So, my fiance is coming with me to my first fitting appointment on Saturday and everyone has freaked out at me about it like it's the most absurd thing they've ever heard.
"He can't see your dress before the wedding!" they exclaim with looks of utter horror on their faces.
But, I'm really excited about this gorgeous dress I saved up for and I love sharing all the little things like this in my life that excite me with my fiance. I'll likely get ready with him before the wedding anyway, since, why would we change our daily routine on our wedding day? I mean, is it really such a big deal to have him come along? My dress is in Vermont, so we're making a nice weekend trip of it and staying overnight in a B&B with our puppy. Isn't that a great memory to have, too, and a little less fleeting than "the first look"?
Am I "doing it all wrong"?
HELP!
*****
Don't treat your fiance like a bridesmaid.
By all means, bring him to Vermont. Stay at a B&B, have a romantic dinner, do it up. But don't drag him to the fitting. Spare him the memory of you wrestling with your boobs and obsessing about your butt in a wedding dress that doesn't fit.
You'll be even more excited to show him the dress when you're walking down the aisle. Trust me.
(Image via Le Fashion)
YES! ESB, I could not agree with you more.
ReplyDeleteI can relate. I'm a horrible secret keeper and want to share everything with my FH! So I had to have my mom store the dress at her house...otherwise I knew I'd show it to him!
ReplyDeleteI want his 'first look' to be of a dress that fits perfectly and makes my butt look bomb! Then I get to see that dumbfounded look on his face - and get to see him checking his watch to see if we have time before the ceremony for a quickie. :)
Oh, I disagree so very much. My fiance was thrilled to help me make the final decision when I was torn between two dresses, and I loved seeing his eyes light up when he saw the dress I ultimately picked.
ReplyDeleteHe went with me for my fitting as well, because my mother and bridesmaids are all out of town and I wanted to go with someone important to me, not just some friend. I loved having him there, and he was just as excited as me through it. And as I was getting some structural changes done to the dress (putting in a lace-up back instead of the zipper it came with) he had some valuable opinions too.
It's pretty common for brides to go with their fiances for the tux rental/suit buying, and I don't think it makes these brides less thrilled to see their future husband at the other end of the aisle. I know menswear is not as showy or as much of a "statement" as these yards of white fluff we brides put on, but I know that my fiance will be a mess of excitement at our wedding and I will be too, regardless that he's already seen my dress.
Plus, isn't that idea of "it'll be so much more meaningful if he's seeing it for the first time at the wedding" have some parallels to saving your virginity for your wedding night? I'm all for people doing what is right for them, but it's just as foolish to prescribe a certain set of actions for all people with regards to the dress as it is with regards the sex.
We're definitely one of those couples who do everything together, so this *could* have been us had we not discussed the fact that it's our WEDDING DAY. In that case, I think a change of our daily routine is in order, just this once.
ReplyDeleteI think that weekend sounds like a nice idea, I'd say definitely bring him if that will make you 2 happy.
ReplyDeleteMy husband saw me in my dress before our wedding. I made my own dress and was having total last minute "oh-my-god, my dress is ugly and everyone will hate it and make fun of me for trying to make my own dress" anxiety, so in a bundle of tears I tried it on for him, the only person around. And he did get a very special look on his face and assured me with a soft voice that I looked absolutely beautiful. And he still got that amazed look on his face when he saw me on our wedding day.
ReplyDeleteFind out what your fiance wants, if he's only going to the fitting because he thinks it is what you want, then let him go for a hike while you're at the shop. If he's really into it, go with your gut and take him.
i dunno if i am with you on this one.
ReplyDeletewhile sure, maybe she should "spare him the memory of her wrestling with her boobs and obsessing about her butt" i feel like she needs some support against everyone who says shit like "He can't see your dress before the wedding!" (with looks of utter horror on their faces.)
really? that just goes along with all of the other shit people say you MUST or MUST NOT do. there is NOTHING you must or must not to, besides get fucking married. so, ignore what everyone is saying and decide what is best for you guys. won't spoil the wedding or the marriage if he does see you in it first.
what does he want? is he just tagging along because you asked him to?
ReplyDeletemy husband is of a rare breed. he ENJOYS going clothes shopping with me and helping me pick things out. and he's very good at deciding which clothes make my boobs look great. go figure.
but to this day, he swears that he wouldn't change that "first look" or whatever for the world.
If the first look matters to either of you, I say don't bring him. But if neither of you care, go for it and bring him. Tons of people bring their fiances dress shopping nowadays and I think it's awesome, especially if the guy is going to enjoy himself. Just because he sees you in the dress at the fitting doesn't mean the walk down the aisle will be any less special. There's a big difference between the first time seeing a dress in a bridal salon and him seeing the whole look put together on the big day, so you needn't worry about ruining that special experience.
