I was hoping to find out your (and your readers') opinion on men wearing engagement rings? I have the feeling my boyfriend is going to pop the Q, I was thinking of having a ring to give to him in return.
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If your guy is a guy who will rock it, I say FUCK YES give him an engagement ring.
(The divine Keith Richards, Brian Jones and Mick Jagger, found here)
i like the idea a lot!!!
ReplyDeletedo it!!!
ReplyDeleteDo it! Just don't for the love of God call it a mengagement ring.
ReplyDelete@Catherine um, yeah. no.
ReplyDeleteWHERE THE EFF DID YOU HEAR THAT????
i'm going to play devil's advocate here and point out that despite how much everyone around these parts likes to buck tradition society will see your man wearing a ring on his left ring finger as a sign that he is married (and then what will be the difference when you DO get married)....but I love the idea that the guy gets jewelry too! what about wearing the ring on the right index finger! that's what women do in Brasil too....the ring just gets moved to the other hand when you get married.
ReplyDeleteright? do it.
ReplyDeletebetter yet, beat him to the punch & pop the question FIRST!
We both wear rings. Or we used to until drunkie drunkerton lost his at a bar. Thank goodness his was only 15 smackers.
ReplyDeleteBut I say, why the hell not? Rock it.
Do it! We both wear our engagement rings... when we feel like it. (We're both a bit lazy about remembering the rings, but not the commitment.) I just felt like, if I was wearing an off-the-market ring, he should too. And he agreed, and he loves the ring I bought him (argentium silver) so it all worked out in the end.
ReplyDeleteMy man had always wanted a Movado watch. So I saved my pennies, and when I thought the question was close, I bought him one. It was a lovely, wearable engagement gift that he loves beyond words.
ReplyDeleteTraditionally you should buy him a watch. My guy had a ton of watches, so I asked what he wanted. He responded with "a great big tv" so that he got. Whatever makes him happy. However, if I had gotten him an engagement ring he would have laughed his ass of at me, and never ever worn it. An engagement ring is a bit of a chick thing.
ReplyDeleteI think this question gets to the heart of trying to maintain our own values of equality in a society with skewed expectations. (as in: what does is signify to someone else for a man to wear a pre-wedding ring on his wedding ring finger?)
ReplyDeleteOur way of dealing: we bought our wedding rings very soon after getting engaged, and each of us wears the other's ring on a chain around his/her neck. We won't have attendants, so this also provides a handy way of having the rings ready for swapping at the ceremony this August.
i like the idea, alot. i don't like the idea of it being an engagement "gift". but more like a "right back atcha" go for it!
ReplyDeletemy guy would laugh his ass off if i gave him a tv as an engagement present, miss rude kristin s. i think the whole point is to have a sentimental object for him to carry or wear throughout your engagement.
and tv's get heavy.
ReplyDeletemy guy, who never ever wears any other jewellery or a watch, demanded an engagement ring. it looks like a wedding band, but it's what he wanted, so he got it. the wedding band is the same ring in a different colour gold.
ReplyDeleteDunno that anyone's assumed he's married. Probably not, because any time people ask to see my ring, he says really loudly "I got an engagement ring too! See!" and pretty much punches them in their face in an effort to show it off. He loves it.
He would've seriously questioned my understanding of the person he is if I suggested a really big tv as a gift in return for my ring.
I think the guys should totally get a ring. They like shiny stuff too.
ReplyDelete@Tbone the difference is, youre married.
My fiancé is jealous that I have a ring to show off. I offered to get him one, but he wants to wait until we're married now. He's super excited to see how I engraved it though, I kind of want to propose to him when it comes back from the jeweler's...
ReplyDeleteHi! Both my guy and I wear rings. I made his with the help of a metal sculptor and he made mine with a family jeweler. Both were really amazing (secret) experiences and both of us love wearing the rings.
ReplyDeleteOnce his was done I told him where I put it - trusted that he wouldn't look at it and he took it with him when he surprised me and popped the question... then I popped the question right back and we both got to ask the other, and we both had something tangible to share with the world.
