Some nights he falls asleep there and my attempts to rouse him are futile.
Some nights he "naps" there on and off until dawn while he does godknowswhat on his computer(s).
Last night I asked to him to move over so many times (BEDHOG) that he grabbed his pillow and stormed into the living room.
I used to get upset that we didn't sleep all night every night in the same bed together. There's the whole mythology that if somebody's on the couch something must be wrong in the relationship... But it works for us.
Sometimes.
I will admit I'm looking forward to the day we've got a bedroom that can accommodate a queen size bed. My sweetie likes to sprawl.
(Photo by Kate Hutchinson)
I swear, so many relationship issues could be solved with a queen size bed.
ReplyDeleteMy man and I went from on and off sharing a extra long twin (read: dorm bed) to moving off campus and getting a queen.
He's 6'5'', and I'm an old-fashioned bed hog.
Bliss.
AMEN! One or the other of us sleeps in the guest room at least once a week - sometimes more. Not because we're fighting or anything like that (in fact, I don't think we've EVER done this as the result of a fight), but because sometimes he falls asleep in the chair in the guestroom and when he finally wakes up, that bed is closer than the one in our bedroom. Other times it's because one of us is sick, or sore, and just wants a big ole bed all to ourselves. And sometimes, it's because he's snoring and I can't fall asleep, or he's NOT snoring and I STILL can't fall asleep and don't want to keep HIM from falling asleep with all my tossing and turning.
ReplyDeleteI think it's awesome.
He snore, I can't sleep. I get sick and he wakes up every 10mintues to ask if I'm ok because I make so much noise breathing. A good night sleep is way more important to a relationship than sleeping in the same bed every night. I also kick a thrush around a lot in my sleep, he can only take so many beating the poor man.
ReplyDeleteI've been a chronic insomniac all my life. My remedy is taking my blankets, pillows and Chihuahua into either the guest room or livingroom to watch TV. Works like a charm. I'm usually out by the middle of whatever CD I put in no matter how good it is. Between 4 and 6 am I and my Chihuahua wake and join my husband in our bed.
ReplyDeleteSome couples have done this sleeping apart since time began and it has no bearing on the closeness of their relationship. Everyone has their own way of sleeping in peace, that's all.
It worried me at first too when we started sleeping separately at times. Then I came to realise that it's much more important that I'm nice to my husband when I'm *awake* than that we are in the same bed when we're both asleep. And niceness is a lot more forthcoming if he hasn't been kicking me all night.
ReplyDeletewe have a baby. it is SO much better for our relationship if he sleeps on the couch sometimes. then at least one of us is well rested, un-grumpy & can remember why we're doing this whole thing in the first place...
ReplyDeleteScrew the queen sized! We had to go for king (we're not small people) though I recommend holding off on the king sized until you know you aren't going to move any time soon.
ReplyDeleteI refused to sleep in the same bed until he ditched his full!
Also it becomes kind of the family movie spot sometimes which is nice and snuggly and wonderful.
I agree with Nightfall! We have a queen size,and he's STILL a bedhog!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to get a king! Tho I suspect he'll still sleep in the middle or on my side...
all about the king here, too: love the joe to pieces, but ye gods, we can't even fall asleep if we're touching. hey, we did our time on the extra-long twin at college; never again, especially not with cats.
ReplyDeleteThis might happen more if our couch were actually more comfortable then our bed... you know, and free of junk.
ReplyDeleteoh honey - take it from me. get a king size. a queen won't solve the issue! We spend some nights separately because he snores/sprawls out/kicks me off the bed, etc... I can't wait to get a king size bed. ;)
ReplyDeleteOur problem isn't the size of the bed; it's the size of the covers. Every night my partner steals the duvet, sometimes the sheets, and I wake up freezing in the middle of the night. Worst part is he denies it--and thinks this is amusing!
ReplyDeleteFor the first 3 years of our relationship, my SO and I shared a TWIN bed! I can't even imagine how that was ever possible.
ReplyDeleteNow we spread out in a comfy queen, and I sometimes rock sleeping on the couch.
My husband starts his night on the couch almost every night, because he likes to fall asleep to the TV, whereas I need a hermetically sealed sleep chamber. He always comes to bed sometime in the middle of the night though. I didn't like it at first, but it's totally fine.
ReplyDeleteYep. Boyfriend wakes up at seven, wants to fidget about and read. So he goes and fidgets on the couch awhile, so we can both fall back to sleep (on weekends). Works.
ReplyDeleteOh, so we're not alone! Although, I still jokingly fuss (and it really only happens now and again), it's the fact that he is IN the apartment that counts.
ReplyDeleteI, a veritable nigt owl, had the audacity to marry a doctor who has to show up at the hospital bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the six o' clock hour every morning. Negotiating sleep has been top of mind for us since we moved in together. We read a book _Two in a Bed_ by Paul Rosenblatt that I found helpful. It's mostly interviews with couples about how they deal with bed time and sleep issues, and I think it validaites that any system is good as long as it works for you. That said I generally keep my husband up way later than he ought to be awake, so I'm not sure how well our system is working for him!
ReplyDeleteSpeak of the devil, I enjoyed a luscious night's sleep in the guest room last night.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. This might actually be a really bad sign.
ReplyDeletePls don't respond to Anonymous. She's just cranky because she didn't get any sleep.
ReplyDeleteMaking a habit of sleeping separately suggests a waning affection. Buy earplugs.
ReplyDeleteWe just got a king and omg. it is aMAZing. We can BOTH sprawl, AT THE SAME TIME. We can switch sides of the bed without complicated scootching! No one ever has to sleep in the wet spot! so, so, so worth it.
