I ended up married.

I would love to know what other wedding photographers have to say about the situation.

*****

Any photogs care to weigh in?

All I can say is: Lady, that sucks. Really sucks. But I do stand firm in my belief that all you need is one really good photo.

(Image courtesy of Photo Booth Nashville, who are not affiliated with the photographer cited above, and were "awesome," according to Lauren.)

So I'm on a film shoot yesterday up in the Angeles National Forest,* and I somehow find myself confessing to the makeup guy that I'm a fucking wedding blogger.  Not something I generally run around bragging about in meatspace.

Maybe I was going through withdrawal due to the lack of INTERNET ACCESS? I'm holding my iphone in my hand all day long, using the stopwatch and snapping continuity photos, but I can't even take a peek at twitter.

Anyhoo, beware makeup people. Even the badass tattooed ones who specialize in stab wounds and blood spatter. They're like therapist/hairdresser/snake charmers, the way they get you to confess all your secrets before you even know what's happening to you. 

*I was up there all week, and it is gorgeous, just fyi.

(Photo by Where's Will?)

My MIL invited a priest to the wedding

Dear East Side Bride,

I'm not religious (my family is Hindu, I went to Episcopalian school, but I don't believe in organized religion) but my fiancé is Catholic. He's very open-minded and doesn't believe in the dogma/hypocrisy/etc. that bothers me about organized religion. His mother, on the other hand, was very upset when we announced our plan to have a secular, non-church wedding (it's going to be officiated by a friend and we're writing the ceremony ourselves). To appease her, I've agreed to go with their family to their hometown church after the honeymoon and have our wedding "blessed" by their family priest. This is something I would never do, except that he wants to make his mom happy, but it turns out that it's not enough. His parents invited the priest on their side of the guest list, and it turns out he'll be traveling here to attend our wedding. This happened months ago, and I figured it wasn't my right to complain because they have a close relationship with this priest. But yesterday she asked my fiancé whether it would be okay if the priest offered a blessing before the meal. My immediate instinct was "no way!" I also know that my parents (who are hosting the wedding) would not be happy about this. I've suggested that my fiancé tell his Mom to invite the priest to the rehearsal dinner the night before (which his parents are hosting) and the priest could offer a blessing there, but as far as I'm concerned there's no place for something like that at my wedding. I also explained that since my parents are hosting I think it's fair that their feelings be respected. He thinks neither of these will come across as a good/gracious/convincing reason to his mother, so I'm asking for your help for ways to think of a nice way to explain that we do not want the priest to bless the meal. Just because she invited him as a guest does not mean that all of a sudden he gets to participate. 

Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!

-Secular Bride

*****

Dear SB,

You have been more than gracious. Offering to let the priest to bless the rehearsal dinner is a perfect (and generous) solution.

Tell your fiancé to stop being a such pussy and stand up to his mother already.

xoxo,
ESB

(Image from D Mode February 2010 via TOBACCO&LEATHER)

a handmade wedding (with chickens)

Beth & Bill's photos are up. Here (and here).

Gahhhhhhh. I don't know why I'm so geeked out about this wedding.

Yeah, I do. It's the chickens. But Beth's jellies are pretty cool too.

(Photos by Gary Carter, Sean McArdle and Chelsea Coleman)

hello

Can you say "MARFA WEDDING"?

One of the Vena Cava ladies just attended a real live wedding in Marfa, and the bride opted for what looks a like a pretty traditional strapless dress... But if I were getting married in Marfa (and what an amazing place to get married), I personally would go a little more avant-garde casual with it.

Mono Frayed Spanned Dress from Pour Porter (the best-curated new shop on the internets)

married life rocks

usually.




almost always.

we do have a little mini-dispute going about whether or not it is acceptable for the person who gets up first to go ahead and finish yesterday's coffee without making a fresh pot.

but when I got up on tuesday morning there was a cup waiting for me on the stove (SEE ABOVE). and this morning H went out for soy milk while I waited in bed like a complete diva.

so yeah, married life rocks.

remember when...

I resolved to wear impossibly cool outfits at all times? That has been a big fail since I got home.* BIG. FAIL.

It's tough to be impossibly cool when you're spending 13 hours a day on a dirty film set. The trick is to do laundry in advance or you will be fucked by day seven. Don't fool yourself that you will hand-wash any t-shirts during the precious hours you have to hang out with your husband, catch up on Grey's Anatomy and SLEEP.

In other news, I really need to alter those leather pants that are gathering dust in the back of my closet. Maybe I will add zippers! And p.s. Sienna, I am loving the hair.

(TOBACCO&LEATHER via woolgathering & miscellany)

*Just pls humor me, if you saw me in nyc, and pretend you thought the vintage OP was impossibly cool.