Hey Jesse, thumbs up on the Band of Outsiders suit.

My family thinks my fiancé has anger issues....

Dear ESB:

My fiancé and I are supposed to get married this July, but recently some family drama has happened. I am very close with my family (mom and two sisters), and always have been. About a week ago, my fiancé and I invited my sisters and my brother in law over to drink/hang out. To make a long story short, my fiancé ended up getting into a fight (very physical) with my brother in law’s best friend, which he (the friend) started. My family now thinks that my fiancé has anger issues, and that he is violent. He isn’t. My mom told me that marrying him would be a mistake, and they want me to postpone the wedding. They don’t know him as well as I do (duh), and he is one of the kindest people I have ever known. He would never hurt me, and regardless of what they think I am still going to marry him. They have this misconstrued idea of what kind of person he is, and are completely wrong about him.

This has completely torn my family and I apart (or torn me apart from them), not to mention devastated the fiancé. So now here we stand, with a wedding date set for two months from now, not knowing what to do. I have never been the type of girl to daydream about what my wedding would be like, but I have put so much of myself into this wedding that the thought of not having it makes me want to hurl. On the other hand, the thought of carrying on the planning (with my mom) for the next two months and walking down the aisle with my family pretending they are happy for me makes me want to run away and say “screw you”.

So…. Do we elope, or do we carry on like nothing ever happened and have the wedding as planned?

*****

Wow. 


Well, you can't carry on like nothing ever happened. But I think (I hope) that if you and your fiancé calmly proceed with your plans to get married in July, your family will come around.


Are you the youngest? It sounds like your mom is having some issues with letting you go.


(Photo by Christina Richards)

I am considering something radical.

What if I just don't buy new shoes this summer?

I'm taking my favorite favorite favorite cork-y wedges in for a little refurbishment, and my everyday Havaianas are still going strong. We all know Havaianas go with everything. What's a blister or two between friends?

Okay, I did just buy a jammin pair of Sauconys on ebay that are the exact color of a tennis ball. Not only are they motivating me to RUN goddammit, they scored me several compliments on set this weekend. It's v. important to be stylish when standing around eating potato chips until 4am.

(Image: Vogue UK May 2010 via TOBACCO&LEATHER)

eff. yes.

This Max Azria slashed crepe dress makes me wish I were getting married THIS WEEKEND.

Or should I d'you think I need to do a little more running first? Those slashes do travel pretty far up the thigh.... 

Courtesy of our own Nichole. (The comments on this post are getting good, you guys. I may never do my own shopping again.)

Dear Readers: Please help me shop (part one)

This one has been sitting in my pending box for too long:

got engaged about a month ago. i've known my fiance for 12 (i think) years. we grew up together and all that jazz. we are not into the whole huge ceremony wedding thing, so we are getting married in my parents backyard oct 9th by a friend and then having an amazing party all night long! no big ceremony, no first dance, none of that. not our thing. so i'm sure you see this coming i'm not really into a wedding dress. especially not long. i'm 4'11" and always feel weird in long dresses. i want a dress that i can wear again, but i won't look like one of the guests. short with (i'm so excited.. black tights and maybe ankle boots) nothing too formal since we will be outside all night. 

here's what i'm leaning towards. any thoughts or suggestions?

*****

Mkay. I'm not really feeling the Furstenberg. Nothing against Diane (love her), but that dress is crying out for bare legs and flat sandals, not tights and ankle boots.

How bout this Grainger Dress from French Connection? Could be slammin with a pair of black tights.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you I swiped it from Lauren, who is on the hunt for a bridesmaid's dress.

Frankly, I'm a little burned out on internet shopping. I keep keeping my eye out and I keep seeing not much that excites me. Has anyone else seen a TERRIFIC dress that fits the criteria?

(Hanger photo by Sandi Gunnett)

Unplug for Earth Day.

C'mon. If I can do it, you can do it.

I plan to spend Thursday offline prepping a script for a film shoot I'm helping with this weekend. And then maybe I'll go for a run* before I dig into the stack of library books that's collecting dust on the coffee table.

*I don't want to brag...but yesterday I clocked a 14-minute mile. 

(Image via FFFFOUND!)

DEAR ESB: BWAHA! We did it!

Those of you following the comments on yesterday's post already know that Nichole's soon-to-be-husband, who was hell-bent having a traditional wedding, swept her off to get married in New Orleans last weekend. As in, before we all tore our hair out offering her advice.

OMG. OMG. OMG. I love you all, and your crazy, serious, cautious, and blatant comments! I went home after writing this email to ESB and guess what? The man said to me, point blank, let's go to New Orleans and get married. Tonight.