We are also both getting wedding rings... so we will both wear symbols of the engagement and the commitment phase of our relationship.
A lot of women miss out on the opportunity to get their man a ring - and it's a really special journey... without question - YES YES YES... do it.
do it. i proposed to my bf (currently fiance) and he sports an engagement ring and i don't. however, he is going to still propose to me and ask my father for permission. we have made it a mutual engagement.
ReplyDeletei have to diagree, miss tbone.
ReplyDeletei gave josh a ring while we were dating, and noone (as far as i know) assumed he was married.
not to mention, if a guy wears a ring that looks any bit cooler than dad's-gold-wedding-band, it's assumed it's just a ring. not a wedding ring. i hear about it all the time from the poor guy. about how i'm lucky because people could tell i was engaged/can tell i'm married just by looking at my hand.
people just think he has cool taste in man-jewelry.
My ex just got engaged and his wifey-to-be proposed to him! Normally, I would think it's a cool idea, but I know in his case, he was just too much of a wuss to ask her...so he waited for her to do it! Ha, ha!
ReplyDeleteIf he will wear it and love it, then absolutely!! I knew my husband wouldn't be keen on the idea, but I wanted to give him something so I got him an engagement watch. He loved it, and everyone he told what it was thought it was an awesome idea! And don't be too worried about whether people will be able to tell that he is engaged by the gift you give him. There are plenty of women out there with unusual engagement rings that people assume are just for fashion because they are not wearing a solitaire. Who cares as long as you and he know, right?
ReplyDeleteI bought my husband an engagement ring. It was a simple hammered silver band with the points of a compass on four sides (purchased on etsy). After he had proposed and then surprised me with a huge party, I took him aside and gave him the ring. He absolutely LOVED it. It was sentimental to us because he is my true north. I think that if the ring has VALUE to you as a couple, you should totally do it. We were very anti-tradition and didn't want to do anything (including give rings) just because you are "supposed" to. But in this case, we found the meaning behind the rings to be special for us.
ReplyDeleteMy stepmum gave my dad an engagement ring. (This was '98, both in their fifties, second marriage.) He wears it on his right hand now.
ReplyDelete@ Roxanne. I'm not married. I'm engaged. I was just pointing out some things to think about and another idea based on a different tradition.
ReplyDelete@ Liz. I think you're right about people maybe thinking it's just a ring if it's something flashier than just a band....but believe me...people are assuming he's married if he's only wearing one ring and if it's on his left ring finger. Maybe not friends and family who know you're status...but the cashier at the grocery store who isn't asking or commenting? Yea...she's assuming he's married.
I'm not making a judgement even in the slightest...I'm just pointing out the society we live in. I, personally, loved how fun it was to look down at my hand when we got engaged and see that new piece of jewelry and know it's meaning and I'm really looking forward to having that experience when my fiance and we get married....with his jewelry. He tried on his wedding band and we both got all "weeeeird!!! look at your hand!!! with a RING on it!!!". But that's just us. I'm of the "whatever works for you" camp.
I just got engaged, am a guy, and am not wearing an engagement ring. Truth be told, though, I'd actually be totally tickled if my fiancée got me one, and I'd wear it with pride and honor.
ReplyDeleteWe decided to get engaged several weeks before we actually did it, and so we had a secret engagement for a little while, so we could do it in style and also give me time to find a sweet little ring for her (blue sapphire - matched her eyes). At a certain point she started thinking that since I was giving her a ring, she wanted something to give to me in return - so that it was an exchange rather than a one-sided gift.
She didn't get me a ring - we're both pretty poor at the moment - but what she did give me was a letter she wrote to me, telling me briefly, eloquently, and sweetly why she wanted to get married to me. After I slipped the ring on her finger I read the letter, and it was beautiful. I will keep it for always and forever, and consider it at the very least to be the equal to the ring she wears.
I checked with the partner on reactions to his ring. Only one person's mentioned it and their response was "oh - so you got your wedding rings early?" His response was easy - "no it's an engagement ring" and the conversation moved on.