ReplyDeleteDITTO. My man is about 3x my size, and has killer allergies right now. The couch seems to be his only friend, as my attempts to snuggle, make soup, kiss, or hold him to make him feel better are quickly squashed. On the bright side, I have the bed to myself. Someday though, we'll have a queen, and an excellent air filter.
ReplyDeletewe could be in a California King and it wouldn't be big enough.
ReplyDeletefingers and everything crossed for the big bedroom and the queensize bed ; )
ReplyDeleteOh, and my inlaws have slept in separate rooms for 30 years. They seem to adore each other. Which is just as well...
ReplyDeletewaning affection, eh?
ReplyDeletei wonder if this is the same anon who suggests only cheap weddings survive?
my my, the ingredients that make up a healthy marriage. if more people would just diy their wedding favors and buy bigger beds, divorce would be eradicated.
Oh to have separate rooms! My boy just loves to snuggle.
ReplyDeleteOh for the superking. Hopefully in the not too distant future I will get a room of my own because I'll be on call at night sometimes. Whoop!!
I earplug it up pretty much every night. My darling doesn't snore, but he breathes. And that disturbs me. We've had a chat about it, but for some peculiar reason he refuses to stop breathing just so I can get to sleep. Each of us think the best thing about the other going away somewhere overnight is getting the bed to yourself. Damn that's lovely.
ReplyDeletejust thought i'd revisit you and tell you that my personal person and i discussed how our favorite sleeping pose is 'the starfish'... and it's impossible in our queen sized bed. therefore we:
ReplyDelete-- pray for one or the other of us to go away
OR
-- instigate fights so that one or the other of us sleeps on the couch.
i'm fine with either of these options provided i'm not the one on the couch.
There's NOTHING wrong with that ::)
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend and I used to sleep in a full and let's just say there was a lot of unintentional "cuddling" going on-- that makes it sound nice (actually felt like storming onto the couch myself at times!). Now we have a California King...Let me just tell you. It's as heavenly as you would imagine!! GOOD LUCK :)
ReplyDeleteWhenever my sweetie and I go away for the weekend, the first thing I look for in a B&B is a king-sized bed! We're in a queen, and we sleep pretty well, but the extra room in the king is divine. Neither of us are snuggly sleepers. We like our space! Hopefully some day we can invest in a king of our own.
ReplyDeleteMy in-laws rarely sleep together, BTW -- it has nothing to do with waning affection (it's obvious they adore each other), and everything to do with my poor MIL's chronic insomnia. And my own parents shared a bed every night through their unhappy marriage up until their very ugly divorce. So I'm not about to buy the hypothesis that you have to share a bed every night to prove you're in love!
OMG. I just had to comment. Haha. I thought I was alone. My bf does the same thing. He stays up all night on the computer, playing Madden, playing fantasy football, watching ESPN Sportscenter, Lions fighting Hyenas, you name it - sports and animals. At first, i would get upset, why wouldn't my bf want to sleep in a 6" thick full size bed with me. So I went and bought the most luxurious Queen size pillow top with a feather bed. Now, I love it when he sleeps on the couch, more room for me. Some nights, I prefer he sleeps on the couch. I can sleep spread eagle. Hey, he's only on our couch, not on somone else's couch. Plus, I still get my morning "exercise".
ReplyDeleteF U anon
ReplyDeleteHahaha--my parents have both taken turns on the couch on a regular basis for as long as I can remember. Not nightly or weekly, but frequently and periodically. My dad is an insomniac, so sometimes he'll stay on the couch because laying in bed is miserable. Sometimes my mom moves out because she's been nudged for snoring several times already. If you witness the amount of grab-ass and laughter going on in that house after 35 years of marriage, you'll see that if anything, their moon of affection is still waxing.
ReplyDeleteSometimes mine falls asleep diagonally across the bed, and is too groggy to reason with.
ReplyDeleteKnowing my rhetorical limitations, I cede territory & watch Conan until I pass out in Sofa City.
feelin you on all of this
ReplyDeleteWe had a king sized bed, and this is still exactly what went on.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the napping/computer thing. WTF is with that? But I've gotten use to having the bed to myself for much of the night, and the dog and I have grown to love it secretly.
A king doesn't solve anything. We have a king and are pretty small people, but still sleep separately on occasion... mostly because he enjoys sleeping with his dog. On a side note: in my experience the king bed has caused us not to cuddle up any more as we did with a full, since we both have room to sprawl. king bed = less cuddling and you still have to worry about blanket displacement, snoring, heavy breathing and someone else's strange schedule.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend sleeps on the couch unless he has to go to work, then he comes to bed because the alarm clock is in the bedroom. He says it's to be considerate because I can't sleep with the tv on, and he can't sleep with it off. I'm used to sleeping alone now, and it bothers me when he's there. His work schedule is random and so is his schedule in bed with me. I guess I shouldn't complain. More room for me huh ladies.
ReplyDeleteT
ReplyDeleteYes! I don't know what H does on the couch all night but as long as it's not keeping me awake I really don't care :)
ReplyDeleteOk, you've probably got that queen bed by now but... I'm eagerly awaiting the day we have a California King. We like our space, plus my dude is (or claims to be) too tall for our current bed/blanket situation. Sigh... Grass is always greener I guess.
ReplyDeleteI just have to point out that this whole comment thread has been in full support of the sleeping separately / getting a king sized bed argument (aside from the singular anon, of course.) I dont want to sound all "oh we're so in love!" (blech). BUT, I would like to point out the opposite argument. I fully prefer to sleep with my hubby next to me in our full sized bed. Its weird, if I dont feel him all wrapped around me or touching me, I think he must be up getting sick or not able to sleep, and I go find him (and vise versa). It's usually a sign that something is wrong if I dont feel him there! Though we are total cuddle-up-in-one-ball and then dont-move-the-entire-night people, OR we could just be used to each other there... Who knows!
ReplyDelete