We booked the tickets, our best friends tickets, our parent's tickets, and had an elopement party in New Orleans this weekend. We walked the "Second Line" down Bourbon Street, stopped for a Hurricane at Pat O'Brien's and bought our wedding bands at a consignment shop. We are marrrrrrrrrrrrried. And we both loved it. And I didn't have to talk him into it. I didn't even bring it up. He did. And it's amazing. And we're happy. And everyone (except my sister) is super happy for us!

That, my friends, is what I call "punk rock and practical."

Here's more from Nichole: 

I thought you might want a picture of us at our reception dinner with 15 of our closest friends. I got the mustache from a 40th birthday party that was being celebrated a couple of tables away. The birthday party table and our table sang with each other the whole night. Everything from The Beatles, "Here comes the sun" to Sir Mix A lot's "Baby Got Back".

Needless to say, he's over the moon that we eloped, and so am I :)

who says there's nothing cool left on etsy?

I am so digging Scout Holiday's new collection. (Plus Cheri's "styling" is just rad.)

DEAR ESB: How can I convince him to elope?

I am hoping you can help me with our dilemma. You always have the most pointed advice. That kind of advice affects my soon to be husband in the best ways, which is why I'm coming to you. And the ESB community.

We have been through helllllllllll of all kinds in our wedding planning process; and yesterday, we received a tip that our venue (with which we put a huuuuge deposit down on already) is in the middle of a foreclosure lawsuit. Nice. (A little advice to all brides: research your vendors, especially with the economy the way it is nowadays. This venue is a historical site and has been in business for many years...and we live in a fairly upscale city, one that still has herds of Gucci clad people at the shopping malls...who would have thought?) I digress...

His entire family (aside from his mom, dad and sister) live in Scotland, he was born there, and he was really looking forward to having everyone come to the States to celebrate. Let me give you a glimpse into his personality, while a huge hardcore punk rock fan and the same guy you'll see wearing the same t-shirts he wore in high school...he is really traditional when it comes to wedding views. He points out over-the-top ballgowns for me (eek!) and thinks it's important to have witnesses that include all of our family and friends at the wedding...I love him, so it's hard for me to challenge his views, because I don't want to be forceful. So, as "punk rock and practical" as he is, he is not getting my point. It's still early in my debate, and I think you and the readers can help. I hope.

Given all of the hoops we've been thrown, and I won't bore you with those depressing details, I'd really like to elope. Even if it means eloping overseas, and inviting his family to celebrate in the festivities afterwards. Can you give me any advice or tips on why eloping is so awesome? I'm ready to go for it, but he's so distraught with all of the stress of this, he doesn't even want to consider other options right now. He'd rather just start looking for another wedding venue and continue this torturous journey to the SAME END RESULT. Ugh, can you tell I'm frustrated?

*****

The man wants a wedding. LET HIM HAVE ONE.

(Image from hardtoexplain via Life in Lomo)

hippie wedding (update)

With the right wedges (obv), wouldn't this Thakoon Addition Twist Front Gown make a slammin update on the hippie wedding dress pictured left? After I made fun of Lanie's attempts at a hippie wedding look, I figured I ought to put my money where my mouth is.

Anyhoo, the Thakoon dress was featured in Refinery29's latest alt wedding dress round-up, so go get it while the getting is good. 

(Authentic hippie wedding image courtesy of Maquette via Veiled Vows)

p.s. EJ, how many effing blogs do you have now anyway? FOUR?? How do you expect me to find that thing I remember seeing on ONE OF YOUR BLOGS six months ago?

**Update: Christina posted a great response to the consumerism issue.**

I can has fancy wedding jeans?

The etsy seller has tagged these babies: clothing, costume, women, pants, plus size, victorian, princess, jeans, wide leg, chandeleir (!), bridal, wedding, juniors, rosebuds. So if you got married in em I think you'd be pretty much covered.

$925 is a steal, no?

Via Regretsy with a shout out to Stephanie for the link

DEAR ESB: Can I bring my fiance to a dress fitting?

So, my fiance is coming with me to my first fitting appointment on Saturday and everyone has freaked out at me about it like it's the most absurd thing they've ever heard.

"He can't see your dress before the wedding!" they exclaim with looks of utter horror on their faces.

But, I'm really excited about this gorgeous dress I saved up for and I love sharing all the little things like this in my life that excite me with my fiance. I'll likely get ready with him before the wedding anyway, since, why would we change our daily routine on our wedding day? I mean, is it really such a big deal to have him come along? My dress is in Vermont, so we're making a nice weekend trip of it and staying overnight in a B&B with our puppy. Isn't that a great memory to have, too, and a little less fleeting than "the first look"?

Am I "doing it all wrong"?

HELP!

*****

Don't treat your fiance like a bridesmaid.