ReplyDeleteAnd as to whether outside people might notice, I guess that was partially the point, as a way to make the symbols more equal. (though we could give a damn what outside people think.) I was really uncomfortable with a woman being visually "off the market" while our society doesn't feel the need to provide similar symbols for men. Even the bachelor party is treated as a last-night-of-freedom (for some). Screw that. We've both been "off the market" for a while.
I might note, he also got an amazing engagement present, since his ring was just an inexpensive silver symbol. His present was about equal in cost to my ring (which didn't come remotely close to most engagement ring costs.) Again, equality and symbolism were important to US. So figure out what's important to you both and go with it. have fun with your own rules.
(Totally unrelated comment sorry)
ReplyDeleteMy husband no longer wears a ring. He almost ripped his finger off when his ring got caught in the railing when he slid down a stair rail one night. Enter blood, skin flapping, swelling and an emergency room.
Perhaps it's worth noting a ring is more than a symbol. It's also occasionally a hunk of dangerous metal.
THE END
@Brigitta UM...
ReplyDelete@brigitta there goes my breakfast...
ReplyDeletedo it! get him a ring. i wanted to get one for joe, but considering we had to fork over money for a wedding, funds were a little tight.
and liz, don't knock the gold wedding band until you've tried it. joe and i both rock yellow gold wedding bands (we're mexican, spanish and sicilian; how could we not?), and we get compliments all the time because no one [under 50] does that anymore. i don't know why everyone is so anti-yellow gold. it's fantastical!
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ReplyDelete@celia never would knock the yellow gold! somehow that seems to be the expected wedding band look. the yellow gold curved band.josh's wedding band looks like he bought it at h&m.
ReplyDeleteWholeheartedly agree. And, PS, most bad-ass photo ever.
ReplyDeletePPS: This is my second comment. Blogger ate the first one. So if it pops up twice, I'm not actually stalking you;)
Celia-we've got yellow gold bands too. I just happen to dig regular ass gold...and the fact that they are both family rings makes them even more special. Viva la yellow gold!
ReplyDeleteSorry for grossness everyone!
ReplyDelete@holli I like the 'shrinking' to fit idea. We've been trying to figure out what to do with the broken ring - though now it's not a ring, just 2 perfect half circles.
btw and @celia: rock the yellow gold! My husbands was/is yellow gold. The doc reckons it was gold that saved his finger - if it had been a harder metal like titanium his finger wouldn't be on his hand right now.
(seriously I'm not hijacking this comment thread, I just think that when it comes to mens rings this is something to consider)
If he'd like one, go for it!
ReplyDeleteI felt a little guilty with the whole "I'm the girl so I get something for the engagement but you have nothing to show for it" tradition. I thought for a while about getting him a watch, but he's so picky about watches; I'd gotten him one for his birthday that he never wore. I didn't want to risk getting something he hated and felt compelled to wear!
Plus I thought maybe if I got him something it would almost take away from the male pride issue. Like I had to "repay" him. Maybe I'm not explaining that well. But in any case, I decided to just let him have his moment. And thought long and hard about his birthday 4 months later. I got him an extra large gift (English collectible coin from 1500s) that I thought of not too long after our engagement, and told him I wanted to do that for him since he gave me my ring this year. He was totally thrilled, so I'm happy with how it worked out :)
umm. brigitta is making me seriously rethink josh's titanium band.
ReplyDeletesuch a great idea, that I have never ever thought of!
ReplyDeleteA great idea. I think it is a great way to show the world that you both are committed to each other by both of you having an engagement ring.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome idea!
ReplyDeleteI'm currently living in a little country on the Mediterranean, and it's traditional here for the men to were an engagement ring also. Usually its their wedding band, but worn on the right hand. It then gets switched to the left, as does hers, during the ceremony. I think it's a great tradition!
ReplyDeleteWhen My husband and I got engaged, I simply told him that I wanted to get him a ring too. He was shocked but loved the idea. So I would def ask just because not all guys are the same. As for people, friends and family would ask about it, but never lingered on the subject after we told them it was an engagement ring. As for outside strangers, I could care less if they thought were married as long as they knew he was off the market. But that is just my personal experience for anyone that may be reading this forum later.
ReplyDelete