ReplyDeleteMy response would be, "whatever works for both of you." We figured out that, for us, he wants to see photos of the dresses I try on, though he would NEVER want to come to a salon or fitting. And he's seen me in the dress I bought (and then sold, though that was MY insanity and not his.) But neither of us want to have him see me in full bridal getup - dress, makeup, hair, shoes, etc until the day. I think there's something transformative about the emotion and coming-together on the actual wedding day that can't possibly be ruined by pre-wedding dress viewing. For us. Others really want that first look. But for us, it's important to him to know what's happening (which helps with his suit shopping plans) and to be a part of this process. And we rejected a few dress choices because he didn't like them, so I was happy to know that before buying anything.
ReplyDeleteSo if you want him at the fitting, cool. Though if he wanted to sit in the next room with a book instead of witnessing the boob smoothing and pinning, I think that makes some sense.
i concur with the "to each his/her own" crowd, each wedding having its own internal logic and all. perhaps he'll dig you wrestling with your boobs (and if you do end up having a fit issue, presumably he's the biggest expert on them, after you, of course).
ReplyDeletein a more general sense, some of us fancy the mystery, and there are the full disclosure folks. i can roll with the disclosure types on just about everything - except leaving the bathroom door open. that's just nasty.
What does your guy want to do? ESB is right, most guys aren't into shopping. Mine gets this super awkward arms crossed, shut down, disagreeing, uncomfortable vibe whenever we get within 100 feet of a store (so I wouldn't bring him along). If he wasn't so anti-shoppingforanything, I would, because I'm totally for staying with him the night before your wedding, getting ready together, yadda yadda... because some couples can relax and enjoy themselves better that way.
ReplyDeleteWe had this conversation also. Getting married 4th of September. Deciding I want him to drop his mouth on the big day! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's totally your call. If you want him to be there to help you decide, then have him there.
ReplyDeleteIf he would rather play with the puppy and wait until "the day" then let him do that.
It really doesn't matter what we or anyone else thinks. Just do what you want!
Obviously it's your call and do whatever makes you both happy and all. But.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who lived with her boyfriend/fiance for years before getting married there really is something to be said for changing your routine on your wedding day and getting ready separately. Even the most jaded guys I know gush about that first sight of their bride in her dress. And I think you will want to see that look on his face.
Bringing him to the fitting is sort of like sitting too close at the theatre, if you can see the backs of the sets and curtain ropes and inner workings of it all it sort of ruins the magic, you know? Same goes for seeing and knowing how many ropes, ribbons, and corset pieces it takes to make a wedding dress look good.
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ReplyDeleteshe has the right to do whatever she wants. that's not the question.
ReplyDeleteshe asked for an opinion.
I don't see the big deal in him going with you if that's what he wants. If he's just as excited about it as you, go for it! If though, it's not really his bag of dicks and he's just going because you want him to, then throw him a bone and let him sit this one out.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, who gives a shit about keeping it a secret? Maybe it's just me (I am having the most casual wedding this summer, ever) but I think weddings are for celebrating love and don't necessarily need to be about surprise all the time... but to each their own.
Do whatever you feel is right girlfriend!
-Amanda
Hard to say without knowing your fiancee. My guy is a way better shopper than I am and he has a much better eye. Personally, I prefer shopping alone, but I have to admit that he's a good person to have along for important decisions and I would probably consider it.
ReplyDeleteIf he hates shopping, don't bring him. Obviously.
I don't think it's a question of whether or not he enjoys shopping - this isn't just any dress. I hope she doesn't let him see, especially if they're getting ready together that morning. Save SOMETHING to make your wedding day different than any other day. You might regret showing it to him now, but I can't imagine how you'd regret not-showing him until your big day.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding?* David helped WITH the fitting. He was holding and lifting and pinching and laughing as our friend since... forever, did all the work. and then we sat around and drank coke while she hand sewed and little miss four year old red cowboy boots sang all of Wicked for us. It was rad.
ReplyDeleteAlso, his #1 wedding planning rule was he could veto dresses. Empire waists, for example, were out. Which was fine. I wanted him to at least kinda like the dress, after all.
And NO @nikki, OF COURSE she won't regret it. I hate the regret and wedding stuff. If you do what you want, you won't regret it, period. What made our wedding day different from every other day is that we got married. And then we threw a fabulous party.
*I know you're not kidding, obviously. Since we've debated this one million times ;)
PS
ReplyDeleteWe loved getting ready together too. We were so caaaalllllmmmm going into it all. We had private moments. And besides, that look he has at the end of the asile isn't about the dress. It's about "holy sh*t I'm about to get MARRIED."
I agree with ESB. I think the vacation will be beautiful, but I think the magic of seeing you in the dress at the ceremony will be something worth waiting for.
ReplyDeleteI share everything with my fiance, too. But I'm trying to keep this particular thing a secret.
However, I'm sure whatever you decide will be perfect. It's really up to you and what you feel comfortable doing.
ha, i think this is perfect (and hilarious) advice! :)
ReplyDeleteI WISH my fiance would come with me dress shopping and to the fittings! I get the same WTF looks when I tell people this, so I tell them in very polite language that I don't care what their opinion is. However, for the life of me I can't convince my fiance to look at the dress...he's in the traditional crowd and wants to see the dress for the first time on our wedding day. We compromised by planning to see each other (and having a glass of champagne, yay!) about 20 minutes before the ceremony.
ReplyDeleteBack to the question...by all means, yes take your fiance to the dress fitting if you want! =)
TAKe him... he was to be part of the wedding it is what you would do normally then TAKE him. your wedding day will be special. you will look stunning. He will not remember you wrestling your boobs into the dress... and it might be fun and funny adventure.
ReplyDeleteI strongly disagree. Why on Earth we women are supposed to "always be pretty" and/or hide from our men stuff like dress fitting, beauty routine, UTIs and periods? And then we want these very same men to be in the delivery rooms with us??? ***rolling eyes***
ReplyDeleteJosh came with my mom and I to look for my dress. But at the same time he was also looking for stuff to wear himself. He actually picked out some awesome dresses, so I think I'll take him from now on. It's up to you, though. We don't care too much about seeing each other in our wedding outfits. We'll be getting ready together, too. I say don't sweat it.
ReplyDeleteHow do you know her dress doesn't fit and that there will be struggling and fixing of boobs and bottoms?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rosanna, this guy wants to see you through thick and thin? Then, surely, if you want him there, then he should be there.
I am a horrible alone-shopper, which is funny given the countless years I worked in retail. I decided on my dress alone, put a down payment on it and then when we went to pick it up, in a flurry of panic, I decided I wanted my husband-to-be's opinion. He was happy to give it.
And like Meg said, it helps when the husband likes the dress as well.
Sounds like your fiance wants to do the dress/weekend with you and that your only having doubts coz everyone put them in your head- stick to your guns and do what you wanted to do in the first place. My husband saw my dress the first time I tried it on (came in the post)and I can still remember his smile, even though my hair and face and all that shite weren't done up! On the actual wedding day he hardly looked at me when I got to our ceremony- he was so stressed worrying about everything else!! So I'm glad we had our special dress moment before our wedding but it wouldn't have bothered me if we didn't have one at all, its really of little importance afterall when there's so much loving going on:)
ReplyDeleteDo what you and your guy want to do! If he wants to go and help you pick out your dress, bring him! If he's not into it, let him stay home.
ReplyDeleteDon't treat him like a bridesmaid?
ReplyDeleteMeaning, what, don't treat him like one of your nearest and dearest? Don't treat him like someone you trust to see you at your worst?
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DOING IT WRONG
I pretty much agree with ESB. But if he wants to see you before you walk down the aisle, bring him. Don't make him though. I think the first look is just as much for you as him. Also, I disagree with the correlation between virginity and the first look. The first look is not about degrading feminine sexuality, it's about a surprise.
ReplyDeleteDisagree! Obviously don't force him but nothing about the letter suggests that force will be necessary. It'll be a great memory. My fiance picked the dress (from pictures) and I love that knowledge and story.
ReplyDelete-Arachna
i literally frolic'd around our house in my dress for a month before our wedding, with mas home. also as soon as i picked it i emailed him a picture. it wasn't a big deal for me and mas to have that first look moment ... much to the dismay of my mother and the photographer.
ReplyDeleteThis is great advice. Depending on your relationship, he may want to be part of your fitting. BUT, he is a guy and has probably already had his fill of rose, taffeta, tablecloth wedding talk to make him go bananas. Spare him the trip and he will thank you later!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to disagree with ESB on this one.
ReplyDeleteIf it feels right to you... DO IT!
He'll still be in awe when he sees you for the first time on your wedding day...
yup, totally disagree, too. My mom was annoyed by it, but he said he wanted to come along with me to my fittings, so he did. And I trust his opinion more than anyone else's. I mean, his is really the only opinion that matters other than my own, and having him there actually really helped diffuse the annoying mother-of-the-bride situation that was going on.
ReplyDelete