By all means, bring him to Vermont. Stay at a B&B, have a romantic dinner, do it up. But don't drag him to the fitting. Spare him the memory of you wrestling with your boobs and obsessing about your butt in a wedding dress that doesn't fit.

You'll be even more excited to show him the dress when you're walking down the aisle. Trust me.

(Image via Le Fashion)

24 hours in San Francisco

1. Blue Bottle Coffee. Possibly the best latte I've ever had.

2. A fruitless search for a cool pair of sandals that a) won't give me blisters and b) won't go out of style in the next five minutes. I'm talking to YOU, gladiators. I did try these on (mostly to get them out of my system) but I started to develop welts just wearing them around the store. Turns out there are no cool, comfortable sandals. I think I'll take Lauren's suggestion and just buy a pair of Rainbows.

3. Humphry Slocombe. Blue Bottle Vietnamese coffee ice cream + prosciutto ice cream + frosted peanuts + Maldon salt (whatever that is) = the best sundae I've ever had.

4. Faith No More at The Warfield. FUCK. YES. 

Images courtesy of Blue Bottle Coffee Co and me

how to write the most kick-ass wedding speech ever

I'm hoping you would be able to give me some advice on writing the most kick-ass wedding speech ever heard. My bff is getting married in a fortnight (and in a converted old stable nonetheless) and she and her mister have asked me to give their speech... the thing is this is my first wedding reception ever so I have no idea what to say. I'm no stranger to giving speeches but they are usually academic and very wordy and best said in a nasal voice.. not quite what she is looking for I'm sure!

All the advice on the internet is sapppy (tha bad, not good, kind) and a little too generic for Perth's coolest wedding of the year - but I feel like you know just how to give me a kick in the right direction!

*****

Mkay. I've been avoiding this one.

When my MOH got married I spent the entire cocktail hour in the ladies room desperately scribbling my speech on index cards and pacing back and forth in front of the mirror trying to memorize it. So I might not be the right person to ask.

But I will say this: Don't aim to write a "kick-ass" speech. Don't put pressure on yourself to impress everyone. It's not about you.* Instead, dig down deep into your guts** and try to put into words what makes your friend the coolest, sweetest, toughest, [whatever it is you love the most about her] person on the planet. And what makes these two perfect for each other.

(Image via FFFFOUND!)

*Every best man at every wedding I've ever been to has used the fucking speech as his opportunity to show off how well-spoken and/or hilarious he is. And when he pulls out a sheaf of yellow legal paper, I stop listening.

**It's always about the guts.

guess who's kicking some serious ass?

Our lady Liv is freshly landed in London and ELLE just featured one of her dresses in the April issue.

via be blushless

this is how to do city hall, people

Coolest bride EVER.

Thank you jezebel for sending me the good shit!

For those of you who wanted more details... Erica and Riva's wedding just appeared in Brides Magazine.

Something about seeing two bridey brides kissing in a mainstream wedding mag makes me super happy. It's not lost on me, however, that the kissing photo is missing from the online feature.

Photos (and photos of photos) by Jami Saunders

I could actually make this

I mean, I did spent my entire college career doing work-study in the costume shop.

Think I'll skip the rope belt though, Steven. I'm not really feeling the whole nautical thing.

This post inspires me to make a nightgown too. Sewing is such a good excuse to watch bad tv.

Douchebag Dad

I have a bit of a douchy dad. He was a part of my life when I was a kid, but when I became a teenager I discovered he was a bit of a jerk (not jerk like hit me jerk, but just a "spent my college fund on who knows what" kinda jerk). And he married a woman, who for lack of better words; hated me. I moved to live with my Mom full time, and haven't spoken to my Dad in 5 years.


So...do I send him an invite to the wedding?


-CanadianBride

*****

Dear CB,

You don't have to invite your dad to the wedding. But maybe you want to.

Here's what you need to ask yourself: Will his presence (and, you have to assume, the presence of his a*hole wife) make me unhappy/uncomfortable/screw up the day for me in any way? OR Will I regret not inviting him? Is there a little girl inside me who wants her dad to be at her wedding, whether or not he's been a jerk in the past?

Go with your gut.

love,
ESB

Photo by Chadwick Tyler courtesy of grey magazine via Vain and Vapid

it is that time of year again, people

Got out of the hot hot car yesterday, tore off my t-shirt + bra and put on my old fave vintage OP tank. (Okayyyyyyyeee, H-town's old fave vintage OP tank. But he looks way too hipster in it. I mean, he already has a mustache. The man is not allowed out of the house in tank tops, for fuck's sake.)

To be fair, I am not allowed out of the house without a bra. BUT MAN, is it hot. I wish the weather in LA would just freeze-frame in April. 78 is already more than I can handle.

Spanish Moss Vintage via auburn & ivory

admitting that wedding blogs are the new wedding mags

Modern Bride, Elegant Bride and Homogeneous Bride* have folded. And even Martha Stewart seems to be phoning it in lately. I mean... Fabric-inspired wedding cakes? Rly?

But, um, some of the wedding blogs have been kicking ass lately. Much as I have ranted about wedding photo shoots in the past, and much as I still believe that real wedding photos are better than the fakes, I have to admit there's a place for editorial when it's not advertorial.

This Once Wed feature inspired by Georgia O’Keeffe and Alfred Stieglitz with photography by Charley Star, Event Design/Styling by Bash Eco Events, and Flowers + Event Design/Styling by Yes Please Design is truly magazine worthy. Or should I say more than magazine worthy?

(See more here and here and the inspiration board here.)

*Oop! My bad. That one is still going.

Go ahead and try to tell me this is not the best version of a Bee Gees tune EVER RECORDED.

This cinematic version of the video is much cooler, but it doesn't seem to be embeddable. Plus there's kind of a letterbox-within-a-pillar-box thing going on since it was shot directly from someone's tv set. I ♥ YouTube.

p.s. I broke my video-embedding cherry! Do I get a cookie? A gluten-free cookie, obv.

Blog of the Week(ish): even*cleveland

1. I've been known to rage against video embedded on blogs...but a whole mini mix tape greeted me on even*cleveland this rainy morning and it was just what I needed.

2. Stephanie posts the most terrific imaginary outfits. I still dream about this one in particular.

2a. She has terrific taste in jewelry. (In case you're ever seeking the perfect gift for me, it is, in fact, a Rat Jaw Ring.)

3. I straight-up stole her elegant, uber-long running list of labels.

4. Something about Stephanie's outlook on art and femalehood and living a creative life calms me down. Maybe that's why I've been drawn to her blog lately. 

"A Heavy Net" by Iwase Yoshiyuki via even*cleveland

I found your wedding dress on ebay

Starting bid: US $9.99

You're welcome.

DEAR ESB: to sell or not to sell

JOY: it's almost been a year and it's still hanging in my closet..
i live in ny.. i don't have room for this.
and i'm a little old to have my mom store it for me..
and i know the longer I keep it the greater the chances of bf walking in to me wearing it, watching law & order, eating a tub of ice cream..
do daughters even wear their moms' dresses anymore? am i even going to have a kid? i'm moving, do i want to carry this up four flights of stairs? i won't wear the same dress when i marry my second husband (cough)...
thoughts?

ME: oopsy, am I too late with this one? did you already move??

JOY: No I can't decide.. Pre wedding that was my plan but then when bf first saw me during the big reveal he said 'gf you can't sell this' and I feel like I shouldn't.. You're 'not supposed to' right?! Haha

ME: I am a tremendous believer in the cleaning out of closets and the letting go of stuff. But if any little part of you wants to keep your wedding dress, I say keep the damn thing. Watch Law & Order in it. Why the hell not?

(Photo by Kimberly Craven)

Just came across William Eadon's portfolio via Backyard Bill.

This particular photo is really doing it for me today.

Cooler alternatives to Mr. Tux: The Follow Up

Hey ESB:

Just want to thank you and the ESB community for your help. Sorry for the delay - dove right back into grad school after our September wedding, and just thought of it now when asked for wedding blog recs... Attached pictures are from our fabulous photographer, Beth Fitzgerald of blush imagery. We were married at Snowvillage Inn in NH, and flowers were done by Carrie Scribner at Dutch Bloemen Winkel.

We went the custom route - after looking through the options (tho I missed the H&M one, oops) and running out of time to scour the shops, the guys decided they preferred spending a bit more for something nice they could wear again. We bought an assortment of red ties on sale at Macy's (we coordinated the fathers and brothers as well, saved being asked "what should I wear?" for the 10th time), had custom shirts made through 9 tailors, and those without black suits (or charcoal grey, or whatever) got them made at Indochino. [Featured on ESB here.] 

Heron splurged on a nice pink and grey plaid (also from Indochino) and found a maroon paisley tie to go with it. There were a few tailoring issues going over the web (Note: just b/c your fiancee is a professional engineer does NOT mean he is qualified to take his own measurements - find someone who actually sews), but service was good and it got fixed in time. Given that it's custom work, pricing was quite fair. All in all, we spent much more than planned but everyone was super happy with the results (and they are still wearing the suits). 

Thanks for putting us on the right path!

Alison

*****

Holy shit. You mean you guys don't just write in for advice and then do whatever you were planning on doing anyway? You, like, actually listen